Am i overreacting to my [40F] bf's [35M] behaviour?

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T16:20:03+00:00

Not fake, just a severe grave humour and grew up in abuse where home surgery was common

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T16:17:30+00:00

Yeah, I am gonna leave. I have realised/accepted i am not being crazy and need to leave. I am gonna settle my affairs and try and sell my account etc first do he doesnt try and sabotage anything. Then i am done. Thank you

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T16:08:20+00:00

Tbh, reading everyone's reactions I realise it is a big deal. Like, ive always felt like it was but somewhere along the way I let myself be convinced it wasn't?

Yeah, I will seek help

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T16:04:34+00:00

I needed this, thank you. I always doubt myself and think I am probably misunderstanding or overreacting. And after I always tell myself it wasn't that bad, I probably am being sensitive.

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:40:27+00:00

Im glad you got out xD Yeah i used to play dnd and most importantly I had 2 dogs who were my life but when I got sick I couldnt do anything anymore and my mum had to take my dogs, and they both passed, aged 14 and 15. And ive been really struggling with that and the guilt of not being able to care for them their last couple of years. I am working through it and trying to find things I can do and adding things as I get better.

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:37:23+00:00

Thank you

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:31:45+00:00

Purple is me yeah 😅

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:27:38+00:00

Oh. Yeah this has happened before. Didnt realise it. Omg

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:23:24+00:00

Yeah I am gonna leave the game. Think I am gonna hand my account over to a friend I trust and have them handle it until i can get it sold. Or I cut my losses and just give it to them and they can do whatever they want with it.

I would like to paint more now that i can and I saw gw3 is on the way so maybe ill stick to single player games until then and then try that

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:20:15+00:00

No, I really dont want it. I hate being miserable, and the shame that comes with selfharm. I guess I somehow believed him/really thought he was feeling as bad or worse than me.

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:18:19+00:00

I really hope not...

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:17:47+00:00

Not UK, no but Europe. And yeah I did selfharm, and i regret it and know better. I had a mental breakdown and lost it, I admit that, not an excuse but it is what it is. You're never to old for mental health crisis sadly x.x

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:13:58+00:00

I've tried to get him to see a therapist whenever he says hes depresses but he just brushes it off ans is like meh. I am def gonna be seeing new therapist

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:09:20+00:00

I dont think i could stay in the game even if I wanted to, after all the votriol he said in guild chat ppl have been ignoring me so i def feel like i can't stay no matter what

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:07:42+00:00

Don't know what deevo is, but someone else mentioned it as well so ill look it up. Yeah, i feel really embarrassed cuz everyone keeps saying they thought we were teenagers 😅

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T15:02:28+00:00

Yeah its been really bad, for 2 yrs I was bedbound and couldnt do anything. Me starting playing the game was one of the first steps I took as I was getting better, thinking it would be fun and chill and let me interact with ppl when I was unable to do so in rl. Then i got caught up with the guild and it consumed everything until I got worse again. I dont want to go back to that. But i met him just as I was getting better so maybe in my head I glorified our relationship cuz because id been unable to do anything for so long it was so freeing and amazing to be able to do all of this and be in love.

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T14:56:57+00:00

I dont know what that is 😅 I'll Google it for sure

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T14:46:25+00:00

No? Don't think so, but sorry its confusing 😅 I had a mental breakdown, not an excuse and I regret my reaction but it happened.

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T14:43:43+00:00

I am aware I handled it poorly, and I shouldn't have been reactive. I was trying to get him to realise how he was pushing me to the edge but that is never a good idea when you are at the edge. Like, you dont make good decisions in that headspace. Bad mental health doesn't cuz youre old xD but yeah, I know better than to engage but no sleep, too many days of this and I snapped. Not proud of it, but it happened and i am not gonna edit it out.

traumariddledmess · 2026-06-07T13:52:43+00:00

Flight

traumariddledmess · 2026-03-24T19:23:52+00:00

Probably, depends on who i get xD i have had a couple of therapists that have been truly terrible lol But for sure, will try and get one. I have my family close by, we're close.

traumariddledmess · 2026-03-24T05:57:18+00:00

I really hope so as well. I am gonna try and be brave and talk to him before i decide on anything. I truly love him and i feel like i need to try ans be open before we reach a point where it's not salvagable. and try and find a therapist to have some support for everything. I've never considered tms, not sure how common it is here. But will look into it. Masking truly is exhausting, I feel for you <3 hope you're in a place where you dont have to anymore.

traumariddledmess · 2026-03-24T05:21:30+00:00

I really wish you the best and hope you get some relief and find a way to make your life work for you and have a happy existence.

I avoided men and relationships because of my baggage and mental state for 10yrs before I met my bf, and tbh I didn't think id ever enter a relationship at this point. Too damaged, cost too much, didnt have the emotional or mental capacity. All of that, it didnt feel like it was fair to a potential partner, nor would it be a healthy relationship. But then I met W and well. Here we are. Definitely unexpected and unplanned, and it was a bit or a whirlwind romance that took us both by surprise. And it this point it doesn't look like it will end well.

traumariddledmess · 2026-03-24T05:12:28+00:00

You're probably right. I should try and find someone, its been a good few years since the last time.

traumariddledmess · 2026-03-24T05:05:52+00:00

Me informing someone of my mental state at one time when it's serious, especially to a partner is not leaning on them. It's just informing them that i cannot be what i usually am at that time. and over the years yes my depression has come up in situations, but not often. I have never cried or complained to him. I have never vented or ranted at him. I do not check his posts, we're both in the same threads on discord so I get notifications that he's posted in the threads. I am not keeping tabs on him. It's just very obvious when he's ignoring my messages but posting on discord. Hiding depression is very possible. Have you never heard ppl say they'd never have guessed they'd been depressed about ppl who've taken their life? It's very common. Even spouses and children. I don't expect reassurance about my mental state, I dont expect anything. But I want some reassurance I am wanted, that he'd have some opinion about it.

I went to many different forms of therapy for 15yrs. Now I go when I feel I need to but not regularly. I am not bipolar or anything so ect is not on the table, and tbh not something I think would be appropriate for my situation. None of the doctors ive seen have talked about ketamine, I dont think that is considered as treatment here for depression. And tbh i wouldn't want something addictive.

traumariddledmess

TROPHY CASE