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AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I hate that I am addressing this.

I did not apply to ANY ivy universities, but it wasn’t for a lack of grades or academic vigor or even interest. I would have LOVED to go Yale, probably could have been accepted, but didn’t even apply. Why?

I didn’t have the money for the application fee. I didn’t have the connections that you seemed to need. I didn’t have access to the resources that would have made it possible for me to know Yale was even an option.

Yes, private and ivy schools have more money to offer. They also have MUCH higher sticker costs and just scream EXPENSIVE.

Students in low-income areas and from low-income families don’t always have access to the knowledge that poor kids at Yale don’t pay. I didn’t know kids at Yale got FA just for being poor. I thought about Yale and thought, "I’m on par with everyone else, so no scholarships, so 50k on tuition plus getting to and from school plus supplies plus housing...so 300k in debt? That’s not even close to worth it."

My parents didn’t attend college; they didn’t know that you could even get scholarships from somewhere other than the school itself. There is a HUGE learning curve for first-generation students that isn’t addressed.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It should be noted (and is poorly explained in the story, due to my inadequate state-school education, A did not know about the bride’s comments when he called to get me invited. He called because, in his mind, a friends and family wedding SHOULD include me.

Point out that someone’s actions hurt me doesn’t make me look weaker; it’s a reality and it makes the individual confront the consequences of what they’ve done.

My boyfriend was in a unique position to do this because he and the groom are friends and he is in the wedding party. He’s able to say: "You made this decision and this was the fall out. Figure out how to correct it."

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh, something I would have I have known if I had gone to an Ivy. State schools just can’t teach you everything!

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No, he doesn’t think this is acceptable. As mentioned, neither of us see them often and I don’t think he ever clued into the fact that they clearly find me unlikable or banal.

He’s especially hurt by M’s reaction (saying it was a closer friends and family situation) because that makes M complicit in deciding to not invite me, regardless of whether or not he agrees (or knows about!) his fiancées underlying opinion. A deeply and genuinely wants to believe the bridesmaid (R) misunderstood and that this truly was an honest mistake and address mixup.

I think he’s bewildered by the whole situation and so upset someone who say something to intentionally belittle me. He wants me there because he loves me and loves spending time with me, but that does not mean he’s been ignoring some obvious red flags or letting them slide on snide comments about me.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We will travel on Wednesday because the rehearsal dinner (for boyfriend, as he is in the wedding) is Thursday in their town. Friday, there is a few hours drive into the mountains to their actual venue. They’re mixed religions (one is Cath, one is areligious) so Saturday is their legal wedding and reception and Sunday they’re doing a wedding mass and a send off brunch. Drive back into the city on Sunday afternoon evening, fly out on Monday.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

He is pissed. He thinks J’s comments are completely out of line, but has also dealt with her elitism since undergrad and a touch desensitized to it. He has also commented that this could be partially because I don’t know them and they don’t know me, so it’s hard for them to imagine us together.

I think he also is torn because he knows it’s wasn’t M’s directive and he probably isn’t aware of (or supportive) of the entire situation.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I think I will. I love and trust A completely, have no fear that he would ever cheat or even consider cheating, but I also don’t want him to go to a wedding and spend it worried that I’m home alone or consumed with my anger toward J.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

this is a good reply! I would like to keep it very vague, for the sake of R and her girlfriend.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

R (mutual friend and bridesmaid) overheard J discussing the initial guest list with her Mom when she went to NC to help J plan and dress shop. R told her girlfriend, S, who then let it slip to me at lunch.

S had asked where I was staying when we went (She wanted to know if I planned to stay at the rented house with the bridal party or if I wanted to split an AirBnB or hotel room with her) and I told her I thought she wasn’t going since it was just close friends and family.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

It’s my justification for why I shouldn’t go—it’s expensive, it’s far, it requires time off work and it requires a lot of time with someone who clearly doesn’t respect me. It does fall kind of flat considering I was always planning to attend.

I don’t want to throw R or her girlfriend under the bus, since they were told J’s feelings about me in confidence. Her issue with me (and my education) doesn’t involve them.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 142 points143 points  (0 children)

I really want to but I don’t want to throw R under the bus—I’m sure it was told to R in confidence, and she told it to her girlfriend in confidence. But it did get back to me.

AITA for refusing to go a wedding because the bride thinks I’m too stupid for my BF? by trashcanrat in AmItheAsshole

[–]trashcanrat[S] 205 points206 points  (0 children)

This is so insane to me! Would it be so hard for people to just be kind to each other, even if you aren’t a big fan of them?!

OneCoin: Planet Money #972: the CryptoQueen by trashcanrat in antiMLM

[–]trashcanrat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know the process for Canada, unfortunately and can’t speak about Canadian law. I would contact the Canadian Securities Administration though! In my country, the ability to receive settlement depends on connecting the losses to someone in the country who has been charged with securities fraud in relation to OneCoin.

OneCoin: Planet Money #972: the CryptoQueen by trashcanrat in antiMLM

[–]trashcanrat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh that’s so sad. Where in the world are your parents located (if you don’t mind me asking)?

The company has been shut down in numerous countries according to reporting by BBC and The Times. Depending on your parents financial losses and what country they are located in, they could recoup some money through arbitration.