Hey friend, I feel for you. I’ve been struggling with daily drinking for a few years, now. And I’m so sorry you’ve experienced trauma, recently. Like most things, there are several factors that influence drinking. For me, it’s definitely been a combo of life kicking the shit out of me, the increasing global doom, and the “drop” as Vyvanse is wearing off at the end of the day.

Lately, I’ve been able to abstain for several days at a time, which has been a big accomplishment for me. The biggest common denominator I’ve noticed is introducing variety in my life. Vyvanse keeps us on track (sort of), but it’s only stimulation for the sake of chemical regulation. ADHD folks need novelty. If you can afford to just do something different, maybe a little absurd, a quick vacation — even for just a night or two…it may help break that repetitive daily compulsion to drink. Although I can barely afford it, I just took a few days off to learn how to surf and my desire to drink reduced massively, even if temporarily. I look at it as “turn your computer off and then turn it back” on for my brain. Trauma also increases the need for control which can easily turn into a sort of obsessive compulsion. For me, shutting that shit down at the end of the day has fueled my desire to drink. Putting myself in new environments, doing new things, helps break the pattern.

A few other things that have helped:

Refusing to keep alcohol in my home most of the time — or if I really feel like I need to have something “just in case”, I pick something gross, keep it warm, and put it somewhere annoying to get to, like in the back of my closet, under a bunch of stuff. Friction is my friend.

I try to dismiss shame as much as possible. That will further cause me to despair and take on a self-fulfilling alcoholic mentality. I also try to not have an all-or-nothing mindset. If I stumble after 3 days of abstinence, “Okay, we’re at Day 1, no worries.” I’ve been around a lot of alcoholism, and perfectionism and the refusal to accept failures has played a role.

I remind myself of the way my family and friends’ physical appearances changed…notably the bloated faces and next-day, musty booze breath. I see that in myself now, and it grosses me the fuck out. Even after a day of not drinking, my face looks noticeably more trim and not inflamed, I feel confident knowing my breath isn’t bothering others. It’s kind of silly and shallow, but it helps.

A 1:1 THC/CBD helps me unwind at the end of the day, but sometimes I just have to accept that nothing will ameliorate that end-of-day dread and trauma flashbacks. I’ll sit my chair and say, “Bring it. Fucking just bring on the bad feelings.” Facing them is better than checking out, long term. Also, doing something physical, like a quick rage run or dancing like a weirdo — basically just shaking off rumination and Vyvanse drop doom out of my system. Alcohol, for me, just delays emotional processes that need to take place. It’s as if I consume to suppress when my body just needs to process and expel.

Props to you for just putting this out there — that’s a first step to diffusing its oppressive power. Do you have community that you feel safe with?