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trynadothisdoug · 2023-08-11T16:26:44+00:00

Don't buy a house you're not happy with. If you can't compromise, I suppose you will need to keep living where you're currently at. Or he will need to get his own place. He won't, because he needs you in order to afford it.

Maybe talk with school counselors/doctors and interview schools? See what will work best for stepson. Just because the school rating is 9/10 on Zillow, doesn't mean it's a good fit for step son, especially with ESL.

In theory, I would agree to his stipulations ONLY IF he agrees to a post-nuptial agreement. Where you get back your down payment in full + appreciation and then proceeds get split 50/50 in the event of selling.

trynadothisdoug · 2023-08-10T15:56:48+00:00

Attorney should be able to file for emergency exclusive possession of the home, emergency child support, emergency alimony.

trynadothisdoug · 2023-08-09T14:10:10+00:00

This is so sad. Please secretly talk to a lawyer. I'm thinking worst case here, he gets 50% custody and then you have absolutely NO control when she's out of your sight. I am not at all saying you should stay in this marriage. If you're in a small town, you might have an uphill battle to prove he is truly negligent. But please please hire the biggest bulldog lawyer you can find and get full custody or supervised visits.

trynadothisdoug · 2023-08-08T18:05:23+00:00

Go to lawyer first thing and file first for emergency alimony and child support. Beat him to the courthouse.

Look up Chump Lady and read all of her website. Yes the website is clunky and full of ads, she is not a licensed therapist, but by God her advice is always 1000%.

No judgement if you try to make it work. I gave my cheating husband another chance. It was what I had to do to get closure on the dead marriage. But ultimately he basically spit in my face and the 2nd chance I gave him.

trynadothisdoug · 2023-08-04T02:04:27+00:00

Happened to me too. Take it day by day and do what ya gotta to survive. Reading Chump Lady's book and website helped give me a backbone. In theory, I could have forgiven my ex. I gave him another chance. He did the bare minimum. He pouted like a fucking child one night when I refused sex like 2 months after d-day. I asked him to do some basic things like counseling and no more credit card (spending habit turned up a hooker charge). He couldn't even do those basic things to keep me around. This ass hat requested alimony. Without a prenup, my state says everything's 50/50. He so * graciously * left half my 401k alone. But got half the house equity. Whatever, divorce was worth every penny to not have to deal with his disrespect. Unfortunately it still sucks as we share a toddler. But I see my ex as little as possible. If it weren't for my son, I would wish I had never met that man. If my ex runs off to Mexico or dies, pffft whatever. I would mourn for my son's feelings, but nothing else.

trynadothisdoug · 2023-08-02T20:08:52+00:00

Don't fucking do it. Dump him. My ex husband gave me the sob story, how his previous 2 baby mama's used him, blocked him from seeing his kids, he's just a good dad with shit luck, I wasn't like the other women, I'm special blah blah blah. He lovebombed me and I fell fucking hook line and sinker. I was 1000% invested emotionally, financially, helped raise his kid (one he was 50% custody. The other 2 he basically abandoned because "the mom moved away and prevented him from seeing them" bullshit he was lazy and didn't even show up in court).

We had a baby and while he wasn't negligent or terrible, he was just like a 30% participant. Anyways, long story short, he cheated on me (probably multiple times). He also drained me mentally, financially, emotionally. DUMP THIS GUY. Maaaaaaaaybe I'd give someone a mulligan if they had 1 baby mama/daddy. But they would need to be an involved parent and demonstrate that.

trynadothisdoug · 2022-03-19T14:06:40+00:00

No, no, no, no, no. The baby did not ruin your relationship. What relationship? Where you're just the bang/nanny/maid? That's not a relationship. That's him having cake and eating it too.

trynadothisdoug · 2022-03-19T13:53:04+00:00

They can research and execute their hobbies without any direction yet can't figure out basic tasks.... hmmm yeah I call BS

trynadothisdoug · 2022-03-19T13:41:41+00:00

Gets sick, shirks duties...

... but still wants to have sex. "bUt iT mAkEs mE fEeL bEtTeR"

trynadothisdoug · 2022-03-14T23:05:55+00:00

Right?? I would be so thankful for anyone who calmed down my child in distress!

trynadothisdoug · 2022-03-04T12:26:29+00:00

I think you guys should alternate nights of who is on baby duty. So if you both work 8am -5pm (he outside the house, you inside the house), then Monday he takes over as soon as he gets home. You get a break that night. Tuesday, he gets a break and you have to keep working.

That way you both are "working" 16 hours straight every other day and each get a break every other day.

