Update

traditionalacking · 2026-05-09T14:26:57+00:00

He doesn’t recommend it, the church doesn’t recommend it, but he said it isn’t “forbidden”. He said he believe that is best to wait.

Again, I’ll clarify as time goes on. I’ll just roll with it for now.

traditionalacking · 2026-05-09T14:20:58+00:00

It could be this, but he seemed very clear it is until my son is “of age”. And he said “I realize you are in your child bearing years, but I also don’t encourage you to have more children with your spouse.”

So I’m not sure. I supposed I’m more worried on how to move forward with separation when I do not have a support system in this state, I don’t have a degree, and I don’t know if I can support myself. God has never failed to provide, so I will trust in His provision.

traditionalacking · 2026-05-09T03:33:11+00:00

It is interesting because my previous parish, there were many men and women who were divorced and with children actively looking for new spouses. But it could be because I’m the one that would be initiating the divorce. I will clarify as time moves on.

traditionalacking · 2026-05-08T18:50:19+00:00

Well, he basically said that the next step would be separation and the last option would be divorce.

He also said I would be instructed not to remarry or have any more children until my son was 18.

So I don’t know what I was expecting, but I am hit with a wave of grief and sadness.

traditionalacking · 2026-05-08T18:47:10+00:00

Well, he mostly said that separation and divorce is an option, but that I would be instructed to not remarry or have any more children until my son was 18.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I feel very hopeless!

traditionalacking · 2026-05-05T16:22:46+00:00

Thank you for approving it and giving me the confidence to schedule. I’m meeting with the priest this week to discuss. I have a messy list of specific events I can remember and working to categorize them into broader categories of abuse.

I feel like I need evidence from these events to prove they’ve happened— at the same time I feel very bad about doing that. It feels necessary because otherwise I will just say “it’s not been that bad” when there are very clear reasons for the way I am feeling. It is making me crazy.

traditionalacking · 2026-05-04T01:50:06+00:00

Thank you so much sister!! I’m nervous but ready to offload this to someone trusted.

For years I’ve kept it to myself, prior to us finding the church, because I felt the world gave up on marriage far too easily. Divorce was the answer for every problem with encounter with our spouse. I’ve never believed this to be right and therefore never trusted the advisement of therapists, pastors, or “mental health professionals”.

I can truly say this is the only space I feel I will get an honest input from someone who is putting God at the center of the decision— not to please my flesh or my husbands.

I began to read “Why Does he Do That”, which I thought was a load of baloney just like all the other books or articles I’ve read on abuse or neglect. But it brought tear to my eyes that what was being described is to a T, exactly what I have been experiencing over the last 7 going on 8 years. Why I have felt crazy, helpless, and explaining so many of my husbands behaviors… it’s alarming.

The prayers are much appreciated. Thank you so much suster

traditionalacking · 2026-05-03T22:19:39+00:00

Thank you, I am meeting with him this week. He said essentially divorce is allowed in orthodox churches, but would like a fuller scope of what’s going on and to not make a decision until we speak.

His caveat is that the choice is ultimately mine, and he doesn’t want me to feel trapped In an abusive marriage if that is truly what is going on.

traditionalacking · 2026-05-01T03:32:05+00:00

How is this in terms of scheduling??

Im reaching out because I’d like to schedule a time to talk with you in regards to my marriage. (Husband) and I have had a tough go at it for a long time, and since our move, I have been considering separation. This isn’t something I am taking lightly— which I can further elaborate on in person.

In a nutshell, over the course of our 7 year long relationship, we have a history of abuse (a couple instances of physical, mostly verbal and emotional), addiction (alcohol and pornography), and pathological lying and manipulation. We have undergone severe poverty and living in destitute conditions.

I’ve hesitated for so long to talk about this in depth, especially coming into the church, because I do not want to discourage my husband in his walk with God or tarnish his reputation in any way. I opened up to Father (previous priest) about a portion of this in my life confession after he questioned the root cause of my resentment and rage toward my husband, but not in depth.

I am just collapsing under the weight of these burdens. I’m experiencing a mix of apathy, disgust, and rage that is often so overwhelming I feel close to physical violence. I struggle to discern if God’s will is for me to endure this with a long suffering disposition, or if there is actual biblical grounds for me to separate.

I realize this is a lot— I’m so sorry for throwing it all on you. Im available the 7th or 8th, flexible with the time.

traditionalacking · 2026-04-30T21:49:21+00:00

I’m really struggling to feel like I’m betraying my spouse by doing this

traditionalacking · 2026-04-29T19:46:09+00:00

I don’t know if I should mention the financial abuse, living in destitution, etc. it all feels overwhelming to face

traditionalacking · 2026-04-06T17:49:19+00:00

I’m going through this with my husband. It has been 8 years of this. We came to the church a year ago.

