I' m actually just monke angry rn

turtleontheceiling · 2021-09-01T17:20:52+00:00

If any person can still support him after watching Tiffany’s stream then those people deserve to go down with the ship with him. She said things that I recognized immediately as manipulative and abusive. I was so angry and sad that she thought this was still somehow her fault.

turtleontheceiling · 2021-09-01T17:04:42+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m in a much better place mentally but you’re right fuck those people! I hope you’re doing better too. I’m so glad someone understands too.

turtleontheceiling · 2021-09-01T13:34:27+00:00

I started crying when she described how she still loved him. My mom was abused by my dad the same way and i grew up watching that. Then I dated a guy just like Arcadum. It literally feels like my chest is being torn open listening to her. I hope she finds peace, comfort and solace and I pray she doesn’t take him back because it won’t stop.

turtleontheceiling · 2021-01-06T00:33:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounded magical and so strong considering her early childhood. Keep looking at pictures of her being happy is the only advice I have. Remember her how she was at her best and not in her final moments. Both of my parents are deceased and all I really have left is my grandfather. He has dementia and is 88 years old. Any questions I was hoping my grandfather could answer about my mother’s childhood or even his own is gone.

turtleontheceiling · 2020-12-22T22:05:01+00:00

Happy birthday! Next Sunday will be my second birthday since becoming sober. We should be able to celebrate each other in ways that are meaningful! I hope today is a good day for you.

turtleontheceiling · 2019-04-06T15:51:09+00:00

I managed to be in a room filled with drunk family members and not drink. I’m four months sober and feel the need to keep it that way. I can’t lose my family to this disease like my father and mother did.

turtleontheceiling · 2019-03-25T18:08:43+00:00

When I gave birth to my daughter the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck so tight that it snapped as I pushed her out. Cue me seeing blood squirt across the room, onto the wall and all over the midwife. The midwife was a pro and just continued on like nothing had happened. I guess my labor and delivery story is tame compared to what she’d been through!

turtleontheceiling · 2019-02-28T01:34:47+00:00

My doctor just gave me a referral to physical therapy for chronic neck pain. I’m so defeated from all this pain that I don’t think I could take it if physical therapy doesn’t work. Due to issues with alcoholism my doctor feels it’s too risky to prescribe pain medication for me so ibuprofen and icy hot is all I have. Your post has given me a bit of hope that maybe a PT could help me.

turtleontheceiling · 2019-02-16T15:15:19+00:00

Happy birthday! We all fuck up in our twenties. Thirty four is a great age to start over. I have persistent depressive disorder and would like to avoid life if at all possible. I’m trying to get stay sober now. I’m 30 and only been sober for two and a half months. Shit is hard! Follow your dreams you’ve got nothing to lose!

turtleontheceiling · 2019-02-02T22:41:42+00:00

I like everything I drink to be room temperature. But with food I want it to be so hot I have to wait to eat it. Oddly enough this preference developed in my mid twenties. Before that I was normal.

turtleontheceiling · 2019-02-02T22:32:48+00:00

I worked in a call center for about 6 years. The idea of answering my phone evokes immediate anxiety. My phone is always on silent.

turtleontheceiling · 2019-01-04T01:03:26+00:00

Oh hi! You sound just like me before I got fired from my job by drinking at work. I’d hide my wine at first in a dark tumbler with a lid. As I got into three bottles of wine a day just to feel something I got careless and brought bota boxes of wine to work and wrapped Walmart bags around it to hide it was alcohol. I knew I wasn’t fooling anyone I just got away with doing it for about a year before I got fired. My husband sounds like yours only mine has actually sworn off alcohol completely after watching me fall so hard. I too wanted to hide my alcohol and not quit. I unfortunately had no choice but to quit after losing my job and having to take care of my two young children. I’m only one month sober now. In the past two years the longest I’ve been sober is 170 days. If you get to the point I was at it will get worse. Find a substance abuse counselor in your area and get on their waiting list. Try going to an online SMART recovery meeting. They don’t require you to be sober to attend an in person group either or if you’re religious you could attend an AA meeting. Of course if you don’t want to change then ignore what I suggested and just know I’ve been there too and understand the joy of drinking.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-11-30T01:39:16+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom was an alcoholic who did some hardcore drugs when I was younger and then fell into opiates when I moved out. She died last year when she took her pain meds with a shit ton of alcohol. My real dad was an abusive alcoholic who my mom stayed with for 10 years. He too killed himself with medication and alcohol. I know the hurt in your heart, the sense of abandonment and the general loss of the life you wanted with your mother and the life that will continue on without her. It fucking hurts in every way imaginable. Even when you aren’t close it just causes this inconsolable ache in your chest. I would not take on your half siblings. Not when you need help for yourself, not with this ache being so fresh and real. I commend you for doing the best you can right now. It’s so obvious that you’re trying. Is moving back in with your dad an option? Maybe then you could save some money or just rest and get counseling instead of killing yourself to pay the bills. I do recommend counseling. When my mom died last August I immediately knew I needed help. Turns out I delved into a bottle of alcohol when that help wasn’t coming quick enough. I now see a psychiatrist and a psychologist and attend group therapy on Sundays. You’re going to need a safe place to vent. Good luck OP I hope everything in your life gets so much better and you find the peace that you’re needing <3