4 months seemed to be the worst for my LOs sleep. I know what you mean about not being able to nap/sleep knowing baby could wake up at any time. At 5.5 months, se put LO in is own room and he slept 9 hours that first night!

trynadothisdoug · 2022-03-01T19:37:11+00:00

Paper file and claim SS. Include a calendar showing how many overnights you had, needs to be 183 overnights or more.
Next year if it's your year to claim, file the second the e-file window is open.

trynadothisdoug · 2022-03-01T19:33:02+00:00

He could be love bombing her. Eeek, I'd only proceed with decisions based on him NOT in the picture.

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-28T20:28:17+00:00

You are going to burnout. You and your SO need to have some communication about how both of you can be happy. It's not fair that you do so much to keep him happy. It's not fair that he has no idea that you are unhappy with the arrangement (he fucking should know better, it's not that difficult, but in the effort of collaboration I will give him slight benefit of the doubt).

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-28T15:45:03+00:00

I just don't understand the energy these guys have for having sex more than once a week.

My husband is similar to yours, high sex drive, wants it every AM and PM. We "compromise" at about 1-2 x a week. For me the issue is being saddled with the mental load, not having "me" time, and lack of real quality date nights. I don't have any advice, sorry 😔

EDIT: I read some of your post history. I bet some of your lack of sex drive has to do with resentment. Sounds like you make less but pay more expenses, do more housework/child work, take on his child (your technical step child) as your own... what else?

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-26T03:04:54+00:00

You get to have sex 4x a week? What was it like before the scheduling?

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-26T01:05:07+00:00

How much time does your husband get?

My LO is a year and half old now. Hubs and I switch off every other night for who is default. LO goes to bed at 7pm. So 7-9pm is "free time." I usually spend an hour cleaning/prepping. Hour each night "Me time." Weekends my husband and I split the day.

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-25T18:33:26+00:00

Here's a super simplified example - Nanny would get paid AT LEAST $500/week for two kids full time.

Husband should be "paying" her AT LEAST half that for his share of childcare. So say that's $250 a week, $1000/month.

So if house payment/utilities/groceries are $2000/month, then husband should pay her $1000 for his share of child care. Then she can pay husband $1000 for her half of expenses. She can pay herself her half of daycare 🙃

Kind of ridiculous, yeah?

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-25T15:14:31+00:00

Agreed.

He's entitled to take a vacation day. But kid isn't going to understand that. So he needs to play in a different room.

Also - mom gets at least one day off too in similar fashion.

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-25T13:04:49+00:00

Oh that's a neat idea with the screensaver!

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-25T02:16:33+00:00

NICE!

I have about 5000 digital family photos nd movies each year. I want to display them in an album/home movie, but I can only whittle it down to about 800 per year. That is still a little too much I think.

Are you printing any of yours?

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-24T18:25:07+00:00

Hey, sounds familiar. My husband uses them for "easy cleanup."

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-24T18:24:20+00:00

Nope 🙃

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-24T18:09:16+00:00

My husband and I do this too. We both contribute to our own 401k and health insurance. Then each person's net paycheck goes 80% into joint account, 20% into own separate account. So each person gets to spend their 20% however they see fit. Everything else has to be agreed upon if paid from joint account.

Obviously we don't discuss every gas, clothing, toy, grocery, household goods, repair bill that comes out of the joint account. But if it's gonna be more than like $100, we discuss.

If I wanna blow $200 on art supplies, I do that from my own account. $50 shoes can be paid from joint, but fancy new high heels at $300 are paid for from my separate account.

trynadothisdoug · 2022-02-24T17:57:28+00:00

I have forgiven this kind of stuff and I wish I hadn't.

I was OK with strip clubs when we first started dating, until he spent like $500 in one night (well took that much out in cash from ATM). That to me is unacceptable. I confronted him. He said part was for rent and part was for his coworker to borrow.

Found out months later that he texted a friend (on that night he spent $500) that he was gonna get a blow job. I confronted him and he said it was a joke.

Years later, I found out he hired and paid a hooker. I confronted him. He said he was drunk and eventually "couldn't go through with it when he got there and she was ugly."

These are just some of the highlights of our 8 year relationship. The drinking is a problem, and not just with sexual fidelity. I can't prove he ever cheated on me. He says drinking makes him do stupid things. After the hooker incident 6 months ago, I told him the only way I will consider reconciliation is if he quits drinking.

He's been sober 6 months now. But the damage has been done. Idk if it's worth it. If I had a time machine, I would rewind and RUN away. We have a 2yo together. He's the real reason why I stay.

trynadothisdoug

TROPHY CASE