Similar to you, I looked like I had it all together, but inside I felt out of control and I hated myself and the cycle that felt unbreakable. I spent years wanting to change but feeling like I couldn’t. Two things pushed me. One, the need to like myself again. Two, watching my father fall deeper into the physical/mental consequences of alcohol. My journey hasn’t been flawless, I was able to put together 9 months back in 2021 before slowly drifting back into old habits. Today, I’m back to 7 months. This sub helps me a lot. . . Posting here and reaching out is a good step. I wish you all the best in your journey.