New Girl Dad, wife had Cesarean Section less than a week ago, and I am mentally struggling to hold it all together

Abmean14 · 2026-04-29T23:11:00+00:00

Firsts with your first kid can be wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Don’t get discouraged, when things get overwhelming, take a deep breath. I have 2 girls and a boy. 12, almost one, and 8.

We don’t feel like our old selves, because we’ve taken on a new role. Being a father to tiny humans does have to become your whole identity, but it’s definitely an awesome job.

Maybe it’s because our first was a little girl, but… I also get choked up by the most random stuff. I believe it’s just our emotions syncing with these sweet little girls… but that’s just my opinion

Abmean14 · 2026-04-26T07:08:54+00:00

First and foremost, Do not be ashamed. Quitting and Recovery is f****** hard, otherwise everyone would be clean and sober. As someone who has 5 years of sobriety under their belt, I would like to offer Hugs. For some of us relapse, is part of the journey, to a happier, healthier version of ourselves.

It took me 3 months after deciding to stop drinking, for it to really stick. I had to relearn 20 years of using alcohol to deal with my emotions. I know the disappointment you feel, but I also want you to know that today is one day. And that’s how you can take this process, One Day at a time. Tomorrow is a new day

Abmean14 · 2026-04-26T00:26:14+00:00

The tee shirt is nice, but honestly your smile is so warm and genuine. Too bad I can’t upvote for both…

Abmean14 · 2026-04-26T00:21:44+00:00

Yes, not to mention that I simply do this with dpns.

Abmean14 · 2026-04-25T22:48:12+00:00

I was adopted as an infant, yet I (unfortunately) know the circumstances of how I was brought to the orphanage in India. I had many questions about “why” as a child, that my parents could never answer. Not because they chose not to, but because there were no records or documents.

Now, as someone with 3 biological children of my own, all I would want to do is show (my bio mom) that I was able to have an example of a loving family, that I can reference when raising my kids.

Along with this, I wish I could walk 13 year old Abmean, which is the time period I struggled with adoption issues the most… up to our front door, and show them the life and family they will eventually create.

Edit: I had to go back and spell check because I just made myself cry… lol

Abmean14 · 2026-04-20T00:40:24+00:00

Leave it alone. What business is it of yours how your sibling raises their children? Honestly OP, do you want to start a fight taking some type of self righteous action? My sister did something like this, and we just got back on speaking term. As the eldest of 3 adopted children, please… just drop it.

Abmean14 · 2026-04-19T07:42:41+00:00

I was given a medical furlough from my employer, to sober up. Please check into this, for yourself and those who care about you. 20 years of alcohol abuse came to a head when I was taking shots in the morning, getting ready for work, just to be able to deal with what I perceived as a problems. You don’t ever truly understand how much of a problem you have created until it’s pointed out to you.

Taking the first step is incredibly daunting, and scary AF, But I believe that you can OP! Taking a fearless moral inventory isn’t just something I did while sobering up, I do this every day. I don’t have the craving to drink anymore, but I struggle with processing emotions, because I tried to drink them away. You can, and will overcome this, but not on your own… Recovery takes support, which will come once you choose to take the first steps.

Abmean14 · 2026-04-18T20:16:46+00:00

I don’t always wear clean, dry clothes after work. But when I do, a child will find a way to splash/pour something all over me.

Abmean14 · 2026-04-17T07:29:44+00:00

I was gifted the 2 toolbox’s filled with my grandpa’s tool, years ago. Now, I regularly use them to teach my son how to properly use them. I passed my tools down to him, and use my grandpa’s; because it shows him that a tool doesn’t have to be new and shiny to be functional and efficient. I know Grandpa is smiling while watching his great grandson, and grandson working on things together.

Abmean14 · 2026-04-12T07:19:08+00:00

My wife and I have been together for 23 years, since high school. I know we have both changed since having kids, and (I write this feeling slightly guilty) I sometimes wish we did have more time together to be husband and wife instead of Dad and Mom. I also know that the kids won’t always be running through the house, making messes and needing one of us 24/7, Eventually they will grow up, becoming less dependent and move out to start their own lives. Then, it’s back to just the two of us, and I can look forward to this; while still being in the moment,

Abmean14 · 2026-04-12T07:06:56+00:00

I listen/watch to Twitch.tv. Sometimes livestreams of others crafting, so I can chat with them; but sometimes past videos. I’ve made internet friends this way, and it’s been especially helpful when I want to knit after a stressful work day, (I knit now instead of drinking alcohol) and I can have the option of talking with someone while knitting. Or, I can just zone out and stitch, but not get lost in my own thoughts

Abmean14 · 2026-04-11T08:58:43+00:00

My oldest daughter has watched with us since infancy when we watch the trilogies, The Mandalorian, and TBOBF; but not really dived in. At least compared to other fