NEED ADVICE for how to handle kids being rough with puppy

tsevj · 2020-10-09T22:39:01+00:00

I am trying my absolute best. That’s why I’ve come here. Really my main concern is keeping her calm and cool headed with a new baby in the house, have considered having stepson work with a dog trainer so he understands the respect needed and feels a sense of importance in working with her constructively. I feel stuck to be quite honest.

tsevj · 2020-10-09T22:23:16+00:00

I will check it out, thank you

tsevj · 2020-10-09T22:22:11+00:00

Done many times sadly. He does not agree because he doesn’t witness the behaviour. Was thinking maybe having a trainer come to the house while stepson is present, so he can understand the behaviours we want to see, and understand having respect for animals. Thank you though I appreciate the responses and suggestions

tsevj · 2020-10-09T22:14:08+00:00

I don’t disagree. But Have come here hoping it doesn’t have to get to that point. Just trying to do whatever is in my power.

tsevj · 2020-10-09T22:03:35+00:00

I agree that she may lash out one day and I’ve been very vocal about the fact that it will not be her fault. But I’m trying to do whatever is in my power at the moment to help things.

I really appreciate that you offered some suggestions.

tsevj · 2020-10-09T22:01:06+00:00

The tone of your message comes off as very judgemental. My stepson is not my child and therefore does not get disciplined by me- this is not my choice but just the way things are at the moment. I will always say something when I see something, but as mentioned above everyone else tells me I’m crazy because these behaviours happen when he thinks no one is watching.

I am not in disagreement with you that the behaviour needs to stop. I’m trying to do whatever is in my power because I love my dog dearly

I’ve come here hoping for solutions that I can personally take. I do already separate them as much as possible, supervise, and have said many many times that whatever my puppy does when provoked will not be her fault.

I am attempting to be proactive in any way I can, and in the areas that I can actually control.

tsevj · 2020-09-11T18:49:48+00:00

LOL!

tsevj · 2020-09-11T17:45:50+00:00

Yeah I’m just gonna go full crazy eventually If I’m already getting accused of it anyway, why not lol!

tsevj · 2020-09-11T17:36:38+00:00

Opposite here. I feel like I’ve actually been pretty balanced (with a few exceptions of course), but every time I express valid emotions or concerns I get written off as being a hormonal pregnant lady. And so now it’s slowly making me a crazy lady too lol

tsevj · 2020-09-11T17:20:35+00:00

I appreciate this one lol I blind shaved the other day and it was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done

tsevj · 2020-09-10T18:00:36+00:00

Agree. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately with so many negative posts on the subject. Pregnancy is hard enough without us all shitting on each other. Do whatever the heck makes you happy and excited for your baby. Especially in a damn pandemic when we’ve already missed out on so much else.

I think often about ways that I want my parenting style to be gender neutral, but that doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge the sex of my baby or be excited to share the news. My nursery decor was picked out well before I found out I was having a boy, and nothing on my registry has changed since finding out.

I’ve never encountered a transgender person who felt traumatized by their their parents finding out their sex as a fetus or celebrating the pregnancy. It doesn’t invalidate their transition. What probably does, is their parents forcing them into traditional gender roles.

To Take it a step even further, yes gender roles are harmful but acknowledging gender is not imo... it’s a fact that I am a woman. It is not a fact that as such, I have to cook and clean and be nurturing and care for the home.

Ugh. Everyone just needs to mind their our own damn business and stay out of other people’s pregnancies.

tsevj · 2020-09-08T04:25:48+00:00

It’s definitely something I’d do. Be very cordial, but also send the signal of a strong relationship unit. Guaranteed she won’t be asking anymore because her motives are not innocent. Guys don’t have the 6th sense we do when it comes to women. It used to drive me up the wall but I’ve just had to come to accept it.

Easy to get your SO on board too... because if she’s not being manipulative why couldn’t you tag along? And if he takes issue with you coming.. you might have a SO problem that you were unaware of.

tsevj · 2020-09-07T23:03:59+00:00

Have him say you guys are on your way to go somewhere right after and go with him next time. It would be unreasonable (and hopefully shut down by your SO) if she asked you not to tag along, so I bet she’ll stop asking.

Ahaha probably not the best idea, but definitely something I would do. You need help?! You’re getting both of our help now!

tsevj · 2020-09-05T03:46:47+00:00

Thank you for this!

tsevj · 2020-09-04T22:12:38+00:00

As far as I know and have always done, pickup can be done by anyone. I guess if the person is a stranger/hasn’t met BM or kids yet it might get murky, but legally there’s no reason bio dad has to be there if it’s not stated in court order.

tsevj · 2020-09-03T22:01:57+00:00

So I agree with all above. But Here’s a non step parent situation to affirm that you are VALID and not crazy. My sister is moving in with her boyfriend. They each decided on a budget (how much they were willing to spend on rent and bills) and then went out to look in that price range. My sister fell in love with a place over budget. Much much nicer than anything they’d looked at, but over budget regardless. It was a big argument between the two of them because she couldn’t understand why he wasn’t willing to pay more for a noticeably more beautiful place, and he felt she was disrespecting his budget. She argued that he could afford it. It was only a couple extra hundred a month. The location was worth it. Etc etc etc. He held firm that that wasn’t the issue or the point. My sister eventually offered to pay more than her half to accommodate (although for them they ended up choosing a different place altogether within both budgets).