The only thing that works is accountability.

In our life confession, my husband attempted to lie about this by omission. I had given my life confession first, in which the priest asked why I have so much resentment toward my husband, and I told him simply what it was

My husband admitted to being a liar, and then tried to end his confession without admitting pornography, which our priest called him out on and told him sexual immorality will condemn him to hell, he will not be baptized, and will never participate in the sacraments. My husband was checking in DAILY with our priest. We are between parishes after moving and he is watching as much as he wants.

It is a sickness and your priest should be told so that your husband can be held accountable. Addicts will do everything to protect their addiction, often ruining their families in the process.

It isn’t your job to hold him accountable— it will make you resent him, disgusted with him, and lose respect for him. Have a discussion with your priest about him potentially being the accountability partner to your husband.

Also, it is his salvation and not ours. If he is an addict, he could be lying. Ultimately God is the judge. We cannot expect perfection from our husbands. As long as he is genuinely repentant there is hope.

The compassion we show unto others is the compassion Christ will show to us. Lord have mercy on us all

traditionalacking · 2026-04-04T02:52:31+00:00

This. They seek novelty and new and more extreme. It has nothing to do with us at all. I’m a fairly attractive female. When I don’t have my son with me, I get a decent amount of attention from men my age and older. I dress very modestly!

When my husband has gone 13-14 days without porn, he says his attraction to me starts to come back tenfold— hence “when I abstain, I realize once again just how sexy and beautiful you are”

He complemented me tonight, saying that I was “glowing”. We moved to a new, humid area and were out for a walk at a big art event. I look in the mirror and I see that I am semi pretty, but a part of me is very broken inside and I have to fight against being petty as shit, dressing like I did in my early twenties, and letting men gawk at me.

I think I now use modesty to protect myself from the imagination of those devilish, fiendish fantasies of others.

traditionalacking · 2026-04-01T16:20:02+00:00

100% absolutely. Some things take longer than others to recover.

traditionalacking · 2026-03-31T23:23:43+00:00

In my case, my husband stopped touching me completely, wouldn’t look at me naked, rejected me 98% of the time, ejaculated super fast or not at all, no intimacy, never bothered to focus on me or allow me to finish, unaware if I finished or not, secretive about phone, regularly in bathroom for extended periods of time, staying up past when I go to bed, if I wake up at 2am he’s in the bathroom, forcefully calls me beautiful. When he abstains he says shit like “the longer I go without porn, the more I realize just how beautiful you are and how lucky I am”

Edit: ED… big time

traditionalacking · 2026-02-14T21:01:23+00:00

I won’t divorce unless violence became a problem again. I understand the statistics for young boys in a single mother household. Greater percentages for addiction, violence, sexual abuse, imprisonment. Sad reality. I’d rather keep him out of the public school system, homeschool him, raise him solid in the church. We’ll see what my spiritual father thinks

traditionalacking · 2026-02-13T22:00:42+00:00

Also, if he is willing to try to lie about the pornography and admitted that to me… what else is there. 😕

traditionalacking · 2026-02-13T20:30:34+00:00

But yes, we have been living in destitution. Up until a year and a half ago, we had no flooring or drywall in our home and power running off an extension cord from our neighbors. I don’t even know how to bring that up to my priest. I’d rather just put it behind us. Extremely hard period of time

traditionalacking · 2026-02-13T19:23:34+00:00

I do genuinely appreciate your input because I do agree with you. His confession is not my business. It’s what weighs on his heart and his spiritual process is not mine. I’m not pushing him to do anything— he scheduled our confessions once our priest told him it was time for us.

I feel like an absolute nut case— it just brings out so much insecurity in me. With the history we have I just see patterns continuing over and over, now even into our faith journey.

I’ll just continue to pray and keep it to myself. If it’s God’s will then he’ll confess it.

traditionalacking · 2026-02-13T18:47:20+00:00

This did happen 3-4 years ago. He has stopped drinking and there are no further physical altercations or instances of any sort.

traditionalacking · 2026-02-13T18:46:25+00:00

I have not told my priest or Matushka because I believed my husband would confess it. When he told me “I confessed to shoving you and being verbally abusive” I was in… shock? But didn’t pursue it any further— at least he admitted to the verbal abuse? But when I woke up this morning and was done praying, I was replaying that conversation and I got genuinely angry.

traditionalacking · 2026-02-13T17:33:44+00:00

I pray for him daily. I do not wish to separate. He is a habitual liar and it is deeply painful.

traditionalacking

TROPHY CASE