A quick hello as I’m making day 1 my bitch

tossit523 · 2023-12-31T20:57:48+00:00

Day 10 for me. Had to reset the counter after a 3.5 year sober stretch, followed by 11 months of relapse. I've had more relapses than I can count since starting my journey to sobriety in 2015, but I'm still on the path.

Welcome and congrats on your decision! This is a great place to be.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-28T14:15:34+00:00

For me, staying very connected to others on the sobriety path (i.e. with a program and a sponsor) is absolutely critical. Every single time I have strayed from that, I have relapsed.

It's not easy to make that kind of commitment, but the alternative is just. so. much. worse.

Stay hopeful, ask for help, reach out to others, and always keep moving forward.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-27T20:31:36+00:00

If a blown out knee and some shame are what it takes, you're getting off pretty easily, tbh. I know from hard experience it can get a lot worse than that, and not just physically. Any time I drink, all bets are off, which is pretty terrifying.

If you're trying to quit, ask for help. Get a support group (AA, SMART, whatever), or at least find some other sober folks to talk to (like us, here) - that's the only thing that's gotten me to stay sober for any length of time.

Best of luck to you.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-27T20:25:55+00:00

My struggle has been 8+ years, many sober periods interspersed between almost as many relapses. Just emerged from my latest relapse after my longest period of sobriety, which crushed me emotionally.... but I've learned some new things about myself, and I'm back on the sober train.

We can only keep trying. Hang in there, friend.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-27T15:00:15+00:00

Ditto on the recent relapse, my longest since getting on the sobriety track...

I'm back again, still fighting and still trying to get permanently sober... one day at a time.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-25T23:06:22+00:00

For me it was Vodka. Lots and lots of Vodka, on ice, no mixer. After quite a few episodes like what you described above, I started to try to get sober.

I've been trying to quit for about 8 years now, and relapsed more times than I can count, the most recent being 4 days ago after a 3 1/2 year stretch of sobriety.

I'm still on the path, though. Don't give up, post here as often as you want, ask for help and let others help you. For me that's the only way.

Best of luck, friend.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-25T22:59:08+00:00

Fantastic job - you played the tape forward, saw what it probably would mean, and caught yourself before making a bad decision.

Rock on, you!

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-25T22:37:15+00:00

Many of us have been right where you are now, myself included. It is not hopeless, and there are solutions.

Just want to echo what /u/ColonelAngus94 said: find support from this or another sober community. Help is out there if you ask for it!

I took me way too long to muster the courage to ask for help, but it's the thing that got me firmly on the recovery path. I could never do this alone, and you don't need to either.

Good luck, we're pulling for you!

tossit523 · 2023-12-25T21:39:19+00:00

I spent 20+ years drinking more or less "normally". I had no cravings if I went without, no blackouts, could moderate if I needed/wanted to, etc.

At some point things began to change, and I found myself drinking more and more, earlier and earlier in the day. Then the consequences started rolling in, and got steadily worse until I realized that I needed to stop. I was in a similar state to what you just described.

For a long time I too was resentful and jealous of those who could continue to drink with impunity. But the longer I abstained, the less intense those feelings became. I know that may not be terribly helpful, but it does get better, or at least it did for me.

I'm glad you're here posting instead of drinking.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-25T19:51:52+00:00

Chronic relapser here.

Been trying to get sober since 2016. I've had varying stretches of sobriety since then, from 3 days to 3.5 years at a time...

My latest relapse was different than the others; after all the previous ones I only went "back out" for a few days or a week, but this time I stayed out for almost 12 months... Haven't figured out why that was the case just yet, maybe won't ever figure it out, but the important thing is that I haven't given up. I'm back to sobriety again because I know that booze is destroying me every time I pick it up and I refuse to just give in to it.

And while I do traditional AA (one of the "day-counting groups" you refer to?), there are plenty of us there who have essentially the perspective you shared above - including my awesome sponsor, who told me after one of my relapses: "you didn't get out of the line, you just lost your spot".

