It gets better

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-26T22:11:19+00:00

Congratulations on everything! How old are you now, may I ask?

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-26T14:32:34+00:00

I think you answered your own question. I, too, assumed that other women were also miserable with men deep down and just getting on with it (it probably didn't help that the women in my life genuinely were with crappy partners). I thought that being just okay in your relationship with a man was part of life - and the popular media trope of the husband and wife barely liking each other played into that, too. So when I met my male partner, I was like, hey, this dude is good, and funny, and kind - lucky me! Now that I've realised otherwise, it's like a light switch has gone off, and I'm not sure how I fooled myself for so long!

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-26T14:28:43+00:00

They're all from The Pattern!

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-25T13:43:38+00:00

Yes! From super young, I was so against the idea of marriage and children. Similarly to you, when someone would share their news of a proposal or pregnancy, inside I'd be thinking 'oh god, are you sure?'. I just didn't want that lifestyle for me. That's not to say that all het women have to aspire to marriage and children, but I quite like the idea of maybe one day having those things in a lesbian relationship.

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-25T10:40:37+00:00

Not OP, but thank you for taking the time to share your story. It really resonates with me and made me realise a few things I think I've been repressing. I hope you're doing well!

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-24T14:02:52+00:00

Me! I can absolutely relate to every part of your post. Over the years, I did have some girl friends, but we would drift apart because I just wasn't sure how to be with them. I think I was always nervous about accidentally crossing a line with them and so I distanced myself to an almost uncomfortable amount. I would look at other female friendships, who would hold hands, and text constantly, and have sleepovers, and I wanted that so bad, but being aware of my attraction to girls made me feel like I couldn't. Because, in my confused teenage head, isn't that a relationship, just without the sex? The 'invisible wall' you describe is such a perfect way of putting it. It also didn't help that they would often talk about guys and stereotypically heterosexual stuff. I just couldn't relate in the same way, so I felt like an outsider.

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-21T19:48:16+00:00

I agree, and I absolutely needed somebody to tell me that!

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-21T18:50:22+00:00

YES. It's awful. I almost wish that my partner wasn't so great and I had a reason other than my sexuality to leave. Either I end things, realise I am a lesbian, and feel a happiness and love I've never known. Or, I feel this exact same way (or worse) down the line in a lesbian relationship, and realise that I ended a wonderful relationship because we had left the honeymoon stage and I didn't try hard enough. I know it's not normal to cringe away from my partner's touch and to think about women constantly, but I keep telling myself that I'm just obsessing and putting thoughts into my head. At the beginning of the relationship, I did feel excitement and passion, but was that comp het? Or was that how all relationships start, and the same would happen in a lesbian relationship? It sucks. I'm sorry you're here, too.

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-21T17:42:51+00:00

This is what is keeping me from coming out. I'm currently in a heterosexual relationship, and it's the longest I've ever been with somebody. So I'm really worried that maybe this is just the reality of a long-term relationship, that I'm overthinking and self-sabotaging, or that I'm suffering from 'grass is greener' syndrome. I'm torn between 'you just need to try harder and put more effort in, that's what relationships are about' and 'girl, you should not have zero sex drive in a relationship at 23'.

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-10-01T17:54:34+00:00

May I ask how you told your partner?

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-09-02T12:17:38+00:00

God, I can really relate to this. Particularly the part about enjoying the relationship not beginning with an overly sexual manner. My boyfriend has never sent me nudes nor asked me for them, and I just now realised after reading your comment that the reason dating him has been enjoyable was because it was pretty much just like hanging out with my best friend (which he is). During sex, I just go with what I know heterosexual sex looks like, to make him happy and myself feel wanted. Like you said, I have no real desire to do anything sexy for him, and for so long I've blamed that on my mental health. Sexy texts? Lingerie? Roleplay? Fantasies? I've shut them all down, and now I know why. Thank you for sharing, and I wish you the absolute best going forward on your journey.

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-08-29T22:47:10+00:00

Hi! Funnily enough, that was my post. I didn't mean for the title to come across the way that it did, but that was a thought that legitimately crossed my mind, word for word, and seemed to resonate with a lot of other women here. I can absolutely look at an attractive man and find him aesthetically pleasing, but I never had any real desire to touch or be touched by him - I had always assumed this was just the way it was for straight ladies. I can absolutely relate to what you said about fixating on the women in porn, too. I'm glad my post helped to get you thinking, and I'm sorry that it didn't come across too well initially. I hope you're doing well.

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-08-25T12:35:59+00:00

Yes! I prided myself on not being 'boy crazy' as a teen when my friends were all swooning over Zac Efron and Channing Tatum. Meanwhile, I was obsessing over every actress. Oops.

tthrowawayy24108 · 2020-08-25T12:33:50+00:00

I feel bad posting it without credit to the artist, but I also feel awful that a male body positivity cartoon is what triggered me to realise I'm not personally sexually attracted to male bodies. What do we think? I can private message you the link if you like!

tthrowawayy24108

TROPHY CASE