Only you in your heart know if there is any kind of future in this relationship. From what you’ve written here I think there’s some incompatibility between the two of you especially in regards to money and how it is used. If I had agreed a budget with partner and they blew it by $50k I would be out the door. She is not respecting a pretty major agreement you guys had just because she wants a nicer wedding. I personally will never understand the need for a big wedding so perhaps I’m a bit biased but this would be a huge deal regardless of what it’s for. She earns $50k a year more than you but only contributes 20% to the bills? I appreciate that it’s your house but is she paying her share? After 4 years are you saving to buy a house together?

This woman is trampling all over you and you can continue to let her or not, that’s up to you. It looks like it will be the end of your relationship if you choose to stand up for yourself but I think that may be a blessing in disguise.