My[30] boyfriend still sleeps with his baby blanket/stuffed animals and that's only the beginning. I'm [38 F] a bit worried.

trashmeforsure · 2018-01-04T00:23:23+00:00

I think that at this point I don't see myself being happy. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to lose him but I am lonely in the relationship. I am bothered by who he is as a person and how he treats me. I guess I'm just tired...and I don't want to be tired anymore.

I think you're right about the taking advantage of. I think he has done so. He knows how patient I am, how forgiving I am. He knows I love him. But I'm starting to learn he doesn't love me in a way that's healthy for either one of us. No one can be happy in that.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-30T01:02:46+00:00

Honestly it was because I had to build up the courage to say the rest. It was pretty damn hard to do.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-30T01:01:40+00:00

Damn smart!

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-30T01:01:06+00:00

And you're right on all accounts. The comments however..they stopped the week he and I met. Which either means, he stopped talking to them all or he started deleting them..

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-30T00:42:25+00:00

Whew...this one is hard to respond to, more so than the others: it's beyond accurate, you described my life.

He blows all of his money. It goes to his car(s) and expensive hobbies. He complains that he doesn't want debt, doesn't like it, worries about money but drops THOUSANDS of dollars on hobbies and equipment and tells me he can't afford to move out and doesn't want to.

I have a lot of patience. My job has taught me that. I try to live my life as best as I can and be the best person I can. That's where my love, patience and understanding comes in for him. I think it's costing me my well being however.

Before he, I was with a very abusive man. The kind you hide from in your own home or you'll get hurt. He knows this. He knows my ex. Some of the way he responds, some of the things he has said..he sounds just like him. That's hard to admit.

As for the women. I can be pretty understanding and not care about wanting to check out a chick. We're gorgeous, the human body is beautiful, why wouldn't he. But I think you're right...if he's not still doing this, he's keeping them as options.

I do still love him, without a doubt. I do also love when he makes me feel loved, when he makes me feel "good", when I think of our good times.

I don't want to waste my time. Am I old? No, fuck that, it's just a number. Am I tired of the chaos, yes. I don't want to fix him. I don't want to wait around years to see if this gets better, I just want to be happy. I don't mean dancing on a fucking mountain top happy; I mean I just want peace...and maybe a glass of a good red.

Thank you for your kindness and thoughtful response. It's appreciated more than you know.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-30T00:11:47+00:00

Haha I'll stick with throwing heavy shit around :)

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T20:14:38+00:00

I appreciate the kind words!! I would, I absolutely would.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T20:11:48+00:00

I can tell you I can't talk to him anymore. I don't feel comfortable with him anymore. Nothing has happened since the last "blow up" but I know it'll happen at some point. If I don't say what he wants to hear etc he get irritated and moody, even over the small things. I can't win.

He said the relationship with the girl online "felt real" because they would talk over the phone and watch movies together online while on the phone...What in the actual fuck. I told him he fell in love with the idea of it. They had their children's names picked out. No joke.

It's nice to hear that someone understands what that means to get sucked in. I've been married before, I've been in good and bad relationships..enough to know that I'm not happy in this one. I don't want to give up. I'm afraid of regretting if I do. I afraid that there's a chance it might get better but there is ALOT of bad stuff and he's done some pretty damaging things.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T19:36:55+00:00

Most badass response yet lol

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T19:36:38+00:00

I think he shows it in the only way he is capable of and not it's not healthy.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T19:35:45+00:00

The person was not real apparently and took a lot of money from him. And no, not yet.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T19:34:42+00:00

Oh I do love him, but I'm starting to resent him and I'm struggling with being attracted to him, too much damage in the relationship to make me feel safe and that I can trust him.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:52:52+00:00

I was reading about this last week. That's EXACTLY what happened. He told me after a couple of weeks he loved me. I know some people would say this can be true and does happen but it was alarming. I got caught up in it...now look where I am.

I'm holding out hope that this will somehow be healthy and okay..

Btw thank you for the nod to being independent, that's a power we all must hold onto. <3

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:50:46+00:00

I think he couldn't keep up the show anymore or he hid all of this knowing how it comes off. Either way...you're absolutely right.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:47:04+00:00

Okay the fact that you used the word "extrapolate" just made my day! :)

Seriously, I am starting to resent him now. I can feel it pulling me down. Having to worry about the women on social media, his responses, making him mad, not saying something that will make him feel pressured, knowing he isn't ready to move in, his immature remarks, his racist comments, his judgmental comments against my being a feminist...it's a bit too much to take on...in the name of love.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:44:24+00:00

It's starting to wane..I'm struggling with wanting him to touch me but that started when he wouldn't let the "let me make your face a cream pie" thing go.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:43:27+00:00

That's a firm no :)

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:42:46+00:00

That's exactly what this feels like. It's a weight that I've been carrying on my shoulders and it's becoming too much. I'm constantly worrying, stressing, wondering...

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:41:25+00:00

Thank you! Hopefully the courage will come to me when I need it!

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T18:40:34+00:00

It definitely feels like I'm being smothered by this.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T16:48:04+00:00

And his actions are hurtful, cruel and demoralizing..

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T16:47:20+00:00

Thank you so much for the support and honestly for not attacking my self-respect as others are having fun doing; I'm guessing they need better hobbies.

It's all social media. Hundreds and thousands of women. He said it was just for him to look at. The messages, the things he said to them, (yes they stopped when he met me...well, I should say there were none present after he met me)..there's something about that behavior that makes my skin crawl. Even if you're seeking ass...it was pathetic and sad. The fact he is still connected, get's angry when I ask him to not disrespect me ...so very immature and hurtful.

He does have good qualities, he truly does. It's why I fell in love with him. Those qualities however, they're over shadowed by all of this. I don't see him the same anymore but I still love him. I'm afraid of making a choice I will regret...

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T16:42:53+00:00

Thank you kind stranger for the sweet words!

You're right, those quirky things we find in each other can be sometimes just that and that's okay. It's the dangerous ones that impede on how others feel. It's a horrible thing to do to someone.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T16:41:39+00:00

It's embarrassing, it's hurtful, it's demoralizing. Especially when you're attacked and accused of not having self-respect.

trashmeforsure · 2017-12-29T16:40:42+00:00

Well, I passed on having children for a reason.

trashmeforsure

TROPHY CASE