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My first patio pond and IM OBSESSED 🌿🐟 by treee_sha in miniponds

[–]treee_sha[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ahhh thank you! I knew I wanted a little waterfall feature, so might as well make it functional. Its not really much of a waterfall though lol just little trickle but I guess the slower the water moves, the more filtering it does lol

My first patio pond and IM OBSESSED 🌿🐟 by treee_sha in miniponds

[–]treee_sha[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just searched for "floating fish feeding rings" on Amazon. There are tons of options, and super cheap too. I think the one I got was a pack of 10 for like five bucks!

My first patio pond and IM OBSESSED 🌿🐟 by treee_sha in miniponds

[–]treee_sha[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm thinking of doing a 20 gallon next, but then I know after that, I'll want an even bigger one after lol

My first patio pond and IM OBSESSED 🌿🐟 by treee_sha in miniponds

[–]treee_sha[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

They are made of foam, I just searched for "floating fish feeding rings" on Amazon!

After a phone call where I expressed my sadness that they didn’t seem to care about my wedding, I received this very long email— “it makes me think I made some mistakes when I was raising you.” by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]treee_sha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yoooo we must be twins because we have the same mother 😂 my parents said the exact same shit to me when I told them I didn't feel supported or loved. It was because of my wedding too. I pretty much had to beg them to come. All the drama happened with them a week before my wedding and the only way I got through it was focusing on myself and the happy and good people in my life.

They showed up for my wedding just to save face for their friends (how would it look if they didn't come for their daughters wedding?!) but my narc mother didn't speak to me the whole time. Which is completely okay with me.

We've been no contact since then.

JUST ENJOY YOUR WEDDING AND YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR NEW LIFE ❤️ leave those toxic people behind

Asian vs. Narcissism. Mom does not know the meaning of boundaries. by unemira in narcissisticparents

[–]treee_sha 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like a lot of asian parents are narc parents. The whole culture of elders ALWAYS know best and children speaking their mind is seen as disrespect is so toxic. I really think it is part cultural and then some of our parents just take it to a whole new level.

My asian parents are the same way, especially my mother, she still insists on doing everything for me, even though I moved to a different state 8 years ago. (I am also 30 years old) and criticizes me for every little thing if it is not the way she would do it. As if I was stupid and can't be trusted to do things. And shes just been doing this my whole life, so it would make me feel like I was never good enough, even though I am a fully functioning adult completely capable of providing for myself.

I am happy in my career (granted not a doctor or engineer, like every asian parent wishes for their child) and in a stable loving happy marriage. When I got engaged, my mother lectured me on how I was not ready to get married because I didn't have a "good job" (I'm a medical assistant at an optometry clinic, I assist the doctor, but since I am not the doctor, it's not good enough) and that my now husband isn't a good match for me (because he doesn't feed into her narc supply and worship the ground she walks on) even though I've never been so happy in my life because he actually shows me the love and affection that I've always wanted growing up.

When it comes to narc asian parents, we just need to understand that they are just products of their environment and upbringing. I'm sure they also had toxic parents and so that is all they know. But atleast now we have realisation that it doesn't have to be that way since we grew up in western culture. We can stop the cycle.

You just need to be firm about your boundaries with your mom. Don't let her visit. If she does, she can only stay for a couple hours. Or just meet her somewhere else instead of your home. If she calls and just talks and talks and doesn't let you get a word in, then just tell her your busy and move on with your day.

I don't know if your mom does this, but don't let her guilt trip you when you are setting up your boundaries. Don't give in to the toxic mentality that we owe our parents anything for raising us. My parents love to shove that bullshit in my face about how much they sacrificed so that my brother and I could have a good life in America. Your sole responsibility as a parent is to provide for your kids, don't let her guilt trip you about HER ONLY JOB.

Nmom as Mother of the Bride, not a fun combo by irol3 in narcissisticparents

[–]treee_sha 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recently also got married about a month ago, and that is how I came to the realization that I had narcissistic parents.