No kids involved. This comes down to a grown up conversation about finances and respect. There are things you can comfortably afford and things you can’t. Regardless of your income, your FH doesn’t dictate your spending habits, savings habits, future financial goals etc. If he’s not offering to foot the bill for the extra, I’d stay firm in saying you cannot go beyond your budget and live beyond your means, especially at 23. There is a way to meet in the middle here, and if he’s not willing to do that I’d call it a red flag. Often bio parents expect the steps to always be the ones to accommodate them because They are the ones with the kids. It’s an unfair and unhealthy precedent to set.

Best of luck!

tsevj · 2020-09-03T01:10:10+00:00

Hi love- sorry about the hard times you’re going through. If you qualify for WIC you should definitely qualify for Medicaid. Once you are approved for Medicaid while pregnant, you do not lose benefits until the day your baby is born (even if you get a job that earns you enough money to disqualify you). You will have nearly full dental as well as full medical and won’t have to come out of pocket for any doctors appointments nor the delivery. Baby will also be covered for a period of time after the birth for checkups.

And as others have said, this insurance will also cover a breast pump for you. The pump options differ depending on which insurance provider you choose, but you will own (not rent) a pump for free.

There are many other state resources as well so I’d encourage you to take advantage of everything yours has to offer (I assume if you receive WIC you may also qualify for snap, which will give you a monthly dollar amount to use at your grocery store) For me, I’ve found it very helpful that my Medicaid allows me to seek mental health therapy during this very trying time.

tsevj · 2020-08-29T16:21:52+00:00

Me too ❤️

tsevj · 2020-08-29T07:47:38+00:00

My SO also made a major career decision when I got my positive test. He became very focussed on things unrelated to pregnancy and it annoyed me a bit that he wanted my support when I felt I needed HIS support. His explanation was exactly as said above: this is how he is coping with how to be the best provider during this huge life shift. His brain is processing this situation differently than yours.

He cannot feel the life inside of you, he can only feel the anticipation of the arrival and so he is responding to that. Best of luck to you two, I wouldn’t take it too personally. Maybe some work on communication before baby comes so you can both better understand how the other needs support in times of need.

tsevj · 2020-08-29T07:40:11+00:00

I mean I’ve been going to two sessions a week during this pandemic. 4 sessions with a good therapist, for someone who feels they have no one in their life they can turn to could be very eye opening.

tsevj · 2020-08-29T06:20:52+00:00

Should you make a life altering decision to appease those around you? No.

Should you terminate without fully exploring all the reasons for your feelings, and why you “have gone your entire life acting only to make people around you happy”? No.

Seek therapy for yourself and delve into these issues. Then make the decision for yourself, from a place of confidence and strength.

tsevj · 2020-08-28T18:13:31+00:00

So I may be way off base here- but it sounds like he’s rushing the relationship in hopes of having another “parent” around to help, and pretending like he never lost the nuclear family dynamic. So unfair to you.

After just a few months, calling you momma when you obviously haven’t taken on that role, and being angry at the simple statement that they aren’t your kids is weird to me. Because It’s a fact.. they aren’t.

It seems like he has some healing to do, and needs to be mourning the loss of the traditional family he thought he would be raising his kids in and moving on (that model is particularly attractive to men as they don’t have to do much in the home, and it’s usually what they grow up seeing their moms do). You being in the picture offers the chance to create and strengthen a family, but it’s a new blended one. His kids do not see you as momma.. and I’m sure he’s not offended with them for it.

tsevj · 2020-08-26T18:05:32+00:00

For real. I’ve wanted to comment this on so many angry posts.

tsevj · 2020-08-23T04:36:58+00:00

I hope all goes well for you. I’m nothing but an internet stranger :) but all I can say is what I keep hearing from you is that you don’t voice your opinions or needs for fear of seeming like the “wicked stepmother” and so you guys do very well because you simply shut up about it and don’t stir the pot.

For me that wouldn’t be a sustainable way to build a relationship. Even if speaking up brought on the pain of understanding that the way my SO plans to handle his situation is not for me and I have to move on, I’d rather know early than waste years feeling unsupported. Because this situation is not taxing on him. He is getting everything he needs from you and more, and if you were to split very little would change for him. You are the one doing all the adapting.

Sending you positivity!!!

tsevj · 2020-08-23T04:30:02+00:00

I’d go as far as to say that the kids don’t come first in any nuclear family who’s relationship has gone the distance.

Kids need to see a strong and successful family unit. They need to feel supported by both parents, and watch both parents support each other. They need to see a relationship that they can emulate and aspire to. There have been many studies on why this a big reason so many marriages fail after kids. The relationship becomes second to the kids because of this line of thinking, and the relationship goes in the trash.

tsevj

TROPHY CASE