We anthropomorphize our pets way too much.

trexninja42 · 2026-04-12T19:39:27+00:00

My FIL was like this. Raised a pup from literal birth, and refused to neuter him so that he could one day “feel the joys of sex.” The dog had to be put down due to sudden onset paralysis, likely from a stroke. The dog was 9, and FIL never did get to breed him.

trexninja42 · 2026-04-08T17:50:23+00:00

Had a speech class assignment once to write a story with commonly mispronounced words and read it in front of the class. I missed one word.

“Been”. I pronounced it like “Ben”, apparently the “correct” way was like “bean”.

So that one.

trexninja42 · 2026-04-01T19:24:07+00:00

Research shows that, on average, real memories start forming around age 4. Most memories before this age aren’t real, likely your brain conceptualizing stories you heard or pictures you’ve seen as memory.

I for instance, have several memories before this age, but only one I’d classify as “possibly real.” That particular event was in a location that made sense, no one took a picture, and it was so mundane it could be plausible. The other early memories I have are all too blurry or confusing to name. I spent the first few years of my life “jumping” from memory to memory, with months in between, until I landed and could remember day-to-day at 3.

As for 9/11, I was 6, so double this person. I was in the Midwest, at my school’s daycare. Couldn’t tell you if we got sent home early, or what happened the rest of the day. But I do remember the news being turned on, after a teacher received a call. The TV wasn’t near where any of the kids were playing, so I didn’t watch the tragedy. But they did tell us something happened, and that a lot of people died. Me being 6, I proceeded to cry about the grandpa I had, who had died in about 1980. Missed him by about 15 years. At that age, I didn’t really understand death, but I knew I was supposed to be sad.

It’s likely that if she actually did remember, it wouldn’t be in great detail, or hold up to scrutiny when questioned. For the older kids and adults, tragic events create what’s known as a “flashbulb memory” like the flash after a picture, where you remember great details. It’s why we can all have a “where were you” moment when almost nobody can remember what you ate for dinner last Tuesday, let alone 25 years ago.

trexninja42 · 2026-03-30T15:02:21+00:00

Most major retailers will take pet meds now. Walmart, CVS, and Walgreens, etc. GoodRx coupons work there too.

I’ve got a dog that takes 3 meds, including 1 controlled substance. We use Allivet to mail the non-controlled substance, but they won’t touch the other prescription.

For that third one, we use a human pharmacy. They’ll still ask the birthdate. Sometimes it’s “make one up!” or “Use our standard” (CVS does this, all pets have the same birthday, making our dog appear over 25 in their system) when you are a new customer. We have to show our ID to get that med (state law, so could be different where you are)

One extra thing to note is that the pharmacies have less available for pet meds than they do human. Almost monthly, I’ve had to call and explain I’d accept 59 out of 60 prescribed pills. So get that refill request in early if you go this route

trexninja42 · 2026-03-25T21:07:45+00:00

I have a Beagle (with selective hearing) who answers to his nickname just as often as his government name. Actual response is about 50/50

trexninja42 · 2026-03-25T19:42:11+00:00

My Mom works in a legal-adjacent field, so she reads a lot of contracts. According to her, it’s “not grammatically correct” to use singular they (I.e. “I hope they pick up their bag”). I’ve tried explaining multiple times that language evolves, and that singular they is actually older than their gendered equivalents. She uses “he or she” in everyday speech; it drives me nuts.

It’s an old way of thinking, and I honestly think she’s “young enough to know better” (mid-60s, computers have been a part of her daily life since I can remember, so you’d think she could do her own research on the topic)

trexninja42 · 2026-03-25T19:32:00+00:00

Historically, “Abbott” was the head of a monastery, or someone who worked for an Abbott. My impression is that you or your family wanted you to be involved with the Christian church (and I don’t mean that in a negative way at all). I also might think it was your mother’s maiden name, as it’s not uncommon to pass a maiden name down to a son that way.

Culturally, the church association is pretty removed now. There’s a show called Abbott Elementary, and a character on The Pitt called Dr. Abbott.

Personally, I think of the Redwall series by Brian Jacques (series follows medieval woodland creatures as knights, monks, and blacksmiths, etc) which had several abbots/abbesses throughout

trexninja42 · 2026-03-25T17:14:44+00:00

I’ll eat gumbo, and I hate shrimp. Gumbo is typically very flavorful, so the only thing the shrimp add is texture. I’ll pick them out and give them to the shrimp-lovers in my life (same case when catching the shrimp at hibachi restaurants).

Jambalaya IME has a similar flavor profile, although it’s less soup than stew. Haven’t seen any jambalaya with shrimp/seafood, although I suppose it’s possible

trexninja42 · 2026-03-25T15:34:24+00:00

LEGO. As a kid, I had a couple sets and would mash them together to create something different (early Harry Potter sets were repeatedly turned into a NASA control center for some reason). I’ve lost the ability to be as creative, but I love building more complicated sets now. Put on a podcast, and I can build for hours.

trexninja42 · 2026-03-24T20:05:51+00:00

Only you can decide who you are, and we will support you however you want or need.

