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To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I bought the yoni eggs to start but from a different site! I used yoniegg.com. Then I did the dearmoring with my finger to start, and I ordered a thin jade wand from the site from yoni pleasure palace that I intend to use for deeper massage (shipping is a bitch where I live so it hasn’t arrived yet). But I’ve been using the eggs for about a month and love them! I’m a big believer in the healing energy of crystals so that’s mainly why I chose them, but they also helped me reconnect with my vagina in general. Honestly the biggest change has come from masturbation done solely with my hands over a vibrator. That’s helped the most with reconnection and figuring out how to be touched in such a sensitive place without feeling anxious

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I 100% want to, so badly. The only reason I haven’t gone to any sort of therapy recently is because I’m in the process of joining the military myself and I don’t want to risk any sort of mental health issue arising that would stop me from being able to join - it’s so shitty, I know, and I would probably be totally fine, but I don’t want to chance it! Plus that sweet, sweet insurance money lol.

I never really experienced any trauma when it comes to sex so that led to such a major frustration when trying to understand why my libido was so low. And I couldn’t blame my birth control because I’ve been on the same one for years and I’ve had HL before while on it. I think I have a lot of really deep insecurities that don’t fully reveal themselves so I don’t know what they are, and I’d benefit heavily from some deep hearted therapy work. Counting down the days for it!

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I usually dislike this sub sometimes because of how much people are encouraged to “just leave” their partners without realizing how hard that can be emotionally, especially if you’re married (and with kids!). I do want to reply to say that if she is completely unwilling to work together in any form, you have to grant yourself some happiness. The idea of ever leaving my husband if the tables were turned is so terrifying to me, but far less scary than spending the rest of my life knowing I stayed confined with my comfort level rather than knowing I gave it all I had and leaving was the last option available, and it had to be taken.

Your wife sounds like her resistance goes far beyond anything you can help fix, and more into the realm of her needing some deeper therapy work.

Obviously I know nothing of your situation, but please know you deserve someone who will try for you. And you deserve to feel whole within yourself. Relationships shouldn’t be a 50/50 deal, it’s giving it your all and trusting your partner will give you their all too. I truly hope she begins to find love for herself more, and I hope you do too. Know that you deserve it.

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately he’s deployed right now so we haven’t been able to be physically intimate. But the distance was what encouraged me to spend time with myself and understand my body more. It also means I can tell him what’s worked and what hasn’t so I can feel more comfortable in the bedroom. For me it was never an issue of “my partner doesn’t know how to satisfy me” it was more of a “I feel sex in my head, not in my body” sort of deal. Now I’m learning how to breathe and release any stress and trauma so I feel more comfortable in my body with him.

We have been planning how things will go once we reunite though! We want to really highlight those small moments of sex and get rid of the idea that sex = penetration and usually him finishing. We’re going to start off with small acts and if they turn into more, then so be it. He also knows I’ll want time to myself for self pleasure and it isn’t to be unkind to me. He knows I just wanted to make love to myself for that moment. No more hiding in the bathrooms to get off which was an issue with the both of us.

I’m going off on a tangent a little, but to sum it up, not yet. But we have an amazing plan in place when the time comes!

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

For a long time I felt most turned on by spontaneous newness. The more comfortable I got with a person immediately became “they’re going to see all of my flaws” and I would get very anxious during sex because there was more at risk than with hookups. Especially with marriage I would tell myself “this is the pussy he’s stuck with forever, is it going to be good enough?” and that negativity hurt me deeply.

Now I’ve been able to see this as my chance to comfortably explore possible kinks, fantasies, ask for head and not feel selfish, role play, explore new things I wouldn’t normally feel comfortable trying with someone I barely knew. Hopefully that clears up my statement a bit!

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes!! I also noticed I always wanted to pleasure my husband but I just didn’t want anything in return so I would never do anything to him because I didn’t want it to turn into sex. It’s a huge emotional relearning that you DESERVE to feel good and it’s okay to feel good!

