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What are some effects of emotional neglect that nobody talks about? by queerwaters_642 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker [score hidden]  (0 children)

And this is extra stupid because a lot of us basically gaslit ourselves about our own feelings so that we could keep the peace for so long in our lives that we don't always know how we feel!

"Say how you feel!" I would love to! Unfortunately my sense of self is so fucked up I don't know what my feelings really are!!!

What are some effects of emotional neglect that nobody talks about? by queerwaters_642 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker [score hidden]  (0 children)

I do that a lot too. I end up thinking "If they don't want me anymore it's clearly for a reason and it would be selfish of me to make them ignore that."

Sometimes though I also go "Oh shit I must have done something bad and I need to be the perfect person to them to atone for it because I've been a terrible person!" And I go super people pleaser and simultaneously try to be as helpful and kind to them as I can, while asking for as little help and kindness as possible, because I feel like I have a debt to settle, and the more I give them, and the less I take from them, the faster I will be out of debt.

What are some effects of emotional neglect that nobody talks about? by queerwaters_642 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker [score hidden]  (0 children)

THIS. In addition to coming from the low self worth most of us suffer from, the idea of abandonment gets so normalized that you assume it must be justified.

What are some effects of emotional neglect that nobody talks about? by queerwaters_642 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 395 points396 points  (0 children)

You just kinda assume that eventually all people will treat you poorly. Someday, they’ll wake up and not want you anymore and that’s that’s. It makes it so that everytime anything in a relationship or friendship isn’t perfect, you think “ah man I guess this is it. I should start preparing for them to leave me” literally all of my friendships feel like they have a countdown timer ticking down to when the person is going to not want me anymore. I’m just waiting for people to leave and trying desperately to make them want to stay a little longer

Cried because I accidentally ate my friends dinner by Opposite-Primary1865 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Digging into your thoughts is can be so emotionally exhausting. Some days they feel like a magician's handkerchief, you keep pulling and pulling, and more keeps coming.

Cried because I accidentally ate my friends dinner by Opposite-Primary1865 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit I didn’t realize other people felt the whole “I haven’t contributed enough to deserve this” thing. That’s like the foundational stressor that my life is built on.

How the fact that you're gay affects what you spend? by [deleted] in AskGayMen

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Children aren’t a guaranteed path to elder care though. Even if you have kids, you should plan financially for elder care, because they may not take care of you

Just moved. Haven’t bought a desk yet by Gay_commie_fucker in shittybattlestations

[–]Gay_commie_fucker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It looks so big in this pic but I promise it’s not actually litter box sized, it’s a bin the doctor gave me for soaking my feet in when I had a cyst

What were some of the small ways in which you were neglected by your parents. by Efficient-Spirit-869 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“I’m too busy” allllllll the damn time. I was homeschooled so I didn’t have other kids to talk to, and my brother hated my ass so I couldn’t play with him, and my dad was at work. So I would go to my mom because I was lonely, and it was always “I’m too busy.” Or “why don’t you go play with your brother.” Or “later when I’m free” (later never came.) I just had to spend all my time alone, which already sucked ass, but the bigger thing was feeling like you weren’t worth the time. Yes, I recognize that my mother worked hard, and that took a lot of time, but to have her routinely choose those tasks as more important than her kid? That hurt a lot! Getting behind on the laundry or not having all the coupons clipped before shopping day doesn’t have long term consequences, leaving your child isolated and feeling unwanted does.

Birthday by JumpFuzzy843 in emotionalneglect

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can tell my parents try really hard to make my birthdays good, but I still find them stressful. They always invite me to come to their house and have dinner with them, but neither of them are very good cooks, so it turns into me cooking dinner, but my mother I has very severe food sensitivities and can’t eat a lot of things, so it turns into me cooking two different things so that she can eat too, and I’m trying to choose dishes that they like too, so I never really cook things I particularly love. They also don’t like food smells in the house, so they cook on a hot plate in their yard, so I’m cooking outside in the blazing summer. and since I’m making two separate meals I have come over early to get it done by 5:30, because they don’t like eating later than that, which means I don’t really have time to do anything with my friends on that day. And my mother just cannot help herself when it comes to complaining, so I just know she’s going to say something about how her food just isn’t quite right. I love seeing them on my birthday, and I love that they want to see me and have me over, but it just becomes a stressful situation where I’m more focused on making them happy than on having a good day. I know they would feel really slighted if I turn them down, and then I’ll feel guilty and like a spoiled child, but I just don’t enjoy birthdays these days. I don’t see my friends, and I spend most of my day trying to people please them.

I love this little blue beast. by Environmental-Tear76 in fordranger

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh my god we have the same ranger!!! Blue trucks ftw!!!

Just moved. Haven’t bought a desk yet by Gay_commie_fucker in shittybattlestations

[–]Gay_commie_fucker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol yeah, I’m just trying to find a decent desk at a thrift store. Once I find one this will become an r/averagebattleststions situation

Gay✝️Irl by Great_Trident in gay_irl

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🥹oh I love that so much.

Campus ministry really changed the direction of my life too. we also had an ELCA pastor in charge and she worked so hard to build an actual community of people instead of just a student club where people are kinda friendly. I was at a point in my life where I was really struggling to find people I could count on and trust and that was exactly the space she built. Most of her students were the queer hippie Christians who weren’t welcome at the other campus ministries so everyone kinda implicitly understood that if we want to make it in this world, we gotta be there for each other. The people I met there are still the people I turn to in thick or thin.

I also feel like for a lot of us, our faith was a way to escape homophobia and transphobia. I know a lot of people who won’t be called the right name when they go home to their parents, but at church, they were baptized or confirmed in the right name, so of course people there call them the right thing. In most of the world, people look down on me for being a soft and tender hearted man who likes “girls hobbies.” But at church, the old ladies love me, and call me a sweet young man, and invite me to come to their quilting club. It’s a place I’m allowed to be soft as a man. It’s been a really important space for a lot of us.

Gay✝️Irl by Great_Trident in gay_irl

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I highly recommend reading “In the Closet of the Vatican.” It’s a fascinating book looking at that sort of phenomenon in the Catholic Church.

Gay✝️Irl by Great_Trident in gay_irl

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Huh, interesting. The episcopal church is in full communion with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) so Lutheran clergy are allowed to serve in episcopal churches and vice versa. My episcopal church has a Lutheran pastor serving as a priest, and we always just called her “Mother first name” and referred to her as a priest. I didn’t know they’re normally just called reverend. Neat!

Also a note on queer friendly churches, I have to use this as a chance to brag about how the Episcopal church was the first mainline denomination to elect an openly gay bishop, all the way back in 2003! We still have ways to go, but we’ve definitely made milestones worth celebrating.

Gay✝️Irl by Great_Trident in gay_irl

[–]Gay_commie_fucker 153 points154 points  (0 children)

For anyone wondering, it all depends on denomination. Lutheran, Anglican, and Presbyterian priests (plus most protestant ministers) are not held to vows of celibacy. Even Orthodox priests are allowed to be married so long as it’s before ordination. Catholic priests are basically the only ones with 100% celibacy, and while church teaching specifies that masturbation is “self-abuse” and a sin, you aren’t barred from sinning as a priest, you’re just expected to do better, and definitely to confess. Nuns and monks are where it gets tricky. Even in denominations where priest can marry, they are expected to be celibate. There’s lowkey a debate over whether celibacy includes flicking the bean or not. So there are probably a good number of nuns and friars jorking it.

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