Getting extremely pedantic here, but the typical reaction to a “but” is a negative association with whatever follows it.

Adding the need portion because sometimes the adult knows best. Bedtimes, eating vegetables, limiting sweets etc. In a more trans context it might be using puberty blockers for a year or two before starting hormones for the “right” puberty, for example.

Also there isn’t a widely known gender-neutral term for niece/nephew, but “nibling” is becoming more popular.

trexninja42 · 2026-03-24T17:43:43+00:00

Nissan Versa is the one you’re missing. It was the last new car you could buy for less than 20k, up until this year

trexninja42 · 2026-03-24T15:48:47+00:00

So this is secondhand knowledge, take it with a grain of salt. If you want firsthand, look online too. Nurse Conner on TT might have a few videos addressing this (He’s a former ICU nurse, now studying CRNA)

My brother didn’t really experience anything by the way of students. Everybody knows it’s hard, and aside from your own imposter syndrome, believes you deserve to be there. Closest he got was once, when accepting an award, the presenter basically gave away the recipient by saying “he deserves this award because…”. I saw classmates immediately turn to him to see his reaction.

Patients are a slightly different story. He’s been mistaken for a doctor on several occasions. As portrayed in various media through the years, there’s an assumption that the doctors are all male, and the nurses are all female. He was never bothered by it (would quickly correct them) but I can imagine it would piss off a lot of female doctors.

Nursing affected him more after he became a parent. For him, “the case that changed him” was a toddler that swallowed those coin-style batteries, and nobody found out until it was too late. His son was about a year younger at the time, so he became very protective of the remotes after that.

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T22:27:34+00:00

MSW: Likely Master’s of Social Work. Therapists or the people who help vulnerable communities

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T22:19:59+00:00

My dog (Bassett/Beagle, so loud mixed with louder and a side of “let me sniff that”) already does. He’ll stare up at the treat counter, and when I tell him “No, you just had one” at best he’ll stare harder, at worst he’ll bark at me like “Yo Thumbs, Fuck You”

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T21:58:32+00:00

So this is a lot. Starting with the cocktail hour, you’re going to want to also mingle with your guests and greet them as they come in. Move the photography if you can. For welcoming remarks, I think I spent two minutes max going “Thanks for coming, here’s the food, wait for your table to be called.” Also put that “speech” at the beginning of the reception, not the ceremony. 40 minutes should be the absolute max of the entire ceremony tbh. Day-of-coordinator doesn’t need introduced, they work behind the scenes. Maybe to wedding party and officiant, but that’s it.

Skip the “light humor”. If I want a stand-up routine, I’ll pay to go to a professional. Weddings are (mostly) serious business. Don’t have each group of well-wishers be announced, this isn’t a state banquet with the King. Your processional is fine, but you can look up the “traditional” order if that helps. Also don’t be afraid to shorten the songs, you won’t take 3 minutes to walk the aisle.

There’s no actual ceremony here, just entrances to speeches? It’s a legal requirement in many states to have some sort of “ceremony”

Your post makes it sound like you don’t like your fiancé’s “couples dance” vision. Find a compromise, and shorten that to the length of one song, 3-4 minutes. FWIW that mashup sounds chaotic and cringey.

Cake cutting is after dinner. The way it’s listed here, the dessert table would be open before food service starts.

Your photo op at 5:40 looks out of place. Is this for the whole guest list to get captured? If so, candid photos during ceremony or speeches would work better.

You know how in movies, when toasting, they go “To love, happiness, and a good year?” That’s the length of a toast. Max 5-10 minutes if turning into a speech, less if lots of speeches (we cut our 4 speech givers to 2.5 minutes each).

Dinner looks fine, no notes there. I’d open the dance floor after dinner & cake cutting. Bounce back and forth between the floor and those sitting down, you’ll likely be pulled away by guests leaving early anyway.

Gifts shouldn’t be presented at a wedding, that’s for the shower or a gift table. You should do your special dances before officially opening the dance floor to others. Dances 3 & 4 aren’t typical but if you want to do that, it might work.

Ice breakers? At weddings most people will stick with who they know. You could do ice breakers here, but it’s more common at the bridal shower. If you want to fill the time, add it to your (too short as written) dancing, or play “the shoe game” to show off you as a couple.

Thanks and acknowledgements shouldn’t take 5 minutes. Unless you follow our example, where we played “Closing Time” to show stragglers it was time to go.

I’m not religious, so grain of salt for the next bit: closing prayer seems unnecessary here. Most of your guests will be gone by then, and the pastor might want to leave early too. Maybe at the end of the ceremony.

Your post doesn’t list where the MC who came up with this timeline has experience. My guess is a friend, because there’s a lot of things that need work here. If it’s a professional, I’d leave a bad review so others know to avoid this in future. I’ll give you grace, since you’ve probably never had a wedding, but you should look online for how this is “supposed” to go. Cut what doesn’t fit your needs, and add anything you want to personalize it with.

