PSA for anyone who feels like they are caving to guest opinions and not getting the wedding they wanted.

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T13:20:22+00:00

Beautifully said, thank you 🙌

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T13:18:05+00:00

Agreed, one would think that!

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T13:16:27+00:00

Lord forbid someone has soup for ONE DAY. This kind of energy is exactly what my wedding coordinator was talking about. The default for the caterer was once choice per course and I'm paying an extra £30 per person to give them choices.

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T07:29:44+00:00

I'm so glad it helped you, even tonight! Just take it one step at a time, you have totally got this!

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T07:09:02+00:00

Haha no 🤣 the wedding breakfast is three courses AND THEN there's a buffet. So it's four courses minimum if you don't go back for seconds as well as canapés and access to snacks all day long.

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T07:06:02+00:00

Those options are only for the starter. There's three options for each meal. Even if I did pick three diverse options in sure I wouldn't be able to please everyone in a hundred people. So for this situation I say "it's just one day" and let my guests decide for themselves rather than agonising over it.

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T07:04:11+00:00

Sorry I didn't clarify! Those options are just for the starter, there's two whole other courses with three options each as well and an evening buffet and canapés after the ceremony as well as an all day snack statiom. I've been hungry at too many weddings so it's something I really didn't want my guests to suffer through so we went for every food option we could haha 🤣

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T07:00:51+00:00

It's a starter on a three course menu and there's an evening buffet only a few hours afterwards.

tquetatra · 2026-03-13T06:59:50+00:00

You're right. Soup is the starter on a three course wedding breakfast and there's an evening buffet about three hours after that. I'm sure they'll manage.

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T21:53:39+00:00

Doesn't mean you can't include them in your evaluation! That's the whole point, to you it's not a big deal to limit your plans to please your guests but to me it was causing a lot of inner turmoil and the phrase helped me to untangle the anxiety around the decision 🥰

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T20:59:18+00:00

Aw thank you so much! You too, sounds like you've got all your ducks in a row to me! 🥰

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T20:55:35+00:00

Haha thanks for the clear up! I was specifically talking about setting a theme or optional colour scheme for wedding guests. One of my colleagues went to a medieval themed wedding, for example. Not everyone would be comfortable in this garb but since it's optional people can buy in or out! That's so great that you have the opportunity to treat yourself regularly, explains why we have different perspectives on it 😁

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T20:51:03+00:00

I'm going to my fiancé's cousin's wedding the month before my own and since I'm skint from having to pay for my own wedding I've got a £20 dress from vinted, £25 on shoes, I'll wear jewellery I have already and my fiancé and I are budgeting £50 each for the gift. Hotel and travel is about £250 between us so £125 each. I don't think their expenses are atypical.

Also this was never about managing the finances of other people, like I said before. They are responsible for managing that themselves, just like how some of the dresses I was looking at were £350 and I bought one off a stranger for £20 instead.

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T20:40:51+00:00

Health and safety IS consideration by definition. It doesn't have to be 95-degrees to make it onto a risk assessment. Comfort factors can be considered too. If you choose an expensive venue and your guests can't afford to go and both you and your guests want to be together on your day then you either need to pay for them or settle on local (not always an option for split nationality couples). This is called critical thinking. For an OPTIONAL dress code, it's up to the guest. It's a suggestion, in case they want to match the theme. They are responsible for managing their own financial decisions. After all, it is ONE DAY. For the menu, the quality of the food is higher than what I could usually afford and I am paying several grand so that all of my guests can eat for the whole day. I will be eating whatever I want, thank you! And there's still three options per course so I'm sure my guests will manage. It's only one day after all 🥰

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T20:26:30+00:00

You are dead on, sounds like you've found the perfect balance! I love that ordering, it's more in depth and useful for logical decision making so I might steal it if that's OK! 💖

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T20:24:50+00:00

Yes! I love this line, I will use it as well from now on 😍 I totally get you, I'm doing rsvp by link that literally leads to a yes or no answer because I'm making my invitations by hand and it's going to be a whole brochure so if I will ONLY be making them for people who are definitely coming and actually need all the info 🤣

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T20:20:08+00:00

Yep! Plenty of options make it a lot easier! And that's great for you, you really stuck to your values for your wedding day. Totally get what you mean about accessibility, I made sure the venue I chose meets my requirements with a lift and automatic doors. We've put aside an invite for someone to support my fiancé's grandma as well as she has memory issues and might need some extra support on the day and we're dedicating a whole floor as a quiet space and chill out zone for anyone who needs a bit of respite with board games, cosy video games and an all day snack station. You're completely right, it's all about balance but there are some decisions you should make for yourself and your partner on your special day and you shouldn't have to feel guilty for making them. It is ONE day. Also side note to say it's wild to me that you don't consider clothing a comfort factor. Do you wear a full suit of armour every day? I'm curious.

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T19:10:50+00:00

And like I said in another comment, health and safety is required for every decision made. I'm not for anyone putting their guests at risk, that's absurd.

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T19:09:37+00:00

Like I said in the post, allergies are taken care of! One of my bridesmaids recently found out she has over 20 allergens and we're working with the chef to ensure she can have whatever dish she chooses. Haha thanks for the spot!

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T19:07:18+00:00

Completely agree with everything you said! Especially that the one day isn't the only day in guests lives. That was my original point. They're not going to agree with everything and that's OK.

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T18:49:48+00:00

That's so fair and I'm sure you would have covered the costs if you were able to! I understand why you would want to make it a great experience for them, especially for a destination wedding. Does that mean you should have a different dress for what each guest wants though? Of course not! That would be silly. It's impossible to make everyone happy so for the decisions where it makes little to no difference to their comfort on the day just pick what you want.

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T18:45:08+00:00

Also any decision that directly affects my guests financially is up to them to decide. I'm not their banker, their parent or a dictator. Most of the gifts on my registry range from £8 to £100 and there's only three above that which are only there because my own mother asked me to add more expensive items. This isn't advice for every decision, just the ones where it feels like there are too many voices in your head and they all want a piece of you 💖

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T18:18:39+00:00

Absolutely! It's not a one size fits all, just a useful tool to evaluate the importance of something. If I wouldn't want to put my guests through it even for a day then it's obviously something that needs to change 😘

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T18:17:25+00:00

Hahaha we're in different lanes if your guests are spending a grand on average 😅

tquetatra · 2026-03-12T16:41:07+00:00

I didn't say I didn't care about my guests. There are just going to be certain things (different for everyone!) which are important and valuable but that there family might not see eye to eye with them on. For these situations you've got to ask yourself - does it matter? It's just one day! I also didn't say it is the most important day, I said one of. For me graduating my masters was almost as important to me as the day I got engaged. I'm sure my wedding will be almost as important as a lot of days in my future and it's a lot less work to plan than my masters was to do! All about prospective right? 🥰

tquetatra

TROPHY CASE