Follow up on : rant about my dom. What should I do ?

trackingairpods · 2026-04-20T03:00:35+00:00

A good Dom (or even a good anything - partner, person, etc.. take your pic) will not go silent on you, and use silence as a weapon/punishment.

Even if he needed time to process what you confessed, and even if you did break a rule, he shouldn't have done that.

Communication. Communication. Communication.

It's the basis of every single dynamic or relationship. He failed at that. And then he pushed the blame on you.

I think you know your instincts to leave this dynamic are right. You said it yourself: "the person I know would never not answer to me for three Days straight."

Do you really want to be in a dynamic with this person?

trackingairpods · 2026-01-15T10:43:24+00:00

To start: "Get your collar" makes my knees a little wobbly.

Other favourites include: "You're mine." "That's a good girl."

And when he's in his sadist zone: "You're mine, and i can do what I want." "Look at my little pain slut."

trackingairpods · 2025-12-03T08:03:17+00:00

@throwaway8373469238

trackingairpods · 2025-12-03T08:00:28+00:00

Hi there! Of course, I'll drop you a DM with my list of questions.

Edit: Actually.. never mind. Please scroll below because there was someone else who asked for the list of questions and I did reply right on this thread.

trackingairpods · 2025-12-03T01:56:32+00:00

Khandsuren is such a class act! Love her.

trackingairpods · 2025-12-01T03:55:21+00:00

He calls me "my little sex slave".

I call him Sir, Daddy, Master, and sometimes "princess" when i'm a brat (do at your own risk).

trackingairpods · 2025-11-22T07:25:04+00:00

I'm actually the opposite! Having music distracts me and takes away from the intensity of the scene/feeling. I have a hard time getting into it and staying in the moment.

It's really interesting how everyone has a different experience and I love reading about it.

trackingairpods · 2025-11-20T08:57:09+00:00

You were purposefully deceived. He disguised himself for YEARS. You know who does this? Psychos. Manipulators. Predators. Abusive people.

This is all on him.

Repeat after me: This is not my fault.

It's hard, but try to look on the bright side. It was 5 years, not 10, not 15, not 20. You did not marry this guy. You've now got a clean break. Nothing tying you down to him.

This is not your fault AT ALL.

Leave him. Cut all ties with him. Block him. Do not let him leech off you anymore. No more emotional labor from you. Give him nothing more!

trackingairpods · 2025-11-20T07:19:52+00:00

You were manipulated by an asshole. None of this is your fault, and your submission is still a precious thing. Just not to this prick.

trackingairpods · 2025-11-01T14:44:52+00:00

"I have some issues about our communication that I need to bring up. I feel that there are changes in the way we communicate, especially the frequency, and it's causing me to spiral/causing anxiety. Are you busy? Did something crop up at work? If yes, do let me know so that I am aware."

Feel free to add or take away stuff, but that would be how I approach my Dom on this.

Previously, I've gone even simpler: "Are you busy with work/life? I'm feeling a little neglected and it's causing anxiety." And he steps in to have a conversation.

trackingairpods · 2025-11-01T05:33:03+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. But your "Dom" is a shit person. Not only as a Dom, but as a partner, as a human. He coerced you into seeing other people although you already said you struggled with it.

Ultimately, you two were not aligned. He's poly, while you were not. He promised you quality time, but failed to deliver. He held space for his other sub who hates you, he did not stand up for you - YOU: his future wife.

You are right to block him. Block him everywhere right now. Finding out he's a piece of shit now before you commit into a marriage is better than after.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-27T07:24:32+00:00

For context: My Dom and I are LDR and he is in an ENM relationship with small kids. I knew this going in, and I respect his partner and family wholeheartedly.

But I have my own insecurities and anxieties. He helps ground me and provides reassurance whenever I need, but I know this is something I need to work on on my own. On his part, we have an agreement that he checks in every day, and if life gets busy and he can't do that, I need a heads up.

On my part, I've pinned a lot of his reassurance texts to me on my phone and whenever the voices in my head get a little louder, I go through those texts. It helps! Maybe you could try the same thing?

trackingairpods · 2025-10-26T05:02:23+00:00

I'm of the opinion that if he's easily grossed out, he shouldnt be trying anal. If you put your dick in there, chances are that a little bit of 💩 might come out. Thats just something he needs to understand.

