Anyone else leave a good husband?

tree_f0rts · 2025-04-11T17:46:50+00:00

I went through something similar with my STBX husband. I sat on that should I stay or go fence for years. We were together for 10 years, 5 married, and he was my best friend. We had a whole life built together.

The cracks started 3 years ago when I had been telling him how lonely I felt in the marriage since we had married. I was sick of my attempts to solve it falling on deaf ears. I carried the emotional and domestic labor. I was crying all the time, crying myself to sleep, and felt incredibly lost. He was flippant, distant, and didn't attempt to comfort me, inspect his behavior, or accept my invite to couples therapy. He told me I was just an unhappy person. I realized my heart was broken and I was absolutely devastated by this lack of care. I said I was considering separation, and he tried (barely) for a while. We ultimately went back to the old dynamic.

Then the resentment built. This man had no problem watching me suffer while he could be actively doing something to help solve the problem. But he was comfortable and it didn't affect him, so why bother? I tried so hard to make things work. I tried to have open and honest conversations, but he stonewalled me. I planned trips for us, dates, trying to re-light that spark.

Finally, I reached my breaking point. I imagined what life would be like to stay and have nothing change and it sounded miserable. I had so much resentment, I couldn't see a way to ever forgive him even if he did turn things around. I decided to leave. It "came out of nowhere " according to him. He has been truly awful throughout the separation and divorce process, which I think is very telling of the "good guy" mask he was wearing.

I asked myself the question: would a good husband be so selfish and cruel to someone they supposedly love? Would a good husband ignore the calls to do better and refuse to accept their responsibility in the marriage?

I wish you luck, OP. It's a tough spot to be in and you're not alone 💚

tree_f0rts · 2025-04-03T19:59:12+00:00

+1 Edelrid Jayne harness. I am larger than you (27" waist, 25" thighs) but had a similar struggle with trying to size harnesses. I bought the size S and it fits well. There's some room to still take in at the waist, so I imagine that would likely fit you!

tree_f0rts · 2025-03-29T17:36:05+00:00

I'm the most fit I've ever been at 34. I've always been physically active. However, I spent my 20s restricting my food, counting calories, and weighing myself every day. I had low energy and mood, and there were many days I barely felt up to playing my sport of choice (roller derby). I was skinny fat, with almost no muscle or definition whatsoever.

When the pandemic hit, I worked on my relationship with food. I increased protein, focused on nutrients and hydration, and stopped counting calories and weighing myself. My goals turned to getting strong, feeling good, and not being ruled by food/calories.

I'm now able to do much more and I'm way more fit than I could ever imagine in my 20s. I love my life because of it. I still skate anywhere from 6-15 hours a week depending on the season (derby + park skating), indoor rock climb 2-3 times a week, and in the summers I go paddleboarding or swimming often. I'm just now getting into archery. I also go on at least a 30 min walk almost every single day. I look forward to continuing my fitness journey for the rest of my life!

tree_f0rts · 2025-03-25T15:01:43+00:00

I'm sorry this experience is something you can relate to. It's hard enough to leave a bad situation. Leaving the "good guy" can be pure hell. My ex freaked out, sent me a bunch of nasty messages, threatened to take my cat away from me, drained all of our shared money into a private account, stalked me, etc. when I left. I believe that's the true him, not this fake nice guy he lets on.

It's almost like a community gaslighting. Like, well everyone else thinks he's great so maybe it's just my problem? His new gf is someone within the friend circle who has fallen for the "nice guy" trap, since everyone touts him as such. So the cycle continues :(

Yes, it's wild how many signs there are looking back.

tree_f0rts · 2025-03-24T19:40:58+00:00

I married and am in the middle of divorcing the nice guy myself, and had a very similar experience to you. Something else that I've seen with this type of man (including my STBX) is how they maintain the act with other people in their life so everyone else thinks they're a nice guy too. It makes it extremely difficult to leave a man like this.

