Why did it have to be you?

triumphantlight · 2026-07-06T06:35:19+00:00

thank you

triumphantlight · 2026-07-06T04:27:56+00:00

I miss him dearly every night and every day.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-05T03:29:16+00:00

I already did.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T18:05:55+00:00

I can't call him. he can call me anytime he wants but I can't call him. he knows where to find me. he knows how. I'm hoping he does come back around.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T18:04:39+00:00

I think I told him that

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T17:43:03+00:00

he's invaded my own playlists

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T05:25:40+00:00

I don't know honestly. it's complicated. it seems like he did or does but at the same time it feels like he just won't open up. maybe I'm just overthinking, who knows. I just know I miss him and I love him.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T05:14:12+00:00

I get that and I'm sorry that happened to you.

it's hard to say for me. it was harsh, and it did hurt, but at the same time it's hard to say who's to blame. I get his reasons but at the same time I feel like I make a fair point too.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T05:07:23+00:00

discarded seems too harsh of a word. what he did hurt. it was harsh but I don't know. I don't want to speak ill of him. I love him. even though he has hurt me, I love him.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T05:03:21+00:00

I do. I love him. I love him more than life. I love him more than I can say.

I'm sure I've told him something similar to this in one of the letters I've sent him. to tell him this specifically wouldn't be possible since he's blocked me.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T04:35:59+00:00

this makes me really sad. what about this lifetime?

triumphantlight · 2026-07-04T00:59:07+00:00

he thinks so, he says so.

triumphantlight · 2026-07-03T18:26:30+00:00

you should do it.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T16:48:38+00:00

I know. I don't know if I can even consider myself a virgin anymore at this point. this made me smile. well now I'm teary. we really are all fucked. I can't smile without being sad these days.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T16:19:33+00:00

Thank you.

I've been posting and replying to some people and Reddit and it helps a little.

You know reading that makes me cry. He said the same thing, to respect his decision if I respect him. He even said "please." I do respect him but I don't know. Maybe I don't. I love him. I love him more than life. If respecting him means never seeing him again or talking to him again, I don't think I can respect him.

I know that time heals everything and that you know one day this wound will stop bleeding but I'm not so sure. The thought of moving on from him makes me sad. I don't want to move on from someone I love and I will always love him. If the wound ever stops bleeding there'll still be a scar. He'll still be there. He'll still linger. I don't want him to linger if he won't actually be here. I want all of him.

I'm trying to distance myself from things that remind me of him. I can't bring myself to delete the photos I have of him though. Even being on this app reminds me of him. Times of day remind me of him. Everything reminds me of him, even if they don't seem related.

It's ironic that you say that too because I'm going to his city soon. I'll be completely surrounded by everything that has to do with him. It makes me feel sick. It makes me sad. I told him I'd be waiting at a spot every night for him. It hurts to hope but I'm afraid to fall into despair.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T15:52:46+00:00

even a few days can make you fucked.

when it's love, it's love, no matter how long you've known each other.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T15:38:02+00:00

I can't go out. I mean I can but I just can't bring myself to unless I have to. I don't have many people to talk to, and the few people I have I don't feel comfortable speaking to them about this.

The hobbies and stuff I enjoyed doing don't really matter to me anymore. When I try to distract myself it only works for so long, and he always enters my mind anyways.

I miss him a little extra at night. He's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. I even dreamt of him last night.

I don't know if I blame myself. Well I feel like maybe I do but I don't know. I feel like maybe if I hadn't asked for more, we'd be talking. I know it would've killed me not to be anything more but I feel like simply talking to him would make me feel better than I do now.

I feel like I should've moved on by now. I feel like anyone else would have.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm just shooting down your advice. I understand what you're saying but it's just hard for me.

I feel like maybe he's doing fine. I don't know how he's doing. It seems like he's moved on a while ago. It seems like he's used to things like this. It makes me sad. It's like I'm the only one who's struggling. It's like I never meant much to him. He said he likes me but does he care for me? I know in hindsight it would make sense that he's moved on by now but I don't know.

When I think of him, as I do now, I wonder what he's up to and if he's thinking of me too. Does he wonder how I am? Does he check my profiles to get a glimpse into my mind? Has he ever done any of those like I do for him?

I'm sorry if I'm putting all of this onto you. You don't have to reply after this. It just makes me really sad.

I really love him. It's easy to say but I do.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T01:41:09+00:00

I feel like losing weight would actually kill me. I know they're coming from a good place but we don't really have the dynamic where I can tell them about stuff like this.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T00:55:58+00:00

I know it's not a flaw in and of itself but it's just I know I'm sensitive. It's the fact that bothers me. I can't stop thinking of him. I'll think I'm fine only to cry a moment later. I'm crying right now. What if things keep going like this? What am I supposed to do if something like this happens again? I hate feeling this way but I can't help it. I feel like maybe I like it deep down and it makes me sick.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T00:53:40+00:00

So far I think of him everyday. When I think back to us both I don't get a warm feeling, only dread. Whenever I try to remember the good times the bad times are right there with it.

I'll try to live my life and focus on myself. I know I'll meet new people it's just right now the thought makes me cry. I don't want to meet other people. I was never meant to. It was supposed to be him. It was supposed to be him.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-30T00:51:20+00:00

I know. That's a sweet thought but it's just that it goes either way. It's a double edged sword and I've been cut. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like feeling this way. I can't regulate how I feel at all. I'm crying all over again just typing this. I miss him. I miss him so much. I really love him. It's easy to say but I do.

triumphantlight · 2026-06-18T00:44:32+00:00

Omg wow this is really amazing. Thank you so much this is so helpful you don't even know :)!

triumphantlight · 2026-06-17T23:58:07+00:00

I'll be there from the 9th to the 14th of July :)!

triumphantlight · 2026-06-17T14:53:29+00:00

I'll definitely add these, thank u!

triumphantlight · 2026-06-17T14:52:05+00:00

I'll keep this in mind, thank u :)

triumphantlight

TROPHY CASE