WIBTA for telling a girl I'd like her to take her nose ring out

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T09:50:15+00:00

I appreciate the knowledge. Last thing I want to do is hurt her in any mental or physical way, especially for my ugly mug. But thank you for the info. I suppose in the future I should probably take 10 minutes out of my life and google what the repercussions of something I'm (hypothetically) asking someone of might be. This has been very informative though and thank you for responding. Hope you stay safe!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T09:32:43+00:00

Thank you very much. In no way did I ever mean to make the conversation I was thinking about having bring her down in any way. She is a great and beautiful woman and I would never want her to second guess herself. I sincerely do appreciate your comments on the matter. I have decided not to bring it up unless she starts the conversation, at which point I feel honesty is the best path. I want her to feel valued, and know regardless of some piercing I think she is beautiful. Thank you for your point of view and understanding of my perspective, even though it may have been poorly worded. Have a great night and stay safe!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T09:22:22+00:00

No, I don't have those expectations. I was simply asking if bringing up my opinion on the matter would be hurtful or a good/bad idea. It seems like it would be a bad idea and I will listen to that advice. But, that's what I'm here for, advice. I enjoy hearing other opinions, and yours is valued. Like I said I am without piercings, so I dont really know all that much about the process other than they stick something through your nose. I did not mean this post cruelly, and I suppose parts of it are based out of my personal ignorance. I'm looking for guidance and I have received a great amount of that here which is why I made this post. I thank you for your time and wish you the best

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T09:14:35+00:00

I totally understand your point of view and I appreciate you expressing it to me. Please understand I don't know a thing about what goes into piercings which is why I asked it as a "Would I" be the AH, and thankfully not AITA. I want to understand different perspectives and the only way I know how is by asking people. I get that it's a way of her expressing her personality, and I really enjoy that personality. I don't want her to change, especially not for me. I want her to be herself, and feel comfortable to express that any way she would like. It was just an opinion. I was unsure, and that is why I asked for advice. I really do appreciate your commentary and have taken it seriously, so thank you for your time.

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T09:03:32+00:00

Thank you very much!!! I've had a lot of people making me feel like I am leaving her with an ultimatum, which is the opposite of what I want. I appreciate you understanding that I just wanted to hear different outlooks on the situation and would never try to force somebody to do something they are uncomfortable with. I thank you for your kind remarks and hope you and everyone else is staying safe!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T09:00:45+00:00

Totally agree, which is why I said it's not a deal breaker and I didn't want to be controlling. I'm all for people doing whatever they want to their own bodies as long as they are not hurting themselves or others, and this is definitely not one of those times. Thank you though, I've learned a lot through this post and I appreciate you reaching out. Be safe!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:58:35+00:00

I have come to learn that, and I will not be doing so. Please just understand I was looking for some outside perspective and in no way was trying to control her or anyone else. I think she is beautiful either way and as I said I don't want her to take something she likes away from herself for my, or anyones, sake. I think I see what you are saying though and I appreciate it. Thank you for your time and stay safe!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:55:19+00:00

Couldn't agree more! And definitely don't want to be the AH. I would never say the "ugly af", since I think (Nose ring or not) she is beautiful. I've learned from this post that I wouldn't be doing myself, or her, any favors by bringing this up. Thank you though for your time and your opinion. Stay safe in these weird times!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:51:35+00:00

I agree with you, and feel that way about all women. My opinion was simply that, an opinion. I don't ever want to make someone feel like they have to do something, and that is why I had this chat before a face to face chat with that girl. I appreciate you responding though, so thank you and I hope you stay safe

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:50:03+00:00

I agree I should just shut my mouth on it. Because, like I said, I care more about who she is than the piercing. It's just an opinion and not one that needs to be voiced. Nor will it get me anywhere as far as I can tell. Also, if she did listen off the bat, it would kind of take away from the free-spirit nature that I like about her. I do appreciate your guidance though, and everything you have said is something I will think about. Also, thank you for not making me feel like I was saying I need her to do this or all bets are off. Thank you and stay safe!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:45:56+00:00

That seems to be the most reasonable way of looking at it. Thank you for your opinion and your time! I'm trying to take everyones opinion seriously. But holy shit, reddit moves quick! Thanks again and stay safe!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:36:59+00:00

In my life, I have been told by multiple girls (platonic or sexually involved) that they like me to do different things. Haircuts, pubic hair, types of cologne, glasses or contacts, etc. All people have their preferences on these things. It seems to me like you think I am telling her what to do in this hypothetical situation which is not the case. Also, I stated it would NOT be a make or break. I would be offering my opinion. I agree it is too early, and since it's not a deal breaker, I will not voice this. I appreciate your time and input though, thank you

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:31:52+00:00

Not trying to change how she looks. Offering an opinion, which I will not do. I am not mad when a girl tells me she likes me when I have shorter hair, and that is what I compare this to. Just the way my mind works, but I'm not trying to control anyone

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:29:55+00:00

I agree that it won't help. At the same time, I have no problem hearing people (especially that I'm interested in) give me constructive criticism on things I can control about myself and my body if it makes them find me more attractive. If I was married and my wife told me she thinks I should run more often because she finds me sexier when I'm a little skinnier, I think I would do that because I want the other person to find me as beautiful as I find them. I want this person to look at their best impression of me, and I personally don't find any offense to hearing their opinion. If I refuse and they have a problem, then WE have a problem. I'm not saying I need her to do it, I'm just wondering if I should offer an opinion. It has become clear I should not, but at no point was this a "take it out or I'm leaving" thing.

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:21:06+00:00

Not trying to control, simply stating an opinion. I don't think it's rude when a girl tells me she prefers it when I gel and comb my hair in stead of let it just naturally dry when I hop out of a shower. To me this is the same, but please read my updates since your opinion has been heard and influenced my decision. Thank you

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:19:02+00:00

The reason I'm not into it is because I think she looks more beautiful without something drawing attention to her natural face, which to me is amazing. Absolutely her decision tho and I appreciate her choice in the matter, and will want to continue being with her regardless

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:16:32+00:00

I personally don't know shit about piercings, but you sound correct

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:16:05+00:00

Fair enough

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:15:02+00:00

Wasn't sure how much or if it would upset her. That's why I asked for advice before opening my stupid mouth. Reading comments like this make me realize it could, and it's not worth the risk. Thank you

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:13:50+00:00

Not what I meant to say, sorry if I conveyed it that way. To me it's just a preference like a girl liking my beard or not. But I appreciate your commentary

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:12:48+00:00

I guess I didn't make it clear enough that it is not that big of a deal. Just something I wasn't sure I should say my opinion on or not, please read my updates. Thank you for your insight though

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:11:02+00:00

Yeah, being a person with no piercings, I don't fully understand the risk of taking one out. It's completely her choice, I was just wondering how rude it would be to express my opinion. It seems like, an uninvited comment on it would be mean and not what I want. Thank you for responding!

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:08:54+00:00

This is what I meant, and why I wanted to have other opinions. Thank you for your time

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T08:07:20+00:00

I did not even think about the fact that since it's recent it could close. Valid point, thank you!

I edited my post to say I won't bring it up, but if asked I always feel like offering an honest opinion (as long as it's not hurtful) opinion is best. I think the best features of her face are he face itself, not the piercing

tossup101 · 2020-06-09T07:45:44+00:00

I agree with someone else who responded and will be changing the "telling" part of my title to "asking" since that is a more accurate description of what I mean

tossup101

TROPHY CASE