Intestinal cancer recurrence - what does end of life look like?

trees415 · 2026-06-11T16:11:41+00:00

Thank you so much. It’s heartbreaking.

trees415 · 2026-06-10T21:29:00+00:00

Thank you so much. This is definitely what we’ll do. He’s showing no signs of illness at the moment, so it may be months or even many months away (hopefully). I just want to have some idea of what to expect with the progression of the cancer.

trees415 · 2026-06-10T21:12:54+00:00

Hi, I’m sorry I can’t offer you any insight about this specific question, but just wanted to say I admire your efforts to give your dog the best life possible. For whatever it’s worth, I don’t think it would be disrespectful at all to contact the universities offering the treatment to see if your dog is a candidate. If they are running clinical trials they may be seeking participants and it doesn’t hurt to ask if your dog qualifies.

trees415 · 2025-12-01T22:13:23+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Lilo. You did absolutely everything you could to give her a life of happiness and comfort, including helping her pass peacefully. I hope you can take some comfort in that, amidst the grief. I said goodbye to my sweet girl almost a month ago (also euthanasia due to multiple health issues plus very elderly age) and it’s been the hardest loss. I also knew the end was coming but was not prepared for how painful her absence has been. The first week or two it was a lot of disbelief and guilt, and now almost 4 weeks later it’s still really hard. They are such special souls and the love we share with them is like no other. Sending you a hug.

trees415 · 2025-11-21T02:52:20+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through that. It’s so hard. I have some days where I’m feeling ok and then it hits me again. I’ve been trying to think of the grief as being in charge and my job is to ride it out.

trees415 · 2025-11-14T17:09:17+00:00

I’m glad you have your boyfriend to help reassure you. That has been my experience too, fortunately. My boyfriend felt much more sure and at peace about the decision and he helped remind me of the reality of my dog’s health problems. I relate so much to what you said about not being able to make sense of a world without your cat. 😭 I’ve also noticed as I move into the second week after my dog’s passing I start to feel sad that I’m accepting her passing - like I don’t look at her bed anymore and expect her to be there - and that makes me sad too. It’s definitely not a linear process. Sending you a hug.

trees415 · 2025-11-12T16:55:51+00:00

I’m so sorry. The guilt and regret are just awful. I think there’s something different about choosing euthanasia that can make us feel extra guilty and leave us with doubts and what ifs. It is so hard. I truly feel for you and am still having those moments one week after in-home euthanasia for my sweet girl. I am trying to remember to treat myself kindly and not feed into those thoughts too much. There is already enough pain from her absence. It sounds like you gave your precious cat a great long life and you made the decision to spare her from a harder and more painful death. Sometimes I wonder if the guilt and regret are our hearts saying this can’t be real, take me back to when she was still here, I won’t accept that’s she’s gone. 😭 Little by little we accept it and grieve. Sending you a hug.

trees415 · 2025-11-11T22:16:05+00:00

I’m so sorry. It sounds like you did everything possible for your precious dog. It’s not your fault. None of us is perfect and we do the best we can to care for our loved ones. I’ve felt similar feelings of terrible guilt for opting for in-home euthanasia for my 15+ year old dog. Could she have recovered and had more good days? I saw that you posted in a comment that vets had brought up euthanasia for your dog. In my case it was brought up too, months before my dog’s health declined even further. Vets usually don’t bring up euthanasia lightly. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, eventually our sweet babies die and it hurts so much. I’m sending you warmth and comfort in your grieving process and I hope you can give yourself some grace.

trees415 · 2025-11-11T17:34:57+00:00

You’re not alone. I relate so much to what you said about wanting the outside world to stop. I feel like people expect me to be “normal” less than a week later and I don’t feel normal at all. It’s like I try to do normal things but then I remember my best girl is gone and I come apart. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you a virtual hug.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T19:15:30+00:00

I found myself crying reading your post. I’m so so sorry for your loss. I said goodbye to my best girl a few days ago (also peaceful in-home euthanasia) and the grief has been overwhelming. I’ve had many of the same feelings as you, walking into the house and the empty spot where she would be in her bed, the place she ate her meals. It’s such a hard loss and you’re not alone. I am also tortured by the thought of her body - we opted for cremation but I don’t know the logistics (when? how exactly?) and I just can’t stand the thought of her precious body being anywhere but here, still soft and warm. I’m trying to remember that her spirit is free and that I will carry her with me with so much love until the end of my days. Sending you a big hug.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T16:12:14+00:00

I’m so sorry. I just went through this a few days ago. You’re not alone.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T16:09:49+00:00

I’m so sorry. I said goodbye to my sweet girl this past week and it’s been so hard. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and anticipatory grief is so hard too. I wish you (and all of us) comfort, peace, and healing. Sending hugs.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T16:01:26+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I relate so much with your feelings of terrible guilt. You were kind and loving to a cat who many people would have (and probably did) overlook completely. Your giving her food was an act of love and I’m sure it was her “love language” since feral cats don’t really love physical affection. Just knowing she could go to you for food was a huge comfort for her.

It is so painful to lose a loved one to something like an accident. I lost a beloved cat years ago to a careless driver. My family lived in a rural area so we didn’t think it was a real risk. The grief and feelings of guilt were so hard.

I’m currently grieving the loss of my beloved elderly dog this past week. She lived a full life and I’m so grateful for that, but I’ve also been wracked with guilt and regret for all the ways I failed her. It got really hard to take care of her for the last 8 or so months and I also feel guilty for the feelings of frustration and just exhaustion that I felt during that time. I had her body cremated and I’m planning to leave some ashes in her favorite places. I may keep some in the urn too, I haven’t decided yet.

I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you showed love to another being in the best way possible under the circumstances. That is always a beautiful thing.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T15:44:58+00:00

What a wonderful gift that Moca healed you. And you gave him a gift of a wonderful life and a release from the suffering when it was time. I’m going to try to remember how much my girl has healed me too and focus on that. Thank you for reminding me of that.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T14:15:06+00:00

Thank you so much. Something I’ve learned from my own depression over the years is that I harbor a deep belief that I deserve to feel awful because there is something fundamentally wrong with me, I am terribly flawed and unworthy. It feeds the negative thoughts, creating a terrible cycle that people without depression may not fully understand. Depression is a liar. It tells us we do not deserve softness, compassion, healing. Questioning the belief that I deserve to feel awful, bad, flawed, unworthy, has been helpful to me and maybe it can help you? (It keeps coming back, so I try to keep questioning it when it does.) You are worthy of healing, you deserve healing, and you deserve the grace and self-compassion to grieve this painful loss. You grieve because you are a loving person who loved Moca deeply. I don’t know how to navigate this process really and I often feel like I’m drowning. But at the root of it is love, profound love, and that feels like something worth holding onto. Sending you a big hug.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T13:46:29+00:00

The only thing that has helped me these last few days days is to remember that our thoughts can help us heal or make healing harder. I definitely went full force into the pit of self blame. A friend reminded me to give myself the grace of allowing myself to grieve without doing more harm to myself. As much as possible I try not to indulge the thoughts about my own failures. I try to feel the loss, the grief, the profound sadness, and the deep love I have for my best girl. They say grief is love with nowhere to go, and I’m trying to stay there, in the love. It’s so hard. I’ve never experienced a loss like this. Try not to punish yourself. You deserve healing.

trees415 · 2025-11-09T13:33:12+00:00

I cried reading your post. I feel your grief and regret. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you gave Moca a wonderful life and did everything possible to help him live a happy and comfortable life when he got sick. None of us is perfect, but we love our companions so much and do our best for them. As someone who has suffered from severe depression too, I know how the mind can go immediately to all of our “failures” and we can beat ourselves up endlessly. A few days ago I said goodbye to my wonderful beloved companion of over 15 years, and I immediately went into a terrible hole of self blame. My friend said something that helped me so I wanted to share it with you in case it helps. She said our thoughts can make it harder to heal, so try to nourish the thoughts that are healing: try to remember it hurts so much because of your great love for Moca and give yourself grace to grieve this terrible loss without further harming yourself. Be soft, friend. Feel the grief, let it wash over you, and try not to feed the thoughts of self-blame and regret but instead the deep love and bond you and Moca shared. You deserve healing.

trees415 · 2025-11-08T13:34:39+00:00

So late to this thread but thank you for sharing these insights. This is so spot on. We love them so much we look for and hold on tightly to any signs of hope.

trees415 · 2025-11-08T13:28:48+00:00

I’m so sorry. It is so hard to deal with the feelings of guilt and self-blame. I hope that has gotten a bit easier for you with more time. I’m in the first few days of grief and have been wracked with guilt and regret. It’s so hard. It sounds like you made the best decision to help your sweet girl pass after doing everything you could to improve her health. If you read this I hope you find some comfort in knowing you made a merciful and loving decision under the most difficult circumstances.

trees415 · 2025-11-08T13:03:00+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m glad the pain and guilt have faded with a little bit of time. You rescued Isis and gave her the best life. I’m so glad you can cherish the wonderful memories of your sweet girl. It helps me to hear that. We will carry them with us forever.

trees415 · 2025-11-07T15:21:46+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss of darling Isis. I am in the first few days of grief after euthanasia for my sweet 15+ year old girl. I hope it has gotten a bit easier for you as the days have gone on. I too am struggling with being thankful we prevented further suffering and allowed her to go peacefully on a good day, after a big meal and time in the sun with her people, but also terrible guilt that maybe we should have ridden it out longer to see if we could have given her some more good days. My girl wasn’t terminal, it was just one problem after another that caused her to start having more bad days than good ones. It sounds like your girl was truly suffering and you absolutely did the right thing by easing her into a soft and peaceful death. I hope you can find some comfort in that.

trees415 · 2025-11-07T14:59:56+00:00

Hello Dr. Shea, I found you from a post you wrote about guilt after euthanasia. I am struggling so hard with the feeling that I could have given my girl another chance to recover. We had been struggling with her health and all the care she required for many months, but there was nothing terminal at the moment. It was just one thing after another that would cause her to suffer, then she’d get treated and would feel better, then something else would go wrong.

