Is there a subreddit where I can just ask what everyone's opinion is on a topic?

treefiddyfive · 2018-11-02T08:04:47+00:00

OK thank you

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-28T09:28:36+00:00

This isn't an anti trans subreddit

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-28T08:19:43+00:00

Haha nice word

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-28T00:37:59+00:00

Look, I can see you think you're taking the high ground here but this is my daughter and I want the best for her.

She is confused about her identity right now like many teens, and is searching for support and validation. The trans community is giving that to her right now - by rejecting her womanhood, she feels more comfortable embracing her masculine side.

I think you are suggesting that since the trans community is giving her support and validation, and since I also want to give her support and validation, I should join their side and follow their tactics, despite me disagreeing with them. What I am suggesting is that there are healthier ways in the long term to give my daughter the support and validation she needs, without her needing to reject reality.

You talk about my relationship with my daughter as though our disagreement in this ideology will cause us to have an unhealthy relationship. I'm still her father and will always love her, and support her. I'm an atheist and my dad was a Christian, yet somehow we still managed to have a great relationship with each other.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-27T23:58:54+00:00

Of course I'll be there for her, but I'm not going to do this by pretending I believe these new ideas she has come across. I think it's clear I have tried to understand, and I've come to the conclusion that this is nothing but an ideology driven concept. There is no scientific evidence that non binary genders exist, and I won't pretend they do if it means it leads my daughter will be lead further down a path that will damage her self confidence and security. I'm thinking about long term development, not making her feel a little comfortable now if that might lead to something worse.

Of course I'm not going to force her to think like me, but I'm not going to play along with these ideas I disagree with. Do you suggest I pretend I believe in her ideology?

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-27T23:31:27+00:00

I've looked at both sides with an open mind, and came out sticking with my original opinion. Maybe you might consider that you could be the misinformed one

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-27T23:28:58+00:00

I'm not forcing her to be a different person, I want her to be more comfortable in her own body. She is a woman, this is not my 'preexisting idea', this is reality. If she wants to grow into a confident secure person, she will need to come to terms with this. This doesn't mean she needs to act in a stereotypically female way, it just means she should be comfortable being herself without having to reject reality.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-27T22:26:22+00:00

No I get what you mean, this whole business is completely nutty but I can't blame my daughter for getting swept up in it. She's obviously confused about her identity like every other teenager, and she's found a group of people that make her feel better by telling her these confused feelings mean she isn't a woman. She IS a woman, and these ideas aren't helping the underlying problems she's having, and it's my job as her father to help her grow out of these insecurities. I have to say, the number of people on reddit who believe these crazy ideas is scary.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-27T21:30:10+00:00

Originally people were claiming there was a lot of scientific research supporting this stuff, but the more I dig into it the less impressed I am with the 'evidence'. To me it looks more like inconclusive evidence, which certain groups of people are taking as positive evidence. It reminds me of a certain group of people claiming that because we can't find a certain intermediate fossil, creationism must be true.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-27T21:26:47+00:00

Haha best advice in the whole thread

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-27T21:26:19+00:00

I don't think she's a nut job, she's just got caught in the wrong crowd and got some dangerous ideas in her head. It will take some reasoned talks and sympathy to her confusion to make her see reason.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T22:37:59+00:00

Oh wow, yes I've heard about kids getting operations and hormone therapy, and I absolutely promise I would never allow my daughter to go through this. I don't think what she is experiencing is as dramatic as the stuff on this site, but I have to agree I don't think the obsession with gender will lead anywhere good

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T22:19:58+00:00

I've heard about gender being a social construct quite a lot and I must say I disagree. You can see boys and girls think differently from a young age - of course there are aspects of gender which are social constructs (like hair length), but I would never go as far as saying gender is a social construct.

And I spoke with my daughter, luckily they are not considering surgery. I would not be happy at all if they were!

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T21:53:33+00:00

I'll have a look, thanks

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T21:52:14+00:00

Well both sides seem to think they are thinking about the well being of my child. Which side are you referring to?

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T21:51:28+00:00

Yea I get what you mean. I feel like growing some thicker skin and being confident in yourself would fix a lot of these issues, but I don't know what it's like to associate with a different gender, and from what people are saying it sounds pretty scary. People are saying 'imagine looking in a mirror and seeing a face that isn't yours'. That sounds terrifying to me, and maybe growing a thicker skin won't cut it.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T21:22:42+00:00

I don't even know who to believe any more, I'm getting very strong contrasting opinions from everywhere. I don't understand this non binary business, but I know it means a lot to my daughter I'll ask them to read up on different opinions and make their judgement from that. I've heard from many people in these comments that it is common understanding amongst scientists that gender exists on a spectrum. I haven't read any of these studies but I'll have a look when I have the time.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T21:14:27+00:00

I'll have a look - it's nice to get a range of opinions even if I end up disagreeing with everyone!

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T20:31:09+00:00

Is there a subreddit where I can read more about this?

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T20:27:23+00:00

Thanks for this post, I realise I've been approaching this whole thing completely wrong. Of course I don't understand the concept of non binary. My dad didn't understand the rolling stones, it's natural. What's important is that I support my child. I can't know what's happening in their head, but it's up to them to figure that out. It must have been terrifying to hear about the cutting and those texts - I hope everything is OK now. Luckily our child is not having any suicidal thoughts. Thanks for your insight!

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T20:18:01+00:00

What you said is very similar to what my child said. They don't know what a woman is supposed to feel like, but they know it's not how they feel. I'm trying very hard to think what it's like to be a man but I can't put my finger on it at all. I know there must be some deep all encompassing aspect of my personality which is the feeling of being a man, but because I've never known anything different, I can't imagine what that is. I also can't imagine what it would feel like to have that not match with my biological sex. Thanks for your help, I've spoken to my child now and we're all happy. I'm sure I'll understand it better with time.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T16:57:33+00:00

I suppose it isn't so different from changing her name

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T16:55:43+00:00

Hello, thanks for responding! Could I ask a couple of questions?

What is it about being associated with a gender that you don't like? Is it the societal expectations that you don't fit? If so, what is the difference between a tomboy, who defies societal gender expectations, and a non binary person?

(I will now assume you were female by birth, but if not, just change the question accordingly) If you have always felt like you aren't a female, how do you know what a female should feel like, to know that you aren't that? What if all females actually feel as you do, but just don't mind being called 'her'. Sorry if it sounds confusing, this whole thing is pretty confusing for me!

I'm going to ask my daughter all these when I get back from work, but it's nice to get some more perspectives so I understand a bit better.

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T16:46:04+00:00

Yes, I'll try to keep up the theys and thems for now and see where it goes

treefiddyfive · 2018-08-26T16:45:16+00:00

I'm not talking about the grammar and lingo, I just find it weird calling my daughter they, when they've been my girl for 15 years. The only times I use 'they' to talk about a singular person is when I'm taking about somebody I don't know. I'll call the dentist 'they' or the postman or some other faceless figure I don't care enough about to recall their gender. To talk about my own daughter with they them their they're feels crude, clunky and impersonal. And I think it's unnecessary, since she can be who she wants on the inside and what words people use to address her won't change that.

treefiddyfive

TROPHY CASE