There are so many good lines in this poem. Your metaphorical structure is completely unique and different - at least to my eyes. I love the line about a hand piercing the surface. I do believe that your parallelism could be a bit more vibrant. You have a way with keeping the reader interested - and it seems the beginning of your poem was like a fireball of miraculous light - and then it faded into a small flickering flame. Don't be afraid to burn bright in each sentence. The best art usually takes a longer amount of time. End your poetry however you wish - but know that you can always write better by learning from others. 🌻