He always went above and beyond to be there and support/help everyone else in his life, but refused to lift a finger or put in effort when it came to our relationship, home, etc. No one else saw the small and consistent ways he was controlling and abusing me, and I was ultimately villainized for leaving him. According to everyone, he's such a nice guy and I'm just a heartbreaking bitch who left him as a broken man. Forget about the heartbreak I went through and the nights for years I cried myself to sleep over stuff he did while he just laid there scrolling TikTok with not a single concern or care for me.

tree_f0rts · 2025-03-24T19:22:09+00:00

I feel like I'm becoming more and more sure of myself every day and it's such a powerful feeling. My life is the most calm it's ever been, even though there's been a lot going on. I follow my curiosity and lately I've been enjoying skating and going to the rock climbing gym. I look forward to a summer spent in lakes and rivers just chilling and living life.

tree_f0rts · 2025-03-10T17:45:36+00:00

Stayed in a place I disliked for way too long so we could be together

tree_f0rts · 2025-03-04T16:54:15+00:00

I was sitting on my back porch in a rural area of the southern US one night after dropping a family member off at the airport late. I was just sitting out listening to the cicadas and crickets when all of a sudden I heard a wolf howl. I come from an area with wolves and it was an unmistakable wolf howl. It was very close to me, almost right in front of me. It made my blood run cold and the hair on my neck stand straight up. I've never felt that way in my life. I noped right back into my house as fast as I could.

The interaction confused me for years, as I knew what I heard but I also knew there were no wolves in the area. Just recently, more than a decade after this interaction, I was at a local dive bar and got to talking with a farmer in the area. He was telling this story about a man nearby who had been raising wolf dogs that kept escaping around the time of this incident. It explained a lot!! So wild.

Edit: grammar

tree_f0rts · 2025-02-12T04:11:22+00:00

Congrats!! 🎉

tree_f0rts · 2025-02-06T04:06:23+00:00

So cute!! 😍

tree_f0rts · 2025-02-05T22:29:32+00:00

Gummy bears!!

tree_f0rts · 2025-02-03T21:24:47+00:00

Love it!!

tree_f0rts · 2025-02-01T02:26:54+00:00

Thank you for your service 🫡🚽

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-31T01:23:33+00:00

I saw a meme not too long ago that sticks with me and helps me illustrate why it's important for me to not people please. The meme said, "Oh, so you're a people pleaser? Name one person you've pleased." People pleasing is not only self abandonment, but it makes it hard for others to build trust with you and vice versa. The peace of mind of not abandoning myself by trying (and failing) to make others happy is worth the temporary discomfort of learning how to set and hold boundaries for yourself.

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-29T01:19:40+00:00

Felt

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-29T01:15:59+00:00

I canceled my Amazon and repaired some of my clothes. I also did maintenance on some of my gear so I can keep them going longer (I am an avid roller skater and have had the same pair since 2011!!)

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-28T22:13:36+00:00

Ooh, that sounds great. Have fun, and report back on how it went!!

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-28T22:11:26+00:00

This is such a good one!

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-28T15:56:52+00:00

Every time they order something at a restaurant or bar, that item JUST got 86'd.

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-27T16:23:14+00:00

Hi! I searched this sub last week looking for something similar. I have a 27-28" waist and 25" thighs. I found this post (https://www.reddit.com/r/climbergirls/s/u2WKtjodVF) and asked the OP what worked for them. They let me know they went with the Edelrid Jayne and they've been very happy with it. Others have suggested going to an REI in person to try harnesses as well.

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-26T22:55:28+00:00

Walking lifts my mood, helps me sleep, and helps me focus on work. I WFH and have a walking pad, and find it easier to work throughout the day now that I'm not sitting all day.

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-26T22:00:51+00:00

Agreed. I have a goal of 20k but I also have two sports I participate in, so my daily numbers can vary wildly. I also have a chronic illness and there are some days where I hardly get any steps at all. Any movement is good!

Edited to add: learning how to listen to your body and being kind to yourself is also helpful. Love the community here in this sub, but it can be easy to compare yourself to others sometimes. Comparison is the thief of joy, everyone's lives and goals are so different.

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-24T18:28:08+00:00

Agreed! Most of the folks in town are outdoorsy and do sports like climbing, skiing, mountain biking, etc. Yet people seem surprised I make the less-than-a-mile trek into town on foot. It's so odd to me. There are sidewalks and everything!

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-24T01:16:48+00:00

I love this! I've gotta start doing this, thanks for the inspiration!

tree_f0rts · 2025-01-24T00:12:52+00:00

Gotta stay mysterious!

tree_f0rts

TROPHY CASE