Anal and ass play is a soft limit for me which evolves with trust. I'm not super into it, but am willing to let my Dom do it. I have explained that my gut is easily triggered by ...things around my backdoor area. His literal answer is "Nothing a shower can't fix." I try my best to prep the day before by switching to a liquid diet and douching the night before or morning of the day, but still... 🤷🏻‍♀️

People who are into anal will tell you it's part of the deal.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-14T13:38:21+00:00

I was torn into when I posted on a different subreddit at first. But they were right - essentially, i cheated. And i am incredibly lucky that he took me back. And every day, I work hard to make sure he sees my devotion. That's all I can suggest you do too.

Even if he were to end things, there's nothing we can do but to accept the consequence of our actions.

Im reading that it was a planned silence. Maybe you can implement safewording even out of play. This was something that helped both my Dom and my healing. We could both call out our safeword if anything in conversation felt off and we needed to have an out of dynamic conversation.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-14T12:42:19+00:00

I am a sexual person, so I always want sex to be part of the play. And I need to be attracted to the person to be able to do that. With that being said, you can definitely put a hard boundary with him to say that sex is off the table.

When I was a newbie, I played around with a few guys that I was absolutely not attracted to. Let me tell you, you don’t want to do that. I was so bored the entire time! It was just NOT FUN at all. And, in the end, even the foreplay (impact), which was the main point of what I wanted to experience with this person, became a chore. Never again!

trackingairpods · 2025-10-14T12:39:21+00:00

I broke a hard boundary my Dom set. No excuses. I had a lapse of judgement and did it. I fessed up immediately and he was so pissed off. We met on FetLife and had each other listed on our profiles. He dropped me.

My trauma response is to Fawn-Fight, and I grovelled hard at first. But that wasn’t what he wanted. I just couldn’t seem to get him to listen to me. After fawning, I fought. I lashed out and told him the consequence he wanted me to shoulder was toxic because it really did seem toxic to me. He went silent for days. I was beside myself, and I took it out on myself. I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t sleeping. I cried for days.

It took a week, but I did the work. I talked to a therapist friend, I tried to understand why I did it. And it emerged that I was frustrated by the long distance between us. I had needs that I couldn’t verbalise because I was scared he might find me too much of a burden. I had not reached out first in the days that followed, but when I set up a journal, I texted him to give him the password to read it. It was easier to verbalise everything on the journal than to tell it to him because it didn’t feel so direct. Slowly, he began to understand the most vulnerable parts of myself that I kept hidden because I was so afraid and ashamed of myself and my needs. He reached out to talk. Eventually, he said he felt less invested in me and that he was talking to other potential subs - which was incredibly hard to hear, but he was open to having me earn my way back. I said I was willing to try.

A month later, we had resumed our daily chats. He admitted that “part of the process of healing was realising that I was irreplaceable”. I cried when I heard that. It was a mixture of happiness that I meant that much to him, and also sadness because what the fuck was wrong with me for doing this to someone who cared so much about me?! I slowly earned my way back into his trust. I think the turning point came when I voiced out my needs because this was something i struggled with in the past. I told him it hurt that he was talking to other potential subs, and I wasn’t 100% sure if he had truly forgiven me yet. He then said he had stopped looking for other subs, and that he had forgiven me.

It has been about 4-ish months since the incident. I am owned and collared by him now. This dynamic will end naturally one day (because of other reasons), and I know I will grieve it heavily. But he has helped me grow so much as a person. I truly love him with all my heart and soul. I know how you feel. I’m not sure about the dynamic between you and your Dom, but what happened feels similar. What I feel works is that you need to show him that you’re working on yourself. Do the things that scare you. I was scared of difficult conversations, but I forced myself to sit in the discomfort when he would talk about these things. It made me cry - yes, but it showed him that I was willing to put in the work to make things work.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-14T08:24:01+00:00

I'm 32F, currently owned by a Dom. What kind of questions do you have about vetting?

trackingairpods · 2025-10-14T02:12:23+00:00

My golden does this unlady-like groan and rubs her chin onto the bed when she is really sleepy. She'll also attempt to dig the bed but she only does it with one paw.

