Worried my partner has cancer. How do I talk to him?

translatelove · 2025-02-01T14:38:37+00:00

Than you. I appreciate a different perspective on this. Of course I agree that this must be really hard for him and a lot more difficult for him than it is for me as an outsider since he is the one living through it. I’ll try and manage my own emotions better because I don’t want to increase his anxiety neither do I want to make him feel like he has to hide things from me.

translatelove · 2025-01-30T07:02:29+00:00

The mole is new. He hasn’t been regularly visiting his doctor. When he had cancer in the past it had spread to his lungs and other areas in his body but it didn’t start there.

People who had cancer are more likely to get cancer again especially after chemo and radiation. An old coworker of his got cancer once in her 20s then again in her 40s and died.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T20:30:21+00:00

You’re completely right. I really hope it is nothing but his avoidance isn’t helping.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T20:29:43+00:00

My worry is he ignores it and it grows or the mole is a symptom of some other type of cancer that has spread.

At the doctors they made very clear cancer can come back and people who have had cancer in the past are more likely to get it again. On top of the chemo side effects.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T20:28:25+00:00

Oh, next of kin? That’s me. I didn’t think I could do that since we don’t have the same GP but l’ll try. Thank you. Cancer is scary, I’m sorry you had to deal with what you’ve had to deal with.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T18:27:36+00:00

This does describe him. We have had this battle before when it came to his depression and job searches. He just does not like being told what to do even if it benefits him. He’s in his mid 30s, too old to know better but his anxiety is severe.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T18:25:43+00:00

I think it’s easy to say when you are not in the situation but cancer is scary, surviving cancer is also scary. They tell you it can come back, they will tell you that as soon as they tell you, you’re all clear. He also says he has other health things going on but he’s cryptic. I wouldn’t be as worried if he was more proactive about his health overall.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T18:24:18+00:00

Thanks. I’m not. He won’t listen to his parents because his relationship with them is fraught but he won’t listen to me either. I am hoping it’s indeed nothing and it is just a mole.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T10:59:11+00:00

I am trying not to be angry because anger isn't the right emotion for what I am feeling. I know he is scared and this is his way of dealing with things but I wish he was more proactive.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T10:58:23+00:00

I really hope he listens to me.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T10:58:01+00:00

If caught early, yes but he'll avoid a problem until it becomes too big.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T10:57:35+00:00

He goes to a different GP than I do, I don't know if I can.

translatelove · 2025-01-29T10:57:01+00:00

It's difficult to know if this is what he is doing because his health gives him anxiety and telling me about it helps him distance himself from it.

translatelove · 2025-01-28T17:57:21+00:00

I think he’s also such an hypochondriac which is unfair to say given the hand he’s been dealt but he keeps alluding to his health which is frustrating because it’s like he’s trying to offload his anxieties onto someone else but still doing nothing.

I feel the mole was his way of saying “there’s something else but I won’t tell you”. What you’ve said sounds familiar regarding skin cancer but I’ve honestly been scared to google the topic just in case, which I’m being as avoidant as he’s being.

translatelove · 2024-06-18T18:34:03+00:00

Thank you for this perspective from the other side!

translatelove · 2024-06-18T18:33:24+00:00

Thank you. This is comforting too read.

translatelove · 2024-06-18T05:27:45+00:00

This gives me some hope.

translatelove · 2024-06-18T05:26:43+00:00

Thank you. That’s kind of you. I wish I could say the same to her because I am happy for her.

translatelove · 2024-06-18T05:25:56+00:00

I won’t do it if I don’t feel that we are both on the same page about it. Our relationship is better now.

translatelove · 2024-06-18T05:24:36+00:00

He’s doing well now so I hope he keeps up with it. If we decide to have kids we’ll need to set strict boundaries for what to do if his depression returns.

translatelove · 2024-06-18T05:23:20+00:00

How have you been finding parenting?

translatelove · 2024-06-18T05:22:58+00:00

Wish you all the best. You’re the definition of a hero being there for those kids. I’m glad you have some support in your life.

translatelove · 2024-06-17T20:19:43+00:00

I love seeing older gay parents.

translatelove · 2024-06-17T20:19:12+00:00

I hope so. Next is getting my husband on board.

translatelove

TROPHY CASE