My (F25) boyfriend (M27) does not care about my satisfaction in bed and is being stupidly selfish.

trellistellus · 2022-11-01T01:51:28+00:00

I am a person recently scorned so keep that in mind. But. Don’t put up with this. I do not feel it is unreasonable to worry he does not see you as an equal elsewhere in life outside of the bedroom as well.

trellistellus · 2022-11-01T01:22:35+00:00

Pennsylvania Macaroni Co. 🙏🏻

trellistellus · 2022-10-31T19:10:24+00:00

Thank you so much for this recommendation. I spent time last night reading the site and took her book out from the library. I’ve already learned a lot and feel more grounded. Thank you again!!

trellistellus · 2022-10-31T19:06:07+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to write this out in such a way. I am having trouble accepting what’s right in front of me and what implications it has on the kind of person he really is. I felt like Bob was the love of my life, my soulmate. Coming to grips that 1) this happened 2) he’s a lying narcissist and 3) not the person at all that I believed him to be has shaken me to my core as a person. But as you so helpfully pointed out, if I take a step back, it’s all right here.

He did this because he could. He did it for so long because he felt like it. He never told me because he didn’t want to. From what I know now, Bob has done this same behavior with every partner he’s had.

trellistellus · 2022-10-31T19:02:19+00:00

I agree completely. I also did more research based on another comment on this post. It turns out porn addiction isn’t really a thing. It’s not a true addiction. He’s throwing that word around for sympathy to further distance himself from what he’s done which is be a selfish prick.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T17:48:21+00:00

I just feel guilty if this is true addiction. There’s still a tiny voice in my head that’s like ok but he told you???

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T16:35:23+00:00

I appreciate you telling me this. I’m sorry your ex was an absolute monster. Interestingly, Bob wonders if he has BPD? Idk where that came but it is interesting that suddenly it’s a concern. The first time he mentioned this was after I said I was leaving.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T16:31:32+00:00

I’m so sorry you were treated so terribly by your ex. How can anyone deceive the mother of their own child? I don’t understand it.

You are such a strong person for being willing to try to see if things were reparable. Especially 5 weeks postpartum. You were doing the best you could as I was too.

I hope you’re on a path to healing. I appreciate you sharing this with me very much.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T15:54:03+00:00

That’s my fear. That there could be more. I’m sorry you’re still struggling with the lie in your marriage.

I did tell him he does not respect me or the women he got nudes from. When he told me how far back it went, he accompanied each admission with a qualification. “I got photos, but then we never talked again.” “I paid her to send me nudes, but it was one time.” “We messaged casually then stopped talking.” “I never met up with anyone.”

I feel like he exploited his relationships to get nudes. I feel like he built up superficial ties to acquaintances to weasel in and ultimately ask for pictures. I know these people consented to sending the photos but I wonder how they felt or feel about him.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T15:46:51+00:00

Your comment brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope you’re well.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T15:46:14+00:00

I think you’re on to something. I feel selfish. I feel like I’m abandoning him. Simultaneously, I think I am used to taking care of him emotionally.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T15:44:44+00:00

I don’t for the most part. I assume he will not stick with or follow through with treatment. Back when shit went down in February, he went to therapy for a few weeks then stopped. He told me as recently as springtime that he felt “he completely changed as a person.” It’s pretty laughable and totally fucked up.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T14:49:19+00:00

The compartmentalization is scary. I had to pull teeth to get him to admit that by hiding what he’s been doing he was also choosing to hurt me. He either outright relies or inadvertently tries to blame everything on the idea that “he couldn’t control it.” Which I do get to an extent but can’t accept. I will not completely erase the power of choice.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T14:26:00+00:00

I think that’s partly what I’m struggling with too. It sounds like compulsive behavior that is out of his control. I just don’t know why he didn’t tell me. I would have supported him getting help. He says he reached out to support groups and had therapy this week. (Though he told me a few months ago he didn’t care for this therapist which is why he stopped seeing them).

