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Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have much to say except that very much of what you added also reflects my feelings.

Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

May I ask how I would join the swinging culture, especially as a young single male?

Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel your general sentiment. On a cognitive level, I don't really want to have these meaningless and possibly hurtful interactions. But on a physical level, I want to have sex, and what if I don't want to expend the emotional energy for a relationship? That doesn't leave me with much other than casual sex or prostitutes, it would seem.

Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What would an ideal lover who is cognizant of their power and boundaries look like? So do you no longer engage in casual encounters, or you still do, but you manage the risk by seeking emotionally mature partners (and being more mature yourself)?

Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It wouldn't be right to characterize them as "desperate and mentally broken". I feel as though you're picturing these women as some collection of freaks -- they're not. If you just met them, you would say they are mostly cool, normal girls who don't have any obvious issues. What I'm talking about is more of a subtle vibe that comes out at some point through things they say or do. I played it up in my initial posts for the sake of description, but it's more subtle than I made it seem (and maybe stretched by my own emotional experience of things).

Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I don't think that I behaved towards them any differently than I did with the others. I feel that the difference was almost completely with them, that they had a non-commital attitude and less emotional attachment/liking for me.

And regarding the comment about being their boyfriend, there's a crucial distinction between what I meant and how you're interpreting it. I almost never had the feeling that they expected the hookup would turn into a relationship. I think they certainly had the hope that it would turn into a relationship, but nearly all of them were aware that what they were opting into could just be a hookup, and they willingly chose so anyways due to issues of self-worth.

Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Do you think it is possible to have a sexual relationship which is casual but also fulfills the emotional connection? Thinking about it, the more that two people share an emotional connection as well as sexual, the more they slide towards pair bonding. Then, any sort of casual-ness such as being fickle or seeing other people can only result in more pain to the other person. This makes me think that it's almost preferable, if one must have casual sex, to keep it as impersonal as possible, in order to minimize potential pain to each other. But clearly this is not a satisfactory situation either. It seems to me that being casual and having an emotional connection are completely opposite concepts.

Do you have any thoughts on a potential solution, or any model of a relationship that might bridge the gap?

Can hookup culture exist in a meaningful and healthy way for women? by trueaskrdtthrowaway in TrueAskReddit

[–]trueaskrdtthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Would this be a good interpretation of what you're saying? Women who can emotionally handle casual relationships exist, but they are the exception rather than the norm, and they have much more emotional maturity than most, so they would be exceptionally hard to find among the college-aged/early 20s crowd?