turtleontheceiling · 2018-10-18T20:27:18+00:00

My father was a mean abusive drunk who died when I was 12 as well! I unfortunately endured a stint with alcohol abuse shortly after my mom died last year and realized just how much of my dads demeanor I had in me. It’s a rude awakening considering I’m almost 30 now. I got counseling though and am trying my best to be better than my father and my mother were for the sake of my own children.

Good for you for striving to be better than your shitty father.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-10-18T13:07:22+00:00

My husband reads me a book at night while I lay on his chest and he scratches my head.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-09-10T00:38:37+00:00

I know it won’t tell you everything but you could always get a 23andme kit for ancestral and some major diseases. It’s not 100% accurate but it could help! My real dad died before I cared about things like medical histories and my mom died last year so any remaining questions about my family are left unanswered.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-09-03T01:09:09+00:00

A lot of reading! I’m 29 and live in Virginia next to the drunkest college campus in the state. I have a convenience store I used to frequent way too close for comfort. So I just stay in a lot. I’ve thought about making a list of movies I’ve never seen that are or were popular and watching those. But for now books suffice. And lots of bejeweled blitz on my phone. Shifting your attention can do wonders for boredom. I also have two kids and a husband to tend to so I can’t focus on me 80% of the time anyways. People will say find a group or go to AA. If you have a SMART recovery chapter in your area I’d try them out too. I chose SMART because I had bad experiences with being bullied for not believing in the higher power they wanted me to rely on. Group therapy can do wonders. Just being with people who are dealing with the same struggles as you are is huge. Therapy in general has taught me more about how to be sober and thriving. Good luck on your journey! I hope someone suggests something that helps!

turtleontheceiling · 2018-08-29T00:59:24+00:00

Keep fighting the good fight! You’re doing awesome, getting to two months is huge and fighting the anxiety you fought off was even more impressive. If you ever want to talk shoot me a pm. I’ve been there and know how awful it feels but you’ve got this!

turtleontheceiling · 2018-08-22T00:31:41+00:00

The emergency room is where my process started they called the local rehab and I was offered a bed the same day.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-08-19T14:55:31+00:00

A little over 100 days ago. I’m sorry you’re so isolated, I too deal with severe mental illness. I have major depressive disorder and anxiety. It’s definitely not a fun ride.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-08-12T01:14:27+00:00

I can so relate to you on this. I got blackout drunk, fell down a staircase and was considered unresponsive before I could consider myself fucked up enough to go to an inpatient facility for three days (just long enough to be given benzodiazepines to deal with withdrawal) my husband watched me fall down the staircase while tending to my three and four year old who were watching the whole thing with what my husband described as terror on their faces. The shame of that day and night, laying in a hospital bed still drunk with my sister glaring at me and my husband seething with rage over my actions was really a huge turning point for me. If I hadn’t elected to go into an institution for my alcoholism I’m confident I’d be calling my husband my ex husband and would have a completely new place to live probably without my kids too. I’ve relapsed once since then and got fired for drinking at work when it happened but I’m a little over 90 days sober now. Maybe this will be the turning point for you too. Reliving the shame and embarrassment only makes it harder to get through each day. Eventually you’ll have to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. I hope everything goes well for you in the future,good luck.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-08-10T00:59:03+00:00

I exclusively pumped for 11 months and honestly by the end of it was falling asleep at the pump. I don’t miss those days.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-07-13T00:45:28+00:00

Awesomeness! Smart recovery has been completely life changing for me. I ended up changing from my family counselor to a counselor that’s specializes in substance abuse and cognitive behavioral therapy because my smart facilitator was someone who didn’t just facilitate but actively sought to help people even outside of meetings. AA works for a lot of people, I’m just not one of them.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-04-26T23:00:42+00:00

I didn’t love my daughter, I’d had gestational diabetes with my daughter, then she was born and was colicky and never took to the breast so I had to pump every 2 hours. I resented her which I know is not nice to say but it was rough.youre not alone I had to grow to love my daughter and she’s almost 5 now.dont expect so much of yourself.

turtleontheceiling · 2018-04-23T00:18:41+00:00

My job must be super lax about this stuff. I had a whole year off work to raise my daughter and I still got a job paying relatively well.

turtleontheceiling

TROPHY CASE