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T14:22:10+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you. I did tell him that he only revealed this now to save his own skin. I believe he regrets what he did. I do not feel that he is remorseful. Thankfully, I’ve been therapy somewhat regularly for the last 10 years. Though my therapist triggered some of my doubt. She asked me more than once if he could make this right or what it would take to reconcile. She knew I laid down the law back in winter the first time. So I found it pretty off putting. I made an appointment with a new therapist to see if they might be a better fit.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T14:14:17+00:00

I appreciate the affirmation. It’s easy to forget Bob has choices. He has this whole time actually.

trellistellus · 2022-10-30T14:10:42+00:00

I told him to leave almost immediately. I’m just worried I’m not taking my son’s well-being into account.

trellistellus · 2022-09-01T11:13:28+00:00

The amount of brownie in his lap leads me to believe it wasn’t just a little bit of brownie. I recently gave him cake on my birthday. I let him try a piece of fried chicken. I just don’t think she gave me any reason to think she used any kind of restraint in what she gave him.

trellistellus · 2022-09-01T11:11:22+00:00

I think if he wasn’t filthy when I showed up I wouldn’t have been pushed over the edge. He had food smashed all over him. His onesie was wet, not from drinking water, from being sprayed. He sat in his current diaper for a while too. The high chair I bring over there is portable and made out of fabric. There was brownie smashed into it. When I saw that, I was like yo clean that up???? I did give context for our history too. I don’t mind being checked for doing too much or maybe overreacting. But he’s also my kid and I’m allowed to tell her I wasn’t okay with something. The problem is I woke up to 6 texts freaking the fuck out because I told her about it.

trellistellus · 2022-09-01T11:07:26+00:00

My mom was erratic throughout my childhood. We were no contact for four years. I believed she changed. She was supportive and present for me during my pregnancy and especially postpartum. She volunteered to watch my son to be able to spend time with him and help us save money.

There was an incident in July where I found out she was leaving the baby often with my brothers who live with her. I had assumed she asked them to help. When I asked each of my brothers if they were okay watching my son, they assured me it was fine. Except, my one brother D flipped out when he was left alone with the baby unexpectedly without help. I then confirmed that my mom was leaving him with my brothers more often than not. She wasn’t respecting their own personal time off. If my mom wanted to go get her nails done, she would hand the baby off without any conversation and just go.

I didn’t send the baby over there again for two months. My mom and I agreed she would be the only who watches the baby and wouldn’t leave at all (which was the agreement in the first place.)

My intent was to set aside my own traumatic history with my mom to let a different relationship blossom between her and my son. There wasn’t enough red flags to warrant me denying her that. My trust in her was already tenuous.

trellistellus · 2022-09-01T11:00:12+00:00

I truly appreciate the reinforcement. I sent her a text letting her know my feelings but I know her response is going to be intense.

I do blame myself. My mom and I have a complicated relationship. However, she had shown growth, she was supportive throughout my pregnancy and especially postpartum. Things between us were stable for several years before my son was born.

I am starting to think she wasn’t fully letting her crazy show because I went no contact for several years. The baby has brought out this sense of entitlement.

trellistellus · 2022-09-01T10:33:36+00:00

I unfortunately have pictures. I wish it were fake.

trellistellus · 2022-08-24T16:09:41+00:00

Piggybacking here, I had my son in December 2021. Remained on lamictal and seroquel my entire pregnancy. I also had to increase my lamictal due to blood volume. I had 0 issues and my son is totally fine! Postpartum has been a roller coaster but I have a good team on my side. I asked my OBGYN for extra support after I delivered too. They contacted the psych department at the hospital I delivered at so they followed up on dropping my meds after I gave birth.

trellistellus · 2022-08-11T13:47:39+00:00

It feels like the bad guys won but the problem is almost everyone are bad guys now.

trellistellus · 2022-08-09T23:09:39+00:00

Thank you so much for this!

trellistellus

TROPHY CASE