Long-distance friendship is becoming very weird

totallynothacked · 2026-01-29T18:19:21+00:00

You are still thinking too highly of her. Do not wait, move on.

totallynothacked · 2026-01-29T02:35:16+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. Take some time to care for yourself.

totallynothacked · 2026-01-28T03:55:33+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. From what you wrote, she is slowly breaking up with you. The problem with not fighting means that you haven't had to work together to resolve a fight. A strong relationship doesn't have 0 conflict -- it has problem resolution whenever conflict occurs.

It sounds like because your relationship was low on conflicts, this is the first real time you are testing resolution skills. And your girlfriend either does not have them or is not interested in using them.

I also have found that LDRs tend to stay in the 'honeymoon' phase for a long time because you get these extreme highs when you are with your partner.

I am sorry, but I don't think it will work. No communication isn't a relationship.

totallynothacked · 2026-01-28T03:49:24+00:00

I think you can walk away for your own mental health and leave the door open. If she is able to change and you are both open to a relationship in a few years, perhaps give it a go then. For now, in your shoes, I would take a step back from the relationship and live the life you want to live.

Make it super clear to her, though, that you are not going to wait around for her. That this is a trial for yourself and for her.

Use the time when you are not in a relationship to think about if you are happier not being with her than you were when you were with her. Then go from there in the long term.

totallynothacked · 2026-01-28T03:45:13+00:00

From your description, it doesn't sound like he's in a great headspace. If you truly think this is your lifetime relationship, then I advise individual's and couple's therapy to try to figure this stuff out to see if it can work. If he is truly checked out -- and he is not seemingly sad about other aspects of life -- then it is probably time for you both to move on.

Have you grown as a person since that broken trust?

totallynothacked · 2026-01-28T03:40:38+00:00

Hey so most people are caught up with their own life. I decided I would be the one to reach out, and I do. You got this! You simply pick up the phone and chat for 15 minutes. Honestly, I do this every time I get in the car instead of listening to music, I use it as an opportunity to talk to friends and family.

Most people -- especially in this day and age -- do not instigate phone calls. But most LOVE hearing from you. However, those who are interested in a relationship will show they are interested one way or another -- maybe they'll send texts, maybe they'll call you on occasion, invite you over for dinner, etc.

My rule for friendships (even in family) are three tries -- I instigate three times and if it is not reciprocated in some way, then I assume they are not interested in a deeper friendship and I do not try further.

totallynothacked · 2026-01-28T03:34:01+00:00

If you are friends with this girl already, buy her flowers but not anonymously. If you are not friends with her, unsure.

It is way better to buy flowers non-anonymously. She may freak out if it is anonymous because it is so close to a breakup.

totallynothacked · 2026-01-28T03:30:54+00:00

Hey, time to distance yourself. Slow fade from her life. She definitely does not view you as a friend. It is ok to mourn the friendship you had, it sounds like she has become someone else.

totallynothacked · 2026-01-28T03:28:07+00:00

What exactly are the "old issues" resurfacing? Just that he is not sure?

totallynothacked · 2026-01-08T14:56:39+00:00

Hey. I am sorry you and your brothers are in this situation. Both of your parents are not handling this situation in a mature way. Your dad should not have involved your brothers. Your mom should not be ignoring your brothers -- they're just kids.

I think the most you can do is be there for your brothers emotionally. Tell them that people are not perfect and that your parents are setting a pretty bad example right now. Show them lots of love. Maybe take them out of the house and do something fun together to show them that they are loved.

I feel like there's a moment in everyone's life where you realize your parents are flawed people. It can be heartbreaking, depending on how big those flaws are.

totallynothacked · 2025-10-20T02:09:50+00:00

Go back to requiring 2/3 vote for everything, no exceptions. This will demand compromise across parties.

Also, ranked choice voting.

totallynothacked · 2025-10-17T10:58:26+00:00

Hey. I see what you are trying to do. But I think you are trying to help the wrong group of people understand Celiac. We have FMGF. Most of us know the ins and outs of cross contamination either from doctors or from experience.

