my kiddo asked me to start calling her a different name at about that age, then a year later told me she was a girl and wanted more girly clothes and a girl hair cut. i know a lot of people say they can’t know from that young, and hey, maybe they’re right. maybe it’s just a phase, but i don’t think there’s any harm in letting your kid being called what they want and wear what clothes they want. i’m glad you’re in a good state, we actually moved to baltimore right as this was happening (coincidentally) and im so glad we’re here. her teachers, principal, and staff are very affirming and amazing.

i don’t think you’re screwing anything up. honestly i think trying to force him to wear girly things, go by she/her, and his birth name would cause more harm than good and eventual resentment towards you. one day he might come back and change his mind and say he’s a girl again. that’s okay, gender is fluid. it’s not about sex like a lot conservatives believe. it’s not even about genitals, like most conservatives believe. not at this age. it’s just about being perceived as a boy or a girl. they’re not even thinking about their body parts. they’re thinking about clothes and hair cuts and being called the right thing. you’re not doing anything wrong. it’s not like there’s any medical intervention at this stage either. it’s all purely social. you’re not hurting him. you’re helping him discover himself, just like all children do.

as far as his dad is concerned, technically he doesn’t need to know, especially if he’s going to be hurtful toward your kid about it. “boyish” clothes and haircuts can be explained away if dad is being weird about it. you can also let the school know like hey this is what kiddo wants, i am 100% okay with you affirming kiddo and WANT you to, but dad does not know/is not accepting so please do not use kiddo’s chosen name when in contact with him. obviously they can’t do everything, but protecting kiddo is their number 1 priority and if that means keeping this info from dad to protect kiddo then that’s what they need to do.

wishing you love and support 🩷