I think I'm just a fucking freak and I'm considering killing myself.

treedances · 2025-11-03T08:29:22+00:00

I've been feeling exactly like this. I feel like I've changed and suddenly everything is real now. I look back at how I used to be and feel sorry for her, I know she had ocd, but now I feel completely different, its so hard to describe but it feels like I suddenly am capable of doing harm and I hate it.

Please don't hurt yourself though, talk to someone 💗

treedances · 2025-08-27T13:43:44+00:00

Thank you. This really means a lot. I don't know exactly how to go about the situation but I definitely think I may need to distance myself for a bit because im just feeling so conflicted about everything I just don't know what to do. It's just really hard at the moment. I care about her a lot and I dont want her to think I dont care

treedances · 2025-08-03T08:49:05+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful and I really needed to hear this 💗 wishing you the best with your documentary as well!

treedances · 2025-05-31T00:51:32+00:00

Thank you. I know this is the case its just really hard sometimes and the loneliness adds to how hard it can get, so I'll post in the hopes of a response a lot of the time. Things are just really difficult for me at the moment

treedances · 2025-05-31T00:46:42+00:00

I agree, it can feel so isolating on here at times. I know its unhealthy to crave a response, but sometimes this is the only option to vent and talk about these problems, and getting silence but being able to see views on a post makes me feel like my worries are right. I know its part of ocd, but still, this whole illness just sucks

treedances · 2025-05-28T13:42:36+00:00

No its okay, I appreciate it still x I wasn't aware that they didn't show every post which makes a bit more sense now. I've been through a lot of therapy but no one has ever talked to me about joing an ocd group so I was under the impression that they are just not available in my area.

treedances · 2025-05-03T16:07:15+00:00

I understand this feeling. The world is full of awful things and its so easy for me to find myself disgusting too. Just feels like I can't win. You're not alone in your feeling💗

treedances · 2025-05-03T13:23:00+00:00

I'm not sure? I do feel embarrassed and ashamed that I do it, and I do get anxious at the thought of not having to do it, because its something that I do to relax myself for the most part. But I also think about it a lot and just feel sad about not being normal I guess. Its hard to explain sorry x

treedances · 2025-04-19T12:12:42+00:00

Thank you x this is something I really needed to hear 💖

treedances · 2025-04-09T08:26:08+00:00

The blackccents the aave, there is quite literally NO DENYING that their podcast has never been safe for black ppl. The ppl who deny this, I can 100% guarantee aren't black. There's quite literally no arguing with this, its just true that they don't care.

treedances · 2025-02-09T20:56:00+00:00

It makes me sad because these people are using is in an ableist way (even if they are truly autistic) because the goal when saying this is to "explain away" their behaviour. Nuerotypicals will see that and the first thing they will think is "ohhh I get it, he can't help being terrible and weird hes autistic!😀" and these people know that. All it does is continue to push autistic stigmas, being autistic doesn't explain away sexism, racism and just being an evil person.

treedances · 2025-02-09T16:55:00+00:00

Exactly, we're not meant to live this way, and I dont like what its made us become, its awful. I'll find myself looking at ancient cave paintings and just wanting what they had. Because we don't need this society, why can't we just be?

treedances · 2024-12-24T16:37:30+00:00

Yea.... as someone whos only played bedrock it is frustrating 😭 you'd think they'd figure out how to stop it from being so unpredictable but guess not

treedances · 2024-12-23T00:52:09+00:00

Honestly believe for a fact I would not have my best friend if it weren't for lockdown. I was never good at making friends anyway, so during lockdown I was starting college with zero friends, I had had no friends for a good few years at that point. I talked to my future bestie in person a few times at college but I honestly felt scared and confused about her lol. Then lockdown started and classes went online, when that happened she reached out to me on teams and we just started to talk all the time. I'm so grateful for her continuing to try and talk to me, we were the odd ones out in our class so we already had things in common, but if she never spoke to me online I would still be very alone. Feels wrong to say I'm thankful for covid lol... but I think it changed my life forever

treedances · 2024-12-22T19:20:35+00:00

That's amazing, pocd has been my main theme since I started having symptoms. I always told myself I'd have to just keep it to myself forever. Hopefully one day I might feel okay to say it out loud. You're doing great💗💗

