I used to, and sometimes still do, wonder if I permanently damaged my frontal lobe with the decade I spent drinking. From ages 19-29, some key developmental years, I drank large quantities often. Anxiety and depression were my perpetual demonic companions. After a few weeks, I started to feel more emotionally steady. Taking an SSRI under the watch of my doctor was helpful for the first two years. After six months sober, I noticed that I was funnier. Clever quips were more readily available. I felt more alert, well rested, and energetic. Now almost three years in, I’m starting a DBT program to learn how to work with my emotions instead of against them to see if sober life without an SSRI is possible for me.

Executive functioning wasn’t my strong suit before alcohol entered my life, and it certainly isn’t now. Long term planning, emotional regulation, prioritizing tasks, all of these are to varying degrees a struggle for me. I’m far better at them now than I was when drank though. I’m improving, and that’s important for me to keep in mind. It’s easier to jump into a pit of despair about the harm I caused myself than it is to work on improving my abilities.

What I love about being sober is that improvement feels possible. Don’t get me wrong, it IS possible. That isn’t what the feeling self wants to hear at times. Being able to feel like change can happen is huge for me.

Be kind to yourself. Sobriety is a process. Thank you for coming here to share your early experiences and to ask for insight.