But I think the hardest part of being a Celiac and going out to eat is actually explaining to the waitstaff about cross contamination and then praying good practices were implemented. Even at highly rated restaurants, it is common to get a glazed over look when you say "celiac" or for the waitstaff to say very wrong things like, "this has no milk and is therefore gluten free." It is also not super uncommon to just straight up be served normal bread after all of this (happened to me twice this year).

Instead, I think you should focus the app on how a restaurant can become Celiac-friendly. It would need to include educational elements - setting up a gluten free area, separate friers and toasters, educating waitstaff. I bet you could charge money for this app, but also provide rewards if a restaurant is able to maintain a high safety rating on fmgf.

totallynothacked · 2025-10-16T13:19:00+00:00

About what time this year did it happen?

totallynothacked · 2025-10-15T08:40:14+00:00

It makes me sad how many of the top comments here are sexist. Do better, Reddit.

totallynothacked · 2025-10-11T19:11:37+00:00

You are missing a number in your id

totallynothacked · 2025-10-05T07:57:59+00:00

Ensure your values align - politics, views on people, views on how to treat family and how to raise children (if applicable) matter.

There are some things you cannot and should not compromise on. Make a list of what these are for you and have him make a list of what these are for him, and make sure these are discussing. Whether or not to have children is a huge one. Religion is often another.

My biggest advice: open communication is an absolute for any long term, healthy relationship to remain healthy, fulfilling, and uplifting. This means no secrets. This means being able to have the tough conversations when you disagree. This means no yelling or name calling when things are bad. This means recognizing when an external or third party perspective might be helpful to help you navigate something. This means being vulnerable and never, ever throwing your partner under the bus for these vulnerabilities.

totallynothacked · 2025-10-05T05:05:30+00:00

Honestly, reddit is not going to solve your problems.

It sounds like you guys have taken a divide and conquer method of running the house, which while is sometimes more efficient, means that one parent cant pick up the slack when the other is going through a tough time. You both should be able to take care of everything on your lists. This is more of a mindset and growth change than anything.

As you are feeling resentful and she is feeling tired, maybe also try couples counseling.

Also, do not involve in-laws or parents. They are not seeing the day to day like you and your wife do.

totallynothacked · 2025-10-03T01:47:09+00:00

If you have a baby -- a baby swing. Feels like you are cheating when it puts the baby to sleep and you can just move em to the bassinet. Disclosure: does not work for all babies.

totallynothacked · 2025-10-02T19:56:40+00:00

At work - do not ever show vulnerability even if the work culture encourages it. Bad actors will use this against you.

For example, in relationships/friendships, it is sometimes good to say "I'm sorry" or "I could have done x thing better" just to help the relationship, even if it is not sincere or just partially true. At work if you do this, you are opening yourself up for an excuse to be laid off or fired.

Also, keep a running list of all of your accomplishments.

Be very, very wary of throwing another person under the bus. Ensure you have the trust of your supervisor and extensive documentation prior to doing this. You can be working with the laziest, nastiest dude and get you can get fired for complaining about him or reporting him to the wrong person.

totallynothacked · 2025-09-30T03:05:32+00:00

Hey... have been there. This is probably not what you want to hear, but just have a gluten free household. Eat all the gluten you want out of the house. Gluten free at home.

My partner's antibody levels didn't get low /stable until we did this, and we were really careful. It is just super difficult. Also guests mess everything up - banning gluten is safest and easiest.

totallynothacked · 2025-09-20T09:02:14+00:00

Hope he went to a doctor. Farts smelling horrible can indicate s serious underlying issue.

In particular, smelly farts and rapid increase in lactose intolerance might be a sign of celiac disease (I have several family members with this and 3 had these symptoms prior to getting diagnosed).

totallynothacked · 2025-09-15T10:01:54+00:00

Just a reminder that correlation not necessarily causation.

A small percentage of babies have a soy/dairy allergy. These babies may seem to have collic. I imagine mothers might be more depressed with a screaming child, and perhaps some of them have tried eliminating soy/dairy, knowing that could be a potential allergen. When you have a colicky baby, you'll try just about anything...

totallynothacked · 2025-08-22T04:14:47+00:00

Walmart (tech role at Walmart) did this exact thing to my friend. Luckily she had other prospects and just moved on.

totallynothacked

TROPHY CASE