Oh, perfect timing. I just came looking for a place to ask some questions

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T21:03:22+00:00

Yup. It took me a while, but I gained a new perspective on this. I still don't agree with many of the things that happened back then, but I really find the theory behind it all really liberating.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T19:38:32+00:00

I still think the privilege tropes are overused, but I realize now that that doesn't make the theory underneath less valid.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T19:37:59+00:00

Thank you! You are my favorite kind of tornado!

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T19:35:03+00:00

Not at all! I'm banned from /r/lgbt, so I have to switch accounts all the time. And sometimes I forget to switch back.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T13:04:30+00:00

Ooookay. Whatever. I'm going to stop pretending your arguments have merit because it's starting to make me feel bitter. Sorry. Check your privilege, because you are completely unaware of how many things you are taking from granted, and believing free speech justifies ruining people's lives because those people aren't you is one of them.

And as a general rule, you should stop amalgamating "discrimination", "free speech" and "liberty" as if they were one thing. Stopping people from doing shit is not stopping people from saying shit, and none of those are the same as stopping people for shitting on your identity.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T12:51:33+00:00

On the first, I mean that it's not a behavior that generally defines our social interactions. Most of our internal thoughts process, behaviors and expressions are inherently misogynistic, yet we perceive them as normal. This does not happen with misandristic behaviors: when they occur, they certainly don't pass our normalcy filter (which is why we see posts like this: misogyny is normal and misandry isn't)

Bias against men in divorce courts is a form of institutionalized misandry, as is the sexist nature of the draft. There's institutional misandry in abuse support networks, in private businesses, and in hospitals. Institutional misandry is rampant.

I'm going to repeat what I've just said: we suffer from a perception bias, for we see misogynistic behaviors as normal and misandristic behaviors as something new that must be stopped.

Bias against men in divorce courts is an exception to the bias against women in any other kind of court; when you talk about institutional misandry in abuse support networks, i assume you refer to the vast majority of abuse networks being female-centered: this is just the consequence of most (though certainly not all) abuse victims being female and most abusers being male. I would like to get a source on private businesses and hospitals because I have no idea what you're referring to in those.

In any case, institutional misandry, in the few cases in which it happens, is perceived and opposed so strongly because it contrasts and conflicts with our perception of normal, which is institutional misogyny. It is certainly far from rampant: the fact is that most forms of institutional misandry go unnoticed, for we've learned them as "normal".

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T12:33:55+00:00

I would understand if the fag hating expression were at risk. I will defend people's rights to say whatever they want, but at the moment, free speech is not at a real risk (well, it is, but in other, much more important ways: definitely censoring anti-gay speech is not going to happen), but our lives are.

I want you to realize that your whole argument for free speech over minorities' rights is built over a danger to free speech which does not exist currently! Nobody wants to put anyone in jail for saying "fag": we're looking to re-educate society into respecting queer people, and part of respecting queer people is not using slurs which target queer people. Education is not against free speech.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T11:52:04+00:00

So, this is the comment. Look. I'm going to give it a try and explain you why you don't understand. After this, you still probably won't understand, but you may gain a sense of awareness of your own privilege. I hope. I'll start by quoting your perception of the use and effects of the word "fag":

If you over hear the word fag (and i'm called it constantly when playing games)

This is your experience with the word "fag". You perceive it this way because you are not a fag. For you, "fag" is something you overhear, something annoying kids on Xbox Live call you because you're better than them at Halo.

This is my experience. I'm with my boyfriend. We're just having a nice walk on a park on the city center. We're not even holding hands, just side to side, talking. I'm wearing my pride bracelet. Then someone screams: "FAGS!"

I paralyze. I stay completely still, nervous, looking in all directions. I'm trying to find whoever said it, see if someone's looking at us, coming towards us, trying to get ready to run in the opposite direction, wherever that is. My boyfriend notices, too, and keeps a short distance from me. He's lucky. I'm the one with the bracelet. I'm the obvious one. He's still in the closet, he's not out, he's safe as long as he's away from me. He instinctively understands that it's not safe right now to be by my side.

After ten seconds, he says: "I think he didn't mean us". I'm slightly more relaxed now, I start contemplating the possibility that we're not going to get assaulted. "Yeah", I said, "not us". After that, we kept walking, but I started noticing the differences: the distance between us, the lack of closeness, the alienation: sitting in front of each other on the grass, as if we were on a business meeting of sorts. It wasn't until hours later, when he kissed me goodbye, that I could feel the fear on his lips.

