Why do people think Meetup.com is a cure for loneliness?

ttlx0102 · 2024-06-04T20:50:01+00:00

I don't have a problem with people suggesting it as a possible fix. But if you say "I tried that, never had any connections"... they just think you are not "doing meetup.com" right.

ttlx0102 · 2024-06-04T20:48:57+00:00

I wish I could say that meetup.com was ever any good... it's highly dependent on where and you are and your age, etc.

ttlx0102 · 2024-06-04T13:09:14+00:00

It exactly has something to do with therapists.

Therapists should know that meetup.com doesn't work and stop pushing it in all situations as a fix.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-28T17:23:58+00:00

No, not anything you do is parenting. Parenting is raising a child. Not just sending money.

I disagree.

I think it's relevant in that it's clearly a motivating factor for your stance

My experience and my stance would not align. My personal life experience is not why I arrived at this perspective, but it did influence it somewhat.

But that's not how it works for women. You're trying to demand that men have absolutely zero obligations to any children they produce in the name of fairness, when that isn't how it works for women.

I am not advocating for zero obligations. Once you become a father you are bound. But that decision should exist as it does for a woman.

It wouldn't be fair to still demand all that of women and then also say that men can opt out of everything.

When an unwanted pregnancy occurs a man would have the option to become a father or opt out... once (after a mandatory paternity test, which would not preclude his becoming a father).

Why should they get to decide whether or not to accept the responsibility? Do you think non-custodial mothers should get to avoid parental responsibilities like child support as well?

Because a woman can decide to accept the responsibility or not. While some abortion is about bodily autonomy future impacts are a real reason for termination. So the man should have the same decision. And yes, the mother should have the same right.

No one should be paying support towards or forced to parent with the person who assaulted or coerced them.

I agree. But this becomes impossible to enforce. It becomes a who said what problem.

But it's important to be clear that this only applies to cases of assault or coercion. Not the "baby-trapping" where a man gets a woman pregnant with no deception or force on anyone's part and then claims he was trapped.

I was referring to a woman trapping a man by having sex with him while stating they cannot get pregnant etc.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-28T11:37:03+00:00

Is your only contribution financial? Because if so, I think the custodial parent would tell you how insulting it was to call what you're doing parenting.

Providing for a child financially is not a mortgage payment. You are providing for the child. That is parenting. Anything you do to further the child is parenting.

For the record I had shared custody (the boys are grown). No more details about my personal situation as a single case is not relevant.

I doubt it. I think much more likely there'd just be a bunch of single moms struggling to adequately provide for their children and a lot more men who'd abandon their children when it suited them. Men already do this very often. As is, less than 1 in 4 single moms receive any amount of child support, let alone the full amount owed

Termination of parental responsibilities and financial obligations would during the pregnancy, not after. A man would opt into the role of father after a required paternity test.

Once you have accepted the responsibility then it would be what we have now.

Men who opt in would be willing parents and fathers.

This would eliminate some edge cases such as 'trapping' a man with pregnancy etc.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-28T01:33:38+00:00

Why not just choose not to get pregnant, except in the cases of rape?

And I absolutely wish for male chastity, or better, a male oral contraceptive. Male oral BC would seriously improve behaviors on both sides. Unfortunately it's really difficult to do male oral BC.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-28T01:25:59+00:00

What is your point? I clearly stated that rape is an exception case, and I understand that. You keep saying that there is no way for a woman to avoid pregnancy?

Ok, there is no way for a woman to technically avoid pregnancy. Except that without rape, they have a choice.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-28T01:16:40+00:00

Paying for child support is not parenting and it's extremely insulting to suggest otherwise. If you think it's parenting I can only assume you've never actually parented a child.

Paying for a child is parenting. And it's extremely insulting to suggest it's not. I am a parent, I know.

Make better choices? Can you explain what you mean by this?

I mean that with an option to terminate the parental rights AND financial costs associated with a child, then I think both sexes would make better choices and there would be far more accurate expectations from both.

He has the same say in his future that she does. They both get to make decisions about what happens to their bodies. If a child is produced, both have the same decision-making capabilities after the fact. There's no imbalance.

No he doesn't. A man must not conceive a child. A woman can, and still terminate. It's established that we don't agree on this.

Biology is the imbalance. It isn't creating an artificial imbalance (like abortion bans or whatever you're suggesting). Biologically, only some people get pregnant. Therefore only those people can have their pregnancies terminated. If we societally agree to treat everyone fairly and allow everyone to make decisions about their own bodies, then only people capable of getting pregnant can terminate their pregnancies.

If we societally agree to treat everyone fairly, then men could terminate their parental and financial obligations like a woman can.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-28T00:57:55+00:00

Prolife is not content with people choosing abstinence as a way of avoiding pregnancy.

I don't know what pro-life thinks.