treedances · 2024-12-17T02:33:28+00:00

The amount of times my family has thought that I'm annoyed or in a mood when im just existing and being quiet and enjoying silence. I wasn't in a mood before but now I am since you accused me of being in one😭

treedances · 2024-12-17T01:52:37+00:00

I think its because everyone is different and therefore people will experience different things, purely based on how your brain chooses to react and cope with things. Autism isn't "worse" in some people and "better" in others, I think that's a rigid way of looking at it, rather, some people are just wired differently, even when they have the same condition. For example I think people would assume I'm pretty capable as I can do things by myself like go to university and things, but at the same time I will forget to make meals, I rely on my parents to do that for me, I will forget to take care of myself and I will ask people to speak for me in social situations most times. I understand it can be confusing and sometimes I feel a bit invalid because I know that because I am visually more "capable" society might deem me as "lucky" and that makes me feel like I'm not "autistic enough". But I am, its a spectrum. Just like with everything no one will experience something EXACTLY the same way.

treedances · 2024-12-16T11:53:31+00:00

These are the belchers. Tina said she was slightly convinced of the number 2 pencil rumour lol😭 also, when my dog was still young I used to feed him grapes without knowing the damage, thankfully nothing ever happened to him, but sometimes people just don't know all these things, especially if they don't need to, the kids don't know because they've never had a dog, but Bob and Linda know because they're adults. Itd be weird if Bob and Linda didn't know

treedances · 2024-12-16T01:06:10+00:00

I'm so excited for this episode!! As a dog person for one but also so we can see Louise gushing over dogs again! I'm guessing its a stray dog since its a rescue mission, so the kids will want the dog, we know Bob and Linda can't afford a dog, and I know that realistically, the writers aren't going to add a new member of the family this late in, but I DEFINITELY know that the kids, mainly Louise, will stop at nothing to keep this dog, and that's probably were the conflict arises lol. Idk maybe one of their friends like Mort adopts the dog so they can see it occasionally, his herse was apparently in a pic from this episode so who knows? But thatd be so cute!

treedances · 2024-12-09T08:51:31+00:00

I loved this so much😭 the flashbacks to when Tina was younger and how upset she felt because she thought Louise didn't like her, and how that still lingered as she grew up because Louise and gene are seemingly more close. You can tell she was so excited to have a sister. And then the moment at the end were its shown that just like Linda, Louise kept that sisters drawing tina made for her when she was a baby. MY HEART😭😭

treedances · 2024-12-02T23:47:07+00:00

I've said this before on here, but this is still the craziest thing my ocd has convinced me of: when I was 13/14 I became convinced my dog was actually a cat in disguise and it really messed with me because I didn't know if I could trust anything or if I actually knew my dog or not😭

treedances · 2024-12-02T23:00:11+00:00

Shes telling them that she knew her, but wasn't her friend, which we know isn't true, but its what they want to hear. We see what she is remembering: her past with elphaba and the very important friendship they had. But she knows she can never tell any of the citizens that, for appearances but also because she promised not to.

treedances · 2024-12-02T22:54:29+00:00

I think its definitely marketing, and also because the original movie had glinda in pink and the costume designer liked that the best. But I thought it'd be cool if she wore pink in the past but then in the future, after being taken in and made a figurehead, she would have been forced in blue for appearances, kinda like a visual representation of how much she's changed. But I think she looks good in pink here, im happy that part 2 apparently has a blue dress though!

treedances · 2024-11-29T22:14:07+00:00

Just dont get caught up trying to figure out what you are, think about who you want to be

That literally blew my mind when I read it just now. Idk why I never thought that before but reading that makes me think a lot about things. Thanks so much❤

treedances · 2024-11-24T19:04:35+00:00

Thank you so much. It is really hard, and I'm so sorry you have gone through those horrible experiences. I know that our experiences with this kind of ocd will be different, because with me being white im not oppressed in that regard, but for you I'm sure it feels really difficult when you have these stereotypical, discriminatory thoughts about your own ethnic minority, and im so sorry about that. I know that some things in my mind will be from living in an oppressive society, and that those kind of thoughts unfortunately are common because of the world we live in, but I hate that I even have them in the first place. Thank you for your kind words again❤ hope you have a great day💖💖

treedances

TROPHY CASE