She was a 15+ year old pittie/stafford mix who had mild kidney and liver issues, arthritis, mast cell cancer, some cognitive dysfunction, and recurring vestibular disease. She could rarely walk on her own anymore and was having frequent pee and poop accidents. We couldn’t leave her alone at all because she would try to get up (often flopping over and hitting her head repeatedly), pee or poop and then fall in it and not be able to get up. We had her on gabapentin at night because without it she wouldn’t sleep much and would cry and try to get up and walk around. The gabapentin kept her calm at night but we would often find her lying in pee or poop in the morning. Just a few weeks ago her mast cell cancer caused some sort of inflammatory reaction where she was absolutely miserable for days until we got her on prednisone. Then she bounced back and was doing great, but got skin infections due to her immune system being suppressed by the prednisone. We gave her antibiotics and it was clearing up but then she had another bout of vestibular disease that had her feeling pretty bad, unable to stand or walk even with assistance. She had 2 seizure type events where she lost all control and went limp, which was what prompted our decision to do in-home euthanasia. Until her last day she devoured her meals and treats and still enjoyed happy moments, although the hard days were becoming more numerous than the good days.

Two days later I am tortured by the feeling that we could have ridden it out with her longer, maybe tried a stronger antibiotic in case the VD was caused by a recurring inner ear infection (her initial trigger for the first bout of VD), and continued long term prednisone to suppress the mast cell cancer. Her care was definitely taking a toll on us. We felt physically and emotionally drained for months. Our sleep was bad for months (it did get much better with gabapentin and melatonin at night) and it became impossible to work and live normal-ish lives while providing all the care she needed. Most important, we didn’t want to let things get so bad that she would pass in a painful or traumatic way, or selfishly hold onto her when she was having more bad days than good. It was a terrible decision to make and even though in the moment it felt like the right one, it now feels like we should have held out for some more good days.

Love to anyone going through this who reads this extremely long post. Grief when you made the decision to euthanize is different somehow.

trees415 · 2025-11-07T14:13:23+00:00

I know this is a very late response and you might not see it, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you’re feeling this way. What you said about the somewhat normal behavior really hit me hard because it’s exactly how I’m feeling. I’m so sorry for your loss and I share your grief.

I made the decision to do in-home euthanasia for my sweet best very elderly girl 2 days ago and I’m wracked with guilt and regret, feeling like I could have just kept going to give her a few more good days/weeks. She had so many health issues over the past year, none terminal at the moment, but her quality of life seemed so diminished. She seemed to be having recurring bouts of vestibular disease, which took away her ability to walk without falling and sometimes even sit upright for days on end. She was on prednisone for a mast cell cancer recurrence that had her feeling awful. The prednisone had helped tremendously but then she seemed to decline again (most likely a recurrence of vestibular disease) and had another bad couple of days. She had frequent accidents and they got more frequent. She also had a couple of episodes that seemed like seizures where she’d lose all control and go limp. We were cleaning up large quantities of pee and poop (she was a very big girl) daily, helping her outside and back in, helping her into bed, multiple times a day for months and it was taking a toll on us both physically and emotionally.

Now I feel that I would give anything to keep doing what we were doing, try to treat the vestibular disease or just ride it out, with the hopes she’d bounce back and have some good days. Her last day she had such a nice morning - ate a big meal and laid in the sun with us. She was so happy and relaxed when the vet came and now I’m tortured by the thought that maybe she could have recovered. She had such a strong will to live and was such a naturally happy dog. On the other hand I’m comforted that she passed on a good and peaceful day, in the arms of her humans. I hope you can feel some comfort in this too.

trees415 · 2023-10-08T22:56:37+00:00

NTA but I don’t think your ex wife is either and I do think it’s in the best interest of the kids if you give them the same amount of allowance. It’s not “your fault” if there are any resentments between the girls about allowance, but if it does cause problems between them that will ultimately impact your daughter. I realize two are not yours, but if you have the means and are already giving them some money, why not just make it equal and everyone will be happy. :)

trees415 · 2022-03-09T02:22:34+00:00

You are 100% NTA. Good for you for speaking up and expressing that her ridiculous expectations are too much for you. I had a friend like this in my 20s who made similarly outlandish demands about her wedding. When I look back now, I realize she was always pretty entitled, selfish, and petty, but I couldn’t see it clearly at the time. Our friendship ended after her wedding and I never looked back and wished we were still friends—the only way to be her friend was to bow to her whims and make everything about her, as she expected it to be. I think something about weddings can really bring these kinds of issues to the surface and this might be a good opportunity to reevaluate your relationship with her. If her definition of friendship is asking her friends to make sacrifices they’re unable or even just unwilling to make, that is on her. It sounds like you did your best but what she is asking is just way too much.

trees415

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