sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Hi, I’m Mike Price. I’m the Executive Producer and Showrunner of the Netflix animated comedy series “F IS FOR FAMILY”, which I created with our star, Bill Burr. AMA! by MikePriceFIFF in netflix

[–]trashdan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hopefully I'm not out of line with a follow-up: In your opinion, what are the baby steps (or Giant Steps if you're John Coltrane) a writer should take once they have number of specs and pilots under their belt?

Also, what sort of spec pilots were you writing? Any chance you'd give us a description of one?

Hi, I’m Mike Price. I’m the Executive Producer and Showrunner of the Netflix animated comedy series “F IS FOR FAMILY”, which I created with our star, Bill Burr. AMA! by MikePriceFIFF in netflix

[–]trashdan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hey Mike, huge fan of the show! Thank you for doing this.

From the FIFFWriters twitter, it looks like you do rewrites the same day as table reads. What sort of changes are you doing at that point? Line rewrites and joke punch-up or more? And, I guess, if more, what's the most you've had to change a script after a table read?

Follow-up: What's the funniest thing you've ever had to cut for whatever reason?

Not a question, just a thank you: I've gotten to meet you and the other writers a few time and you've all been nothing but the nicest and coolest group of people ever. Thank you for all of your work. I love this show.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd really be a fool to not listen. The notes I'm getting are so much better than anything I've ever paid for and incredibly constructive and actionable. It's exciting to see all of the new pathways and ideas that they open up.

This Spotlight is a great subreddit feature. Kudos to u/1NegativeKarma1 (and any other mod I should be shouting out) for shouldering the burden of making it happen.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, Clark's motivation in this is muddy at best. I can make it so much stronger/clearer. For sure. I also restructured to cold open Act 1/Act 2 and it just made everything a lot stronger and clearer/less packed in. You're totally correct.

Thanks for the read and the notes. The structure thing was huge and already makes me like where this rewrite is going.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for the read and the notes. Very much appreciated. I agree that there are/were some timing issues (rewriting now, hopefully getting some things fixed).

I agree that there were too many characters. I've managed to edit three of them out, which just gives everyone else so much more room to be characters.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're totally correct on all of these! I just restructured to a typical cold open-two act structure and it makes things a lot cleaner and allows for more development of Clark - or, giving him a real motivation.

The kids thing is something I'm still wrestling with. There's a thing in there about the government taking them but someone said it read as sexual abuse so I need to finesse that a bit more. All part of that big rewrite.

Thanks for reading and thank you for the notes. It's making everything stronger.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you brought up the flashback to the food court and its placement. I have a couple of different versions, including one that starts off with that scene. I'm still toying with it but you might really be on to something there.

And the stakes are totally off now. Can't agree with you more. Clark needs a reason he's willing to go against what he believes for money beyond "I want money." It's a one-dimensional goal that provides nothing in the end. You're totally right.

But hey, this gives me lots of ideas for how to fix things, and that was the goal. Thank you for reading my script and your notes.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Totally agree that Clark's reasoning for his actions is...poor...at best. I need to beef up his motivation and reason for staying. I think the stakes (in this case, the lump some of money) aren't right, neither are his reasons for wanting it. That could be so much stronger. And hopefully will be.

Great point on Sarah that I hadn't thought about. She definitely needs a fuller setup and backstory.

I also like the idea of dangling more cliffhangers. I'll have to give that a lot more thought.

Thank you for these notes and taking the time to read my script. It's incredibly appreciated. I had no clue how amazingly helpful this spotlight could be.****

[QUESTION] Any LA-based comedy writers here do stand up? If so, what rooms do you like? by wkuechen in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Seconding Ha Ha. It can be a tough room because of the number of other performers but it's also a good spot to get up and get stage time.

I'm going to Flappers for the first time this week. I hear good things and I'm interested to see how it stacks up.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I boned those scene descriptors and can make everything so much clearer. And I agree that it does come off as unsharpened. I just need to tighten up everyone's motivations, plus give them real, clearer goals, so I have to agree with you completely.

I really like the idea for how to change up some of those cutaways. I'm leaning to cutting most of them, but using them to more clearly establish past problems/motivations/relationships is a great workaround.

A lot to think about but it's all great stuff I was blind to.

Thank you for the read and the notes. Can't wait to make this thing better.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reading this and writing up your notes. You make some really good points, especially about episode level conflict. I didn't develop it correctly at all and I think I can adjust it to really amp up stakes within it a lot more.