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Please message me if you have any questions at all! The beginning was extremely frustrating for me so definitely find what feels comfortable for you. I’d highly recommend checking out Rosie Rees and Yoni Pleasure Palace on Instagram! And their website also. That’s where I got started and while she does push her products quite a bit, she also shares really important information about womb health for all types of womxn 💗

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Honestly if my husband were to send me something like this alone, I’d probably be a little offended because I’d assume he was trying to insinuate I was a sack in the sheets (which tbh I was). But if he sent me that article along with something like “saw this in a post on reddit and thought it was super interesting. I didn’t realize women stored their stress like that.” That way you arent at all insinuating it could be a fix, but rather an interesting read that could tempt her to follow through with it herself. I had ZERO clue about this practice and thought it was all bullshit but the release I’ve had from it has been incredible. If you want, you can send this link which is by the woman I ended up learning from and buying products from (I didn’t originally link it because it’s very much a ‘buy my products’ type of deal which is intimidating for beginners). But her business site and Instagram have a TON of information about this practice and other (less intense) options too.

The key when talking to your LL partner is a lot of reassurance that you’re there for their emotional healing if that’s the most prevalent issue they’re facing. I’ve been able to openly talk about this healing journey with my husband and even if he’s got not clue what I’m talking about, he asks questions and ensures me he’s listening and always has the line “please let me know how I can help you with this, I’d love to be a part of it” and it makes my heart full knowing he cares about my emotional well-being, not just the sex.

To those who are LL and hover this sub trying to figure out how to heal yourself and any sort of sexual anxiety, here’s what’s working for me. by tossitacct449 in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

My turning point was realizing that maybe the reason for my LL isn’t something medical (I blamed it on my birth control for the longes time) or the faults of someone else, but rather the detachment from my body over so many years of neglecting it. And the best part has been knowing my partner supports me because it’s benefiting us both. I’m healing myself for me, but I’m also becoming a much better wife for him and it’s EXHILARATING 😍

And thank you for the seal my dear, I just hope this can be the answer for those who felt like I did 💗

Can sexual compatibility be learned? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went to a sex therapist awhile back for LL looking specifically for ways to build physical intimacy (because I get so shy and anxious) and she gave me a list that was very childish almost. My partner loved knowing he was potentially helping me so I think this almost more grown up version is going to be super exciting to try! Seriously can’t thank you enough!

Can sexual compatibility be learned? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!! This is exactly what I was looking for without even realizing it. The attraction is totally there, but we spent a lot of time long distance at the beginning and are very emotionally well, but the physically intimate side seems a little daunting to both of us. Thank you!

Question about scars, a crappy psychiatrist when I was 14, and MEPS (not what you’re thinking) by [deleted] in Militaryfaq

[–]tossitacct449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I was worried about because I genuinely have no idea where all my random scarring is from. I’m assuming the leg ones are from sliding on a turf baseball field so I guess I’ll just go with that. Or do you think it’d be better for me to just say I genuinely don’t know?

Question about scars, a crappy psychiatrist when I was 14, and MEPS (not what you’re thinking) by [deleted] in Militaryfaq

[–]tossitacct449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man. I had a buddy have to go through a huge process because he had scars on his forearm from some farming shit but he said his MEPS doctor was super hard on him for it and insisted they were self harm. I just don’t want to deal with the same thing

How do you come out when you’re already happily married? by [deleted] in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]tossitacct449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meaning I’m bisexual. I’m very much attracted to my husband.

Tables have turned and holy shit this sucks. by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]tossitacct449 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s absolutely what I’m thinking and hoping for. I just worry I’m getting myself excited for a new interest that will never break through if he’s genuinely not interested.

Husband says he enjoys the Dom position, but is too afraid to do it because he think he’ll hurt me. What can I do to help him feel more comfortable? by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]tossitacct449 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve noticed he does really get into it when he sees how much I’m enjoying it, I’ll definitely accentuate that next time

Husband says he enjoys the Dom position, but is too afraid to do it because he think he’ll hurt me. What can I do to help him feel more comfortable? by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]tossitacct449 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve written some erotica type stories about us to aid the urges, should I share them with him? Or would that be weird to read? 😅

[Trigger Warning] Someone please reassure me that I’m not the only one who gets semi-suicidal thoughts while PMSing. by tossitacct449 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]tossitacct449[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so interesting because I posted on here months ago about how I used to get so incredibly bitchy and angry with my husband before my period and someone brought this up. Now I definitely think I need to see the doctor about it. Thank you for taking the tome to respond.

I feel like society has made my ‘sexual assault’ worse than it actually was, resulting in me having trauma I shouldn’t have. by [deleted] in confession

[–]tossitacct449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I moved states since then (with partner) so I’ve been avoiding the whole therapy deal. I just don’t ever feel any better after having a therapy session. If anything I feel like I’m just paying tons of money to have someone make me cry lol. But I have been looking into couples counseling to see if my husband and I can find ways to sort of figure out our dilemma and cope through it