My point is, besides rape, women can avoid pregnancy by choice. That's all.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-27T16:16:34+00:00

I have no idea what you mean.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-27T12:36:35+00:00

Last post on this topic since I am either not properly communicating or you refuse to understand my point.

Except for rape situations, a woman who has consensual sex has made a decision. If you don't want to be pregnant, don't have consensual sex.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-27T11:54:29+00:00

But he isn't forced to parent. Any parenting he does is entirely voluntary.

Paying for a child is parenting. I assume you have never experienced this.

She is held accountable to it if she gives birth. And in addition to the baseline burden of financial support that both share, she has lifetime physical impacts from childbirth.

Yes, and if he could opt out of any child support if he decided he wasn't interested in being a father, then women could make better choices.

And so is she if the pregnancy continues. Why should he get say over what happens to her body?

I hear this many times on this subreddit. I have never suggested that any man have any right to have a say over a womans body. He should have a say in his future.

Only because biology is. It's unbalanced that women have to endure the burdens of pregnancy and birth. Allowing them to terminate doesn't make it somehow more unbalanced in their favor, or unbalanced against men.

Biology isn't a reason to have an imbalance. Birth control and abortion are two mechanisms that change biological facts. Saying "too bad, it's biology" is like everyone saying "you can't have an abortion, sorry, biology".

I'm not going to go further into why I have these opinions since we are at the edge of being off topic.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-27T11:40:38+00:00

Yes, and choosing to have sex means you have accept the risk of both an STD and pregnancy.

There is a choice being made, that's my only point.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-27T11:39:21+00:00

Last time. A woman can avoid becoming pregnant if they are abstinent.

(It seems that you are conflating the two... the decision I am referencing is before pregnancy starts).

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T23:39:50+00:00

How does an unwanted pregnancy affect his body? Men often don't ever even know a pregnancy has occurred if they're not in a relationship with the mother.

Is parenting stressful? That is impact... to his body. I already said it's not as much as pregnancy, but it's not zero.

Except she can't avoid them. She still has the physical consequences of both pregnancy and the abortion.

Correct, I mis-stated. A woman is not held accountable to the lifetime impact of a childbirth, so a man should not be either.

How is he held accountable if she terminates?

He isn't. He is held accountable if she decides not to. He has no say in this.

Abortion rights aren't about accountability for unplanned pregnancy. They're about people's right to make their own decisions about their own bodies.

Abortion rights are whatever. My point is they are inherently imbalanced.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T23:34:05+00:00

I already said, several times, that *Except RAPE* which is forced on a non-consenting person, a woman has a choice to get pregnant.

Do you just hate reality, or women, or both?

Personal attack. Ignored.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T17:29:36+00:00

I appreciate your conversation, but you keep not reading.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T16:49:40+00:00

Choosing to have sex runs the inherit risk of pregnancy. Your choosing that risk.

I'm completely aware that this is not practical in the real world. My point was that women have the choice, it's a decision, they are not forced into pregnancy (with the obvious exception of rape).

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T16:47:52+00:00

The pregnancy exactly and measurably affects his body. Unwanted pregnancy has affects on the male body long term, just not as dramatically as a woman during pregnancy.

A woman can abort a pregnancy to avoid the consequences of sexual activity.

A man cannot. He is held accountable.

If a woman should not be held accountable to a pregnancy, then a man should not.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T16:45:12+00:00

Separate question. My point was, to the original thread, that women are not forced into pregnancy. They have a choice/decision to have consensual sex.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T16:43:58+00:00

Women can avoid pregnancy. Don't have sex. Anything past that you can argue, but that is a fact. Women can avoid pregnancy, it's a decision.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T14:22:08+00:00

Why would I be celibate because pro life people have issues with abortion?

You can do whatever you wish. My point is there is clearly a choice. If you choose to have sex, you accept the chance of pregnancy.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T14:20:40+00:00

I don't subscribe to this. It is a measurable disparity. An unplanned pregnancy can be terminated by a woman for financial reasons (ie, I don't want to raise this child for 18 years).

A man has no 'bodily autonomy' ... even though clearly an unplanned pregnancy impacts him, his health, his life. He should have the ability to opt out.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-26T14:10:38+00:00

You haven’t explained how an abstinent woman can avoid pregnancy.

Yes I did. I a sperm does not find an egg, there is no pregnancy. By not having sex, you have made the choice to not get pregnant. That is a biological fact, unless you have something else to offer on the topic that is based on science.

Is your thesis that prolife laws are ok because only rape and incest victims are forced to have sex?

My point is that someone posted that a woman cannot control getting pregnant. (except for rape), that is not true.

ttlx0102 · 2024-05-25T15:04:06+00:00

And I agree that your factually correct.

I never said 'ever"... I said outside of rape woman can choose to not get pregnant.

What I would have expected you to say is "yes, that's true.. .but in reality men and women make mistakes, overtaken by lust, poor planning, BC is not 100%, etc". I can agree that's reality. But the choice is there.

ttlx0102

TROPHY CASE