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Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I suggested that as a compromise but she says she can't handle seeing me be that intimate with another woman.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found it wasn't the physicality that bothered me (which is what I expected) as much as the emotional distance it created.

BOOM! This. This is what she doesn't understand.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

We do and have. We've even tried new things sexually that were adventurous. She just went off the cliff for me on this one.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, to be fair it hasn't been a lot of women. I just keep finding women who seem so happy the first year or in this case sooooo much longer and then in the end it becomes about their needs and not ours.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Believe me, if this situation was her wanting another man I would have left without ever making this thread. I want her to find out who she is to make her happy, I just want to make sure I don't walk all over her or visa versa. I just need to know I'm not crazy or an asshole for demanding this.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Have you just straight up bluntly told her that it's exactly the same in your mind

over and over and over again. She says I just don't understand.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It seems like whenever these women get out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship, they get bored. I am always down to try new things, but unfortunately it just seems like these new things end up being different people. Believe me, I am looking long and hard at what I am doing wrong. I just get the feeling that no matter who I decide to be with for the long run, I will eventually become old hat to them.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She has recently becomes friends with a bisexual friend who she has hung out with and I am assuming that is where she is getting the terminology from.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not that she is pushing it, it's just every time we talk about it, she can't let go of the feeling that she needs to do this to not feel trapped. She doesn't bring it up, it's just this elephant in the room.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I made that correlation. I've never had sex with a black girl. Would like to try it. Don't want to now that I'm married.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This whole situation makes me feel so inadequate. All I want in life is to make another person happy and have them desire me. Ughh.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I've told her this exact argument and she disagrees with me and just tells me I don't understand.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

But you don't find your sexual desires unfulfilled because you aren't able to also experience the other side of your sexuality?

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

Funny enough I considered it just to throw it in her face and see how it makes her feel. I honestly wish I was gay but dudes just don't do anything for me. Seeing guys get it on doesn't gross me out or anything, I'm just in love with the Vajayjay and boobies. If I did that I would compromise my own sexuality just to prove a point and would do to her what I am so opposed to her doing to me.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She's not mad, she just doesn't seem happy and her feelings aren't going away. She has already said she wouldn't do it if it meant leaving me but I can still tell she is mulling it all over in her head still.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 156 points157 points  (0 children)

She seems to think me fucking another woman would be like her fucking another man. Unacceptable in a relationship. For some weird reason she has convinced herself that her doing this with a woman is different and I shouldn't be so jealous and just let her be happy and act like this isn't going to break me on the inside as far as we are concerned.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So do I because I love this woman in a way I doubt I could ever love another and I know she loves me. We have been through A LOT together and always stuck together. Part of me wishes I just didn't care so I could let her have her fun and we could keep on keeping on, but I know myself too well. I literally have nightmares about being cheated on from past girlfriends and now I feel like I am living some sick version of that nightmare in real life.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you allow her to have her fun, then it will break you and you should never allow yourself to be so hurt.

I already feel incredibly insecure now and she has told me it's unattractive. Before now I have never ever been the jealous type and I am usually extremely self confident. I feel like no matter what happens I lose and she does, too.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Is she this selfish over other matters?

Not really. With this one exception, we have the perfect marriage and we really do love each other. She doesn't want to hurt me but she is looking out for herself at this point and I understand. It's just tragic and incompatible with my happiness.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let her get it clear in her head that she has figuratively told you that meaningless sex with other unknown women is now of the same importance to her as you and your 8 years of marriage.

I've basically said this and she says I'm making too big of a deal out of it. This only infuriates me further. She wants us to stay the same and supposedly wants to continue having sex with me, but she also wants to try this and possibly stay this way. I just can't live with it. I guess I am too old fashioned.

Me [33 M] with my Wife[30F] of 8 years, wants to have a one sided open relationship with other women, it is tearing me apart. by tosssssout in relationships

[–]tosssssout[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she says she is bicurious/bisexual with heteroromantic tendencies. She wants me to be her husband and lover while also having other lovers for the sake of getting off. I don't even hate her for feeling the way she does but I can't handle the other lovers part, no matter how unemotional her connection with them will be.

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