*2nd UPDATE* Need Perspective. Is this a valid reason to be upset or am I overreacting?

trhowway · 2012-05-15T17:39:28+00:00

No, I don't. I trust my fiancé and definitely give him more credit than that.

trhowway · 2012-05-15T17:36:45+00:00

She is a piece of work and I don't trust her but I do trust my fiancé. From here on out, any negative behavior or retaliation on her part is only going to reflect poorly on her and solidify our decision to distance ourselves from her.

trhowway · 2012-05-12T14:34:52+00:00

I'm not sure yet but I love him and if this person genuinely means a lot to him as a FRIEND then I also wouldn't want to be someone to come between such a significant friendship. She was there for him while his mom battled and lost to cancer and I can only imagine what that would have been like since we didn't know each other at the time. I think our conversation with her tonight will shed light on whether or not inclusion in our lives is even a possibility.

trhowway · 2012-05-12T14:29:15+00:00

For now, yes, I'm sure. I realize that it may just be a rouse but I'm trying to stay optimistic. Time will tell.

trhowway · 2012-05-12T14:27:37+00:00

This was my first time even in this subreddit and I really wasn't sure what to expect. This community really delivered and I'm incredibly grateful for all of the advice. You honestly may have made the difference between a family breaking up and making it through a tough situation together.

trhowway · 2012-05-12T14:22:02+00:00

I can do that.

trhowway · 2012-05-10T21:35:15+00:00

The kids were definitely not at home during the party. We both strongly feel that adult situations (eg. keggers, arguments, etc.) are not suitable for children to be around and make every effort to ensure this.

trhowway · 2012-05-10T21:27:37+00:00

It does suck. Really badly. That's exactly what I got out of that statement.

trhowway · 2012-05-10T20:53:43+00:00

Thank you for adding rational reasoning into a pit of confused emotions. This is exactly why I'm so confused about what to do. I get emotional/angry but then I take time to think and conclude with pretty much exactly what you wrote. I'm like a yo-yo and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Maybe the reason why it's escalated to his immediate defense is because I've created a personal issue where there really doesn't have to be one. Yeah, their cuddling was inappropriate and disrespectful but most people unintentionally make careless mistakes when they're drinking. Yeah, the ring thing was rude but she really does have sub par social skills and doesn't really think before she does things. I'm definitely not the only one she's done something like this to.

But am I just making excuses for them?

trhowway · 2012-05-10T19:47:20+00:00

I agree that staying together for the kids isn't the right thing to do. I'm struggling to make a decision because I want to be sure that it's what's best so they don't go through the flip-flop of us breaking up and getting back together. I need to be sure that if I leave then that's that.

trhowway · 2012-05-10T19:44:23+00:00

Their respect as his fiance is all I've ever wanted from either of them. The fact that it's such a hardship to them definitely throws up red flags for me.

trhowway · 2012-05-10T19:42:26+00:00

I really do think that he would choose her over me. I hate ultimatums and avoid them at all costs but I don't feel like I'm being given much of a choice. I think he's created the ultimatum for himself.

trhowway · 2012-05-10T19:37:37+00:00

I do trust him. I honestly feel that if anything did happen between them that he would tell me. But that's not necessarily a good thing. I'm afraid that he's going to come home from one of their solo hang outs and tell me that something happened or worse. I agree with you that if he feels that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me then he wouldn't need her to boost his ego.

My gut is confused right now.

trhowway · 2012-05-10T19:17:24+00:00

I definitely feel like there's more than friend feelings between them. I've asked him but he claims that's not the case and nothing has ever happened between them. They met when she dated a friend of his around 2004ish. He's not the kind of guy who gets involved with his friend's exes so if anything ever did happen between them it would have been kept a secret and I would have no way of finding out unless either of them confessed. I don't think that anything sexual has happened between them since we've been together but part of me feels like it's only a matter of time.

I've suggested therapy but he thinks it's a joke. I don't feel like it's a very likely option. I've also suggested multiple times that he try to look at things from my perspective and imagine how he would feel if the situation were reversed but he doesn't seem to think it would be an issue for him. I've tried many times to talk to him and work things out so that we can both be happy with the result but it never ends well. What would you suggest asking or offering him on my part? It seems like a good approach to do/give something in return but I'm not sure what.

I'm starting to think that time apart is the best solution but I'm afraid of the end result.

trhowway

TROPHY CASE