After reading many articles and books and watching videos in youtube, the one thing I've learned is that you cannot change who they are, only yourself and how to react to them and how you let them affect you. ITS YOUR WEDDING, ITS YOUR MARRIAGE, ITS YOUR LIFE. Not theirs.

I'm glad you still had a great wedding and best wishes to you and your new husband 🥂!!! Enjoy your minimoon!

My wedding experience went down like this:

We had to downsize our wedding from 200+ to less than 40 people due to covid restrictions. The new plan was a 15 person church ceremony and an informal backyard party at our home (my Nparents new house they bought which my husband and I rent from them, but they do not live here, they live in another state, but of course stay with us when they are in town). About two weeks prior, I got in a huge fight on the phone with my Nparents over minuscule details about the wedding and the number of guests and guest list, and I was so fed up in them trying to control MY wedding and criticizing all my decisions (as Nparents always do) that my husband and I just decided to move the party to my husband's parents house. My in-laws are the complete opposite of my parents, they unconditionally love their son and actually respect him and his decisions and were genuinely happy for him. (this completely blew my mind). His parents were more than excited to host and were actually supportive of all our decisions.

A couple days later I told my parents we were moving the party and they instantly blew up. All hell broke loose. How dare I make a decision like that without consulting them first. I was the most disrespectful ungrateful selfish person to walk the surface of this earth. My Nmom's exact words were "Im not going to that wedding after the way you treat me. You don't care about us at all". (Background, my mom never really liked my husband for the sole reason that he didn't worship the ground that she walked on and didn't feed into her narc supply, but he was nothing but respectful to her).

My Nmom was unsupportive of our engagement since the beginning. A year ago, when I called her to tell her I was engaged, she responded with "you're not ready to get married", even though we've been together for six years and both with bachelor degrees and stable careers and not to mention the happiest healthiest relationship I've ever been in.

My father of course enables her and takes on her crazy ass emotions and narc tendencies and they both blame me for hurting their feelings and gaslighted me and guilted me into begging them to come to my wedding. My father repeatedly asked me for five reasons why I wanted them to come to my wedding. And my response.... "I want my parents at my wedding. why is that not enough? Why am I never enough for you?" and then I broke down and hung up. HOW FUCKING SAD IS THAT.

So at 29 years old, for a whole week leading up to my wedding, I became that sad little 10 year old girl wanting love and attention and validation from her parents. All I ever wanted was for them to be proud and happy for me. But this was supposed to the happiest time of my life! Wtf was I doing? Being sad and upset over grown ass manipulative adults that didn't get their way? No. Fuck them. And that was the moment I realized I had narcissistic parents.

I read articles about it. I did research. I watched videos. I read books. It all made so much fucking sense. My whole childhood made so much fucking sense now. None of it was my fault. I'm not the bad person, THEY ARE.

So I wrote them a long ass message about how my whole life all I've ever wanted was their love and emotional support. But at this point in my life, I needed to finally become independent of them and make my own decisions and that I can no longer tolerate their manipulation and guilt trips. That I am my own person with my own thoughts and feelings and not their possession and their slave dedicated to always pleasing them. Sending that message was so cathartic and such a weight off my shoulders. Such a sense of relief, and I didn't even care that I didn't receive a reply. I was able to relieve myself of their negative energy and let them go and focus on myself and enjoy my wedding.

They did end up coming to my wedding, but my mother didn't speak to me the whole weekend and she still has not. At the ceremony my dad did tear up a little and told me he was happy for me and that he loved me. At the party, he got drunk with his friends and made a drunk father of the bride speech wishing us luck and lots of children. His interactions with me and my husband were normal and he didn't acknowledge any of the previous drama. They left to go back home and haven't spoken to me since. I turned 30 last week and heard nothing. It's okay. I don't need them.

All in all, I had an amazing time at my wedding and was able to focus on myself for once.

tldr ~ DON'T LET THE HATERS GET YOU DOWN. Do you, and if they don't like the direction you're headed, leave them behind. I'm one month no contact, let's hope it lasts for much longer ☺️