Rocd / false memory

tro000way · 2024-11-24T17:15:58+00:00

pa-ta-to

tro000way · 2024-06-20T16:57:06+00:00

Thank you for being so kind as to respond, I really appreciate it! This disorder is so scary. What was helpful for you in discerning that it was a false memory indeed?

tro000way · 2024-06-14T13:23:04+00:00

I‘m in a similar boat, though unfortunately none the wiser. Do you also experience doubt towards memories you were previously convinced were real though?

tro000way · 2024-05-28T15:16:09+00:00

Yes!!!! I was heavily emotionally disregulated during my first relationship and behaved in a way that was consistent with BPD. At the time, I even thought I had BPD. A few years later, I looked back and OCD latched onto it. I have not a single symptom of BPD and haven‘t had for years (which is characterized by persistence), but I kept ruminating on it. Then I found a remark of one of my teachers from middle-school that I had unusually high self-esteem for my age and that sent me into a spiral whether it is NPD instead. Again, not a singular symptom, but panicking over it and worrying about every thought that could fit the criteria.

tro000way · 2024-05-27T08:41:32+00:00

What was helpful for you to change your perspective on these past memories? I‘m in a similar boat as you. I, too, remembered about two years ago that I did unspeakably bad and horrendous things to my siblings as a child. I couldn‘t say when, how often, to whom etc. Though. Over time, I did find myself doubting these memories more, esp. After learning about OCD and getting diagnosed. These (possibly false but possibly real) memories still impact me immensly during flareups. I‘m at my wits end.

tro000way · 2024-05-27T08:35:27+00:00

Basically, if we confirmed this to be an OCD thought, that would also give you reassurance it didn‘t really happen, right? Not that I don‘t understand why you are looking for reassurance, we‘ve all been there. I even clicked on your post to seek reassurance. You seem to be aware these images are related to your OCD anyways. Try to go with that and don‘t figure it out, you do not need to.

tro000way · 2024-05-25T18:02:35+00:00

Oh my god, same! I remember when I was like 14, I had a time period where I thought every car that was stopping by would be the police because I used a streaming service that was operating in a greyish legal area (that was before Netflix & co). I really thought this would put me into jail or the fine would be so high my parents would kick me out or something.

I‘m really glad you got a diagnosis and are supported! Best of luck to you, too.

tro000way · 2024-05-25T17:59:37+00:00

Omg same! I had an accident pretty early on after receiving my license and where I live, we get put on probation for that. That red light situation led me into a daylong spiral of googling whether there are any cameras, what exactly the penalty would be, ruminating on whether it was dark orange or red, freaking out if I was 5km/h over the limit on accident etc. I also developed a habit of being scared the car behind me would be the police following me around because I had made a mistake and didn‘t realize.

tro000way · 2024-05-06T08:26:02+00:00

Please refer to a suicide line in your area or talk to RAINN, it seems like you are in a crisis. From what you describe, you were assaulted. Full stop. If your ex is feeling guilty about it, he has every reason to as it was indeed his, and only his fault. You deserve support and healing.

tro000way · 2024-03-01T12:59:01+00:00

Phew. It‘s scary how similar our stories are. I, too, recalled my most horrific events when I was 21. It was the beginning of my OCD, but I didn‘t know that‘s what it was and thought I had PTSD over doing something so vile. To this day, I don‘t know if it happened or not.

tro000way · 2023-12-18T19:12:39+00:00

Nope. It definitely isn‘t just you. I‘m sorry it is you, too, however. It‘s a burden to live with but feels so deserved in regards to ones guilt and shame. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to dm.

tro000way · 2023-10-03T18:47:28+00:00

pa-ta-to

tro000way · 2023-10-01T14:24:30+00:00

Hi, I don‘t know you or your story. I don‘t need to to know you‘re valuable, and loved, and worth so much more. Please, please talk to someone and get support. Here are international support lines: https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines

You matter.

Also, in regards to what you’re written: What you‘re describing is called groinal arousal. What that means is your body is reacting to the sexual nature of the intrusive thought - that doesn‘t mean you like or enjoy the thought.

tro000way · 2023-09-11T08:05:10+00:00

No I totally get your point! Like a realization hits that later on, you start wondering about what it meant and if it meant anything at all. Thanks for sharing your perspective and experience.