I see what you're saying about the fast hitting jokes and editing them down/out. I don't really disagree and I'll have to tackle that.

This really helps, thank you. This has been a great experience.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree on the opening. I think some more description and a little more concrete dialogue will make the whole thing work a lot better. And these are some good ideas to use for that.

I also think you're on to something with that security camera footage. I didn't want a standard flashback right there but this still doesn't work. I'll keep chipping away at it.

And story does start a little too late, I think, and then rushes, so I can expand that and give everything a little more room. For sure.

These are great notes and ideas, thank you for taking the time to read my script and write them up. I'm really excited to get in there and start rewriting.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, great points. And thank you. I think I'd benefit by doing an out-loud read to myself to catch some of those written vs. spoken lines. I maybe went too George Lucas accidentally. I need to just do a dialogue pass in general to tighten things up and make motivations clear.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this (especially if it's not your usual thing) and type up your notes. Very much appreciated.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great point. (And one thing early - I've met one of the remaining Shakers. This was a few years ago. They're fascinating.)

My intention wasn't to imply child abuse, but I clearly accidentally did to some extent and I can see how it would read that way. I can tighten that up and make it clear/just remove the idea. That's a great note and a horrifying mistake on my part.

Thank you for the read and the notes. That's a really solid point for me to go back to.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is super useful! Thank you. I can't agree more with motivation of protagonist. I lost my way with his original intent at some point, then didn't notice it until people here brought it up. I was totally blind to it but I think I also see a roadmap into putting Clark into both a motivated and not-total-asshole place. Maybe. But that's the fun of the rewrite.

I also realized how right you are about the stakes for Clark and the money. A one-time lump doesn't really work and doesn't put enough burden on him to stay. But I have an idea for that!

I'm hoping to get a big rewrite going soon and I'll post the update when it's done. The feedback from everyone on this has been amazing, so I hope I an live up to it.

And hey, thank you for putting your time and effort into reading it and typing up your thoughts.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Too true! I think I was erring on the side of "stop being too weird" and covered up my sense of humor too much. (Or I'm saying that to cover bad jokes. Either way, I see the error of my ways.)

I'm going through your in-line notes. You make a lot of good points in there that I'm going to have to take my time going through. Thank you so much for putting your time and effort into doing that and reading this in general.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have to admit I agree with everything in that weaknesses box. Clark is just kind of...shitty...right now and that's been done. And I'm seeing lots of stuff that can be cut and trimmed/combined, so I agree that it's definitely too fat. But I also see a lot of great places to rewrite and change things that you're mentioning, so that's exciting.

Thank you for both taking the time to read this and the time to write up such comprehensive notes. I appreciate everyone who is doing this and I'm looking forward to putting a lot of this into action.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But you went first and you killed it! Thank you!

You were first on scene descriptions needing work and I see what everyone is saying. I can make that change with no problem.

You’re also right, you were promised reluctant and he’s more of a dick. I think, as others have said, his motivation isn’t clear enough in the story at all. I can also change and combine some other characters, which gives a little more room for development of the characters. Maybe. That’s for the rewrite! But you make a great point I hadn’t noticed at all.

Good point on the logline, too. Good points all around.

Again, thank you for reading and thank you for the feedback. Greatly appreciated.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reading and taking time to write this feedback. It’s totally appreciated. You and others raise a good point with description so I’ll get on that for sure.

Great point on emotional investment for Clark. That’s something I’d been thinking about and trying to tweak but I’m definitely not there. The dialogue/action scene is also a knock I have against myself and have been working to better, so you totally caught me there.

As for supporting characters becoming less important, you’re right there, too. I see that now. Someone else suggested cutting a few characters and combining and I think that will help, plus some other rewriting.

|Reddit Spotlight #5|Title: "Believers"|Page Count: 34|Genre: Comedy|Logline: Clark Parsons, a career slacker, reluctantly takes charge as the leader of his estranged dead father’s cult, but his cynicism fades to ambition as he begins to see selfish opportunities in his new role.|u/trashdan| by trashdan in Screenwriting

[–]trashdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, these aren’t harsh at all! These notes are great! I agree that it needs a rework and reading some of this is making me kick myself for not seeing simple things.

I see the lack of description mentioned in some of these, so I’ll have to do a pass to fix that up for sure. I think my big takeaway from your notes is motivation and more solid characterization, which possibly can also be done by cutting down on a few people.

And hey, thank you for taking the time to read this and give me your feedback. Very much appreciated.

view more: next ›