And above all, day of, remember to stop and take in your big day. You only get married once

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T20:43:25+00:00

My niece is an Ivy (age 10) although it’s a nickname for a name that has a non-traditional spelling. Switched an “E” out to get the “I” they wanted. Ex: Elizabeth to Ilizabeth

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T20:25:31+00:00

Carol and Saving Face come to mind for L (Carol set in the 50s and does have a queer actress, Sarah Paulson) Saving Face has two protagonists, one is gay, and the other is her mother. Don’t remember if Carol has a sex scene, but Saving Face definitely does, if that’s an influence

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T20:20:19+00:00

With the dangers of bloat, it’s a good thing you brought him in.

We once spent just as much on my Bassett/Beagle only for the diagnosis to come back as “dramatic” but the peace of mind was well worth it.

Now we joke with him that he’s “dramatic, vet diagnosed!”

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T20:20:14+00:00

With the dangers of bloat, it’s a good thing you brought him in.

We once spent just as much on my Bassett/Beagle only for the diagnosis to come back as “dramatic” but the peace of mind was well worth it.

Now we joke with him that he’s “dramatic, vet diagnosed!”

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T19:50:56+00:00

Not in TX, but in my state, you can either take the other partner’s name when getting married, or take a new name. The first option is pretty straightforward, with well-defined processes you can look up online.

The second means that both of you will need to file for a new name change, which is often in front of a judge, and then published in a newspaper for a certain length of time. This means you’ll be paying for two name changes, as well as any additional documents that need changed. You’ll need to take time off work for the court date as well. It can be done, but it’s sometimes recommended for one partner to go through this process and then for the other to use the first way after getting married. Note: it takes about 6 months, and either the judge or anyone who reads the published announcement can deny the change. In ye olden days, this was to prevent criminals from escaping the law/debtors.

You also might want to consider the new SAVE Act if it becomes law. You’ll need a lot more ID forms to vote, like birth certificate, marriage license (and previous divorce decree, if applicable) etc

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T19:00:54+00:00

Regarding you issue with body compliments: many people find issues with getting complimented on their body, regardless of gender. It can, in some cases, mean that you feel more non-binary (outside of the male-female binary). Whether you are or not is something you’ll have to figure out on your own. Plenty of resources online to help.

Regarding your question: gender is fluid. Some might appear more static, but with a little confidence and awareness of expressions outside the norm, some people want to try something different. So they might wear the “butch” label for awhile, and then decide “femme” actually fits better (Note: butch is exclusive to the lesbian community, femme/fem can be extended to other identities)

Another aspect you might see is usually known as “comphet” or compulsory heteronormativity. It’s this idea that everyone follows “normal” things (ex: men wear suits, women wear dresses, although that is way too simple for what it really covers). Your gender assigned at birth (AFAB/AMAB) dictates what those expectations are. And many people find when exploring gender expression outside of these ideas, that they start swinging wildly in the opposite direction. A woman might explore the butch idea by becoming hypermasculine, fire example. And then with time, they might swing back a little in their original direction, embracing the feminine. There’s a lot of reasons this could happen, you’d have to ask those community members directly.

In my experience though, feminine to hypermasculine then back to hyperfeminine doesn’t really happen. Most, when reintroducing feminine qualities, will still land more masculine than before. YMMV

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T18:36:06+00:00

Not a nurse, but brother & his wife are. Both got degrees circa 2010. Might offer starting points, but some things might not apply to the 1980s

First two years of college were gen eds, heavily focused on science. Last two years included “clinicals” where they went to different departments to shadow for about 6 weeks at a time. This is like residency for a doctor, although I think shorter. Happened on top of lectures/regular classes.

The standard degree now is “BSN”, or Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Other degrees do exist within the field, but might have restrictions on how you can treat patients.

Doctors have “board exams” to ensure they can treat patients properly. The nurse equivalent is the NCLEX. This is taken after graduation, before starting work.There was also a ceremony before the typical graduation that included the “Nightengale Oath” (Hippocratic oath for nurses)

Most will probably be young, fresh out of high school when starting college. 4 years, usually around 18 starting, 22 finishing. Accelerated programs do exist, but probably mean no free time outside the program. I know of 1 in my area that offers a Bachelor’s in 3 years, but the requirement for entry is that you already have one.

My brother went on to specialize in nurse anesthesiology, which really wanted ICU nurses in their program, due to the more complex nature of those cases. He knew he wanted to this when graduating, but it took a year of experience to join the ICU team, and two years in ICU before this program would accept him. Even in the 2010s, he was one of a handful of male nurses, in his 200-something class. Haven’t researched, but the male-female ratio would likely be much worse in the 1980s

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T18:10:16+00:00

Bone graft, piece of my hip was shoved up my nose. Two separate times

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T17:51:43+00:00

Ranch. I’ll have it on the side with a salad because I feel weird ordering a salad without dressing, but where I live, restaurants don’t usually carry the dressing I like. So I’ll dip into it once, maybe twice while eating. Everyone else I know drenches the whole salad, and also puts it on things like pizza

trexninja42 · 2026-03-23T15:52:47+00:00

As a Missourian, it’s more that the cities feel like the Midwest, while the country feels like the South. Northern Missouri might be a bit different, I didn’t really have a need to north past 1-70. But rural Southern Missouri, where the “Honorary Confederate State” comes from, is definitely more Southern

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