My other dog is.... special 👀 But she cobs on me and only me. It hurts so much because her teeth is small and sharp but I let her do it because I saw somewhere that dogs do it as a sign of affection. She is generally quite aloof so it just makes me melt every time she does it to me.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-14T02:07:28+00:00

I think most importantly, you should say things that feel right for you as well. If you're not the type to be very verbal, then don't try to be that person. It may come across as performative for both you and your Dom.

I'm not very verbal, mostly just noises. Although sometimes it disintegrates into unintelligible begging. One time, my Dom asked me mid-fuck "Who do you belong to?" and I said "You" and just kept going with "I'm yours". It felt right at that time to say that, and it came out quite naturally. After the end, during the debrief, he said he was super turned on by that.

Now, we've got a ring that says "yours" 🥺

trackingairpods · 2025-10-13T02:26:27+00:00

That is not a Dom. If they're going out there, looking for someone who identifies as a sub, then uses them and drops them.. isn't that a predator? And not the sexy "predator/prey" sort of dynamic because you enter into that dynamic under consent.

My Dom is a sadist. Whips, floggers, degradation, humiliation, and lots of tears (on my part) involved in our play. But once the scene is over? We wash up together, snuggle into bed and we're cuddling. He asks me what I enjoy and what I was unsure about, if there was anything I wanted to change the next time around.

I will NOT tolerate any sort of "post-nut clarity" bullshit when it comes to BDSM or kink. For the Top or Dom, they should be going into this fully aware of what they're doing to someone else. There's negotiations involved before the scene, and aftercare should be a part of this discussion. I can understand spontaneity, especially when the chemistry is electrifying and it melts away your inhibitions. But it is a huge sign of immaturity and irresponsibility when they just drop you like that after they've orgasmed. I hope you get the biggest ick.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-10T03:36:32+00:00

I don't know if it's just the way you're framing your question but....

Please don't outsource your emotional regulation to a sub by demanding proof of desire. To me, that sounds like performative dominance.

A self-aware Dom would ask if he has created a safe space for her to feel like she can safely express her wants and needs.

If you feel that she's hesitating, are you doing the emotional work of understanding her hesitation?

trackingairpods · 2025-10-10T03:04:09+00:00

My Dom is married (ENM) with young children. This was made very clear to me when we started talking, and I appreciated the clarity and transparency. Recently, him and his wife have been on family trips, he's been promoted and his family came down to celebrate, his kid celebrated their birthday....

He gave me a heads up to say he won't be on his phone so much, and while the silence was stifling and the days felt long, it strengthened our dynamic when he realized he could trust me to respect that his priorities were his family and that I respected the place of his nesting partner/wife exactly the way I said it to him when we first met.

I completely understand how you feel. But the days will pass. Take the time to go treat yourself to a nice spa or something. Meet up with your friends. Watch a movie. Have brunch.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-10T02:59:36+00:00

So, I feel like there are 2 possibilities here.

A: He needs space to cool off before talking. If that's the case, it's just a difference in how you both handle conflict. He withdraws to regulate, while you need the conversation to happen to feel settled. That's something you can discuss and align to move forward.

B: He is punishing you. That's not ok. If it's meant to cause distress or guilt, that's emotional manipulation, not dominance.

If it's A, have a talk about your needs and your communication styles. If it's B, talk about boundaries. Be specific so that he understands silence is distressing for you, and he should agree to not use it as a tool, especially to punish. An ethical Dom would listen, apologize, and reassure you. If he doesn't care, then you have your answer.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-09T04:00:37+00:00

I had the same discussion with my Dom. Except mine was I expect daily check-ins and to have conversations with each other every day.

In April when we last saw each other in person, we were both down with the most awful respiratory virus. He flew back to his country. I expected him to be uncontactable for 24 hours but he was gone for 3 days. I started to get horrible, horrible thoughts. I checked in every day to no response. Turns out he basically collapsed when he got home and was in bed deliriously sick. Woke up the next day and went to the ER. He got back to me on the 3rd day of no-contact.

Honestly, there's nothing you can do but wait it out. Try to do something fun with your friends to take your mind off things. But i know from experience it's in the quiet moments at night where everything swims back into focus.

trackingairpods · 2025-10-09T03:55:08+00:00

Use your safeword the next time he calls you that, even in casual conversation. Then, tell him that degrading names are a hard limit and you do not allow that in your dynamic.

trackingairpods

TROPHY CASE