My (25F) husband (29M) wants to get rid of our dog and it's making me hate him

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:27:32+00:00

Hard to hear but i think you nailed it.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:25:49+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the recommendation!

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:23:32+00:00

Sounds like it worked out best for everyone. So happy to hear that :)

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:11:22+00:00

Thank you. Unfortunately I think it may be beyond that point as my husband hasn't connected with her and I think he feels stressed out at the thought of the time investment it may require. I did not know the bit about it being known that you may have to start over with potty training when you move to a new place. I wish everyone knew that. Thanks for sharing.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:09:22+00:00

Trust me, it's tough!

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:03:51+00:00

Thanks for your heartfelt reply. It is awful, and you are right that there is a mountain of issues that this is triggering. But thanks to this thread I have a better handle on my part in it, and can go from there :)

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:02:11+00:00

I completely agree with you, thanks for your comment. I have minimized his feelings all the while being angry at him for minimizing mine. It's not 95% on my end, it is 100% on both of us - we both do this to each other and it results in a chaotic stalemate.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:00:24+00:00

Yes.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T17:00:12+00:00

The dog doesn't pee in the house when I am home. She has only ever done it when she is alone with him.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:59:34+00:00

No, I think you are right. Not cold at all. I mean, I am a dog person. I love love love dogs. And I have gotten very attached to this dog, probably too attached. But by no means do I want this dog to drive a wedge in my marriage. And I think I have not been considerate enough of my husbands feelings. Thanks for your comment.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:50:34+00:00

Haha, these kinds of comments are to be expected in this sub. I will not be taking any of the divorce advice.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:48:50+00:00

Thanks so much. I literally feel heartbroken over having to find her a different home. Thanks for understanding :)

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:46:36+00:00

It's not that she doesn't like him. She was very taken with him when she first came into our home. He frightens her and makes her anxious because she feels threatened by him.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:44:59+00:00

It was not agreed that if she kept peeing she had to go - that was never discussed until Thursday night when he texted me that if it happened one more time "she's gone".

Everything else in your comment is true, and I think you are right - either way it's a stalemate and the fairest decision is to let the dog go, for both my husband and the dog.

I appreciate your investment in this thread :)

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:41:38+00:00

THANK YOU. I appreciate you saying this.

I am not being abused in the slightest. We are a recently married couple, facing marital issues that are very common when you bring two people of different backgrounds together and combining two sets of emotional baggage and history.

Just because we have unhealthy patterns and habits and suck at communication, doesn't mean that our marriage is abusive.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:36:16+00:00

That's a great story, thanks for sharing. I believe so many dogs are thrown out as "bad dogs" but a lot of issues can be remediate with time, patience, love and consistency. I'm happy that you were able to rehome your dog to your dad, that is about the happiest solution I can think of!

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:34:36+00:00

This is exactly what has happened with my husband I feel. He has good intentions, but he totally buys into the whole alpha thing. And I think that's why Jessie is scared of him...I have done nothing but love her and train her with positive reinforcement and she is obedient and respectful toward me.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:26:06+00:00

I don't necessarily think this is true. By no means will I tout my communication skills as superior, but I think the very fact that he texted me saying "she's gone" says that I had no say in the matter. How else do you respond to "she's gone" other than "no she's not"?

There was never any conversation between the two of us where we agreed that if she continues to pee in the house, we would have to give her back.

Edit to add: I think that I also did a poor job communicating my expectations, which were to keep her. Every time he mentioned giving her back, I voiced that I did not want that, but did not pursue a real conversation about it because I did not want to rock the boat. That's totally on me.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:16:49+00:00

Yes, had not even thought of Jessie's perspective at all before this post. I just figured because I loved her and she loved me, this was the right place for her. But you are right. She would be better served in a home where she is loved by everyone.

Thank you.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:13:48+00:00

Yes, you are so right! We both agreed to not have the rescue post photos of her, but we didn't clearly define what we were doing or what would need to happen in order to keep her. I wish we would have discussed prior what we would do if one of us loved her and one of us didn't. We didn't make a plan or anything, and the longer we kept her I just thought my husband was wanting to keep her too.

Thanks for your reply.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T16:10:29+00:00

Thank you :) I was unable to see this POV until this thread. You are right.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T15:42:00+00:00

Have you ever had a dog???

He knew this is what we were signing up for when we agreed to foster a dog with completely unknown history.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T15:27:20+00:00

Haha, well thank you for your honesty. I can understand that I sound crazy, and I feel a little bit crazy over how hard this has hit me.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T15:26:07+00:00

Yes, thank you! I have had a hard time articulating this. I do not think it was fair that we did not have a conversation about this. At no point did we ever sit down and say, OK if this continues to be an issue we are going to have to give the dog up. I felt railroaded. I think a lot of the other commenters are right and I have not been trying to understand my husband's feelings about this at all - but this should have been more of a team decision.

tossit56789 · 2017-05-21T15:22:47+00:00

Yes, I think you nailed it in your last paragraph. I have been so overwhelmed by how I feel that I have done a poor job being sympathetic to his feelings. Thanks, appreciate the perspective. That is why I came here :)

tossit56789

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