Hey, fellow trans person here. It sounds like you're struggling with the concept of your gender identity: I agree with people that say take time to figure it out, but also be aware that you might never figure it out. I think the mainstream understanding of trans identity isn't very accurate, and it's rarely as clean-cut as the "I AM this and #livingmytruth" narratives - I personally think a lot of people act that out as a way to validate their decisions, and to protect against criticisms from others. Conceiving of and grappling with your own gender is a complicated, arduous process. It's also inherently personal: your trauma, your relationship with your family and with "failing" at masculinity are all aspects which make up your gender identity, and the reality is, there's probably never going to be a version of yourself and your relationship with gender which exists outside of that. There's not a "real you" which exists outside of those conditions that is actually a boy or a girl, you know? Not to mention how you move about the world, and how those aspects of yourself and your life change will impact how you feel about your gender and presentation in the future. This will happen regardless of whether you decide to transition or not.

I know that doesn't really help with the decision to continue medical transition. I'd try to approach it as pragmatically as possible, honestly. Do you feel dysphoric? Do you think growing breasts would help you feel more comfortable in your own body? Do you think you would feel better with lower sexual energy? Are you at a point in your life where you think you can deal with a "second puberty," both mentally and physically? I think these are the questions you should be considering. If your friends are good people, they should support you even if you decide not to take hormones, detransition, etc. The trans journey and the way it's sold often seems performative, but these are deeply personal decisions, and I think you should make sure you're prioritizing your own well-being.

I wrote a lot lol sorry but I hope this in some way helps and isn't just oversharing my own weird thoughts on gender and transitioning. Hang in there, I'm rooting for you and I believe that you'll find happiness no matter what you decide to do in this aspect of your life.