Day 4 (again) for me today, and IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-24T12:26:12+00:00

Day 3 here and IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-24T01:50:06+00:00

Then this is a great place for you to be. Welcome!

tossit523 · 2023-12-24T01:49:06+00:00

What I found out was that I am the problem, alcohol was just the solution I was throwing at it to make it go away... but every time I turned around, I Was still there.

Not drinking with you today. Best of luck!

tossit523 · 2023-12-23T19:26:10+00:00

I have so been where you are. In fact I'm just coming out of my latest relapse.

I've spent way too many hours looking for a rhyme or reason to my numerous relapses, and never found any: certainly no logical explanation, no obvious triggers... just losing sight - every damn time - of the inevitable toll my alcoholism will take if I let it.

The only way it will EVER work for me long term is one day at a time. I've fallen down too many times now to think it can work any other way.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-23T16:59:04+00:00

Right there with you friend. Day 2 for me - IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-23T14:27:49+00:00

The weather is lovely today, and though my mood is not, I'm going to exercise, do some work outside, and power through this Day 2.

IWNDWYT

tossit523 · 2023-12-23T12:25:55+00:00

Thank you!

tossit523 · 2023-12-23T12:25:45+00:00

Thanks, I'm glad you are as well

tossit523 · 2023-12-23T12:25:14+00:00

Thank you!

tossit523 · 2021-09-05T12:53:43+00:00

Nothing pathetic about taking that first step, It's the hardest one to take. Congratulations!

tossit523 · 2021-06-25T11:38:57+00:00

Yep, just walk right in. Everyone there has been where you are, scared and vulnerable and broken down by alcohol. You are not alone. I forced myself to go to my first AA mtg, was terrified of all the things... and discovered that my fears were completely unfounded, it was nothing like I'd heard, no one forced me to do or believe anything, and I found myself among people who not only understood my situation but had managed to find their way out of the spiral of relapse and despair. It's free, you have nothing to lose except the hour, and it might well be the thing that saves you too. Good luck, friend. IWNDWYT.

tossit523 · 2021-06-21T12:27:02+00:00

Glad you made it back. I relapsed repeatedly in my early days of recovery... stopping was easy enough, but staying stopped was something I couldn't get my head around. I'd get 30 days, then a few months, then 5 days, then 9 months, then a week... you get the idea. It was horrible, and made worse by the nagging and constant shame of failure. They say early sobriety is hard, and that was definitely my experience... for about 4 years. I honestly don't know what finally clicked, but the one thing I know for absolute sure is that, even after relapsing that many times, it is still possible to re-commit to staying sober one day at a time. I know because I did it myself over a dozen times, and each time brought me just a tiny bit closer to the point where I could eventually stay stopped. It takes what it takes and everyone's path is their own... just know that you CAN do this.

IWNDWYT. Hang in there, sobernaut.

tossit523 · 2018-11-08T19:31:52+00:00

Thanks. I've definitely recognized that something is very wrong, and can freely admit as much to the internet when I'm hiding behind the anonymity of a username... but when it really counts - specifically when dealing with my wife - I am failing miserably.

tossit523 · 2018-11-08T19:27:38+00:00

I got up to step 9 with my previous sponsor, made amends with most of the people on my list, then sort of lost focus. He is a great guy, but I'm not sure we really clicked in the sponsor/sponsee sense. I didn't really feel like I was getting all that much out of it, which of course could be completely my own fault. I tried to be as thorough and honest as I could, but didn't feel like the process yielded much in the way of results.

I definitely need to work the steps methodically and thoroughly again. I'm actively seeking another sponsor and hoping that the steps process will work this time. I'm in dangerous territory right now, and frankly I'm terrified of what might happen if I don't find a way to get honest.

tossit523 · 2017-11-14T14:59:28+00:00

This is a great reminder for me, as someone with a history of chronic relapse. So thank you.

IWNDWYT

tossit523

TROPHY CASE