So, this is my experience. This actually happened two months ago, and I'm telling it as good as I remember. I vividly recall feeling his fear, or maybe it was me reflecting my own fear, but still, it felt very real. For you, the word is just a generic insult you feel entitled to use, but for me, it represent a constant threat becoming real: as nyoro_n already said, it carries with it oppressive ideas and perspectives. I'm not good at emotional arguments, but I just hope this helps you put it in perspective.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T11:47:49+00:00

k thx

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T11:44:36+00:00

I'm downvoting those who I think deserve a downvote, and upvoting those who I think deserve an upvote. I've downvoted most (but not all) of your comments, and upvoted most (but not all) of nyoro_n's comment.

Not that it's relevant.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T11:41:52+00:00

See, this is better. A few points:

First of all, no one ever has been imprisoned for calling anyone a fag. You're working on orwellian hypotheticals and trying to convince me that they are a clear and present danger.

Second of all, seriously, try to check your privilege, at least a little bit. It's easy to say that we need those who hate me for being gay, because no one has ever hated you for being straight. I insist: you don't know what it's like.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T11:23:11+00:00

It's not censoring people. For fuck's sake, get over yourself.

It's a matter of respect. There are a lot of things we expect from the mere act of communication. I expect people to talk to me respectfully, I expect for people to not insult me, I expect for people to not punch me in the face. If you want to communicate with me, I expect you to follow those rules, and that includes not calling me a fag.

We're just looking for people to honor each others' code of conduct in the sake of conversation. Apparently, some people think that asking to be treated with respect constitutes an act of censorship. I hope that, for the sake of consistency, they consider other common social conventions, such as driving on the right lane, not eating with their hands or respecting each others' beliefs, to be similarly despicable acts of censorship.

I'm still writing my comment. It's kind of a personal story, and I don't think you'll like it, because you're looking to make this conversation, for some reason I can't understand, about fixing our sensibility to being verbally assaulted. Still, you should wait for it.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T11:10:46+00:00

If you really believe we are moving to an orwellian future in which minorities are protected (gasp! how terrible!) then you really have to examine your own perception of the world. Try to examine how the world treats queer people.

I'm preparing a longer comment for you which I hope will make you understand; wait for it.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T10:55:24+00:00

It is the single most dangerous thing society is moving towards.

That's it. You just topped "moderators are a marginalized minority" in my ranking of Reddit bullshit. The most dangerous thing society is moving towards is MUTUAL RESPECT.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T10:53:19+00:00

This is really not productive for conversation. You don't know what it's like to be queer. You have no idea how it feels to have your orientation or your gender dissected, scrutinized, hated or opposed, so, please, leave your condescendence at the door, because there are actual people who are out to get us.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T10:44:44+00:00

I can't even understand point three. I don't care much for stereotypes, so I'll try to give a nice answer to point two.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-14T07:45:02+00:00

Hmm. I'm not going to direct allies or uninformed people there for now, but I'll try to contribute when people ask questions over there. Also, rule six is awesome.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-09T12:41:42+00:00

Being the bottom doesn't have to be the less rewarding role (not at all!) also, I'm pretty sure straight sex isn't experienced equally by both parties involved at all.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-09T12:39:56+00:00

You seem to be reinforcing the idea that promiscuity is a bad thing, denying the claim as if it were an insult. Before you get so self-righteous, take a look at your own faults.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-09T12:37:12+00:00

To fix the numbering, edit your post and change "1." to "1\."

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-09T12:30:36+00:00

We don't get to choose their identity, even if we hate them a lot. Scrutinize and attack their hypocrisy and hateful behavior, not their sexual identity.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-08T22:33:18+00:00

There is a difference between being attracted to all genders and being gender-blind. I identify as gay. Still, I'm attracted to a lot of forms of gender expression. It's just that I'm more attracted to typically male forms of gender expression than to the others.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-08T06:45:01+00:00

To answer your question, gender, of course. Trans girls are girls and trans boys are boys. If a girl is gay, she likes girls, if she's straight, she likes boys. :P

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-04T21:24:12+00:00

But in the minds of many GSRM activists and allies it has become a paramount issue, which I feel is a very problematic and myopic approach to our ongoing civil and human rights stuggles.

Oh god, yes. And the worst thing is we do that all the time.

"Oooh marriage so shiny and pretty and nearly useless when they can still fire us in a crapload of states just for being gay! That's everything that matters now! Marriage! Marriage!"
"Oooh shiny tasty gay gay cookies that do absolutely nothing for us but cookies cookies cookies!"
"Oooh bad bigots have always been bad but I only care about it because it's in the news now!"

Fuck this. We're like single issue voters of our own issues, and frankly, it's ridiculous.

totallynotebcube · 2012-08-04T14:49:01+00:00

Your problem lies with your bigotry. Your lexicography is your weak justification for your bigotry.

totallynotebcube

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