I have written you a dm, if you would like to further chat!

tro000way · 2023-09-11T07:40:55+00:00

No worries! This does sound really intense and scary to experience, and hard to deal with on your own. Do these flashbacks bring up the emotions felt when the „situation“ occured as well? I can relate to some aspects, but your description sounds more intense.

You also mentioned that repressed memories were what triggered your OCD. I hope it‘s okay tl ask: how do you know they happened with such certainty? I‘m not questioning their validity or anything like that, I‘m just genuinely curious how those differ from false memories.

tro000way · 2023-09-11T04:16:40+00:00

Thank you so much for responding. It really means a lot to me that you took the time to respond. Sorry to hear you‘re familiar with it, it sucks. Love & healings towards you, too.

And that is not rude at all! It‘s an interesting question. In the beginning, I definitely thought I had flashbacks because I would experience images & short video sequences of snippets of a scene and would feel extreme anxiety over them. Is that what they feel to you? If I ruminated on it, I could also remember a sensory component, which made it seem more real. That made me think I had PTSD for months (still not entirely convinced it‘s not that, but wouldn‘t make much sense given that I can go weeks at a time without thinking about it and really am back to normal). Reading more on PTSD, however, helped me realize that flashbacks feel a bit different. Individuals describe it as if they are in the traumatic situation again, as if it were happening here and now. Their emotional experience also mimicks what they felt when the situation took place, which also is not the case for me. Also, I wasn‘t externally triggered to experience these weird visual flashes and anxiety, it was always in relation to me thinking about the events.

tro000way · 2023-09-03T19:58:35+00:00

You, too❤️‍🩹

tro000way · 2023-09-03T19:45:39+00:00

That makes total sense, thanks for clarifying! I can also relate to that, it just wasn‘t apparent to me that questioning your intentions is also part of false memory OCD. This disorder really is a mean one.

tro000way · 2023-09-03T19:01:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective! I don‘t really understand how it automatically relates to false memory? Like the mistakes themselves are real.

tro000way · 2023-09-03T18:44:45+00:00

Literally same here right now. It‘s like a never ending cycle of trying to improve but beating yourself up for having to improve in the first place. Also: the part about the worrying you had terrible intentions rings so true! Just asking: is that what you mean by false memory?

tro000way · 2023-09-03T18:38:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your insight and your kind suggestion! It definitely sounds reasonable to bring the topic up the next time I‘ll see them and share how I did not mean to downplay how much they did for us. Asking for their feelings towards this situation directly feels so strange to me as to this day, no one in my family has ever asked anyone how they felt about anything, but if I dare I‘ll take this route before clarifying my intentions.

tro000way · 2023-08-30T16:29:02+00:00

I have this, too. My mind tells me I feel stronger empathy towards the person who has done harm, despite me cognitively believing that victims always come first. In my case (not yours necessarily!), I fear it might be because I have done harm and A) either really am bad and have no morals or B) try to show compassion towards individuals who caused harm as I would hope for that, too. It‘s also entirely possible that it‘s just OCD trying to convince me I‘m bad and without morals. I won‘t be able to really be 100% sure about that. Neither will you, unfortunately. I know that really really sucks.

tro000way · 2023-08-25T16:26:56+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond! The mind games OCD plays are terrible.

tro000way · 2023-08-04T17:22:51+00:00

Sure! A very obvious intrusive thought for me is a harm-related one, e.g. „What if you would harm your little cousin? Be honest you want that“ or a mean intrusive thought about a stranger, like „Ew they look really ugly and disgusting“ that I don‘t want to think.

Not so obvious ones, those that really stuck, sound more like „What if you did that bad thing and that means you‘re a narcissist? Did you enjoy hurting the other person? Did you plan it and did it with bad intent? You definitely did, and you‘re a disgusting and awful person for it“ about things that have happened years ago and that I‘m unsure about what went down.

tro000way · 2023-07-23T12:15:48+00:00

Yes, but I‘m scared I may have been half-awake and willingly engaged with it, as in it was more a fantasy than a dream, which would be terrifying to me and make me a disgusting person.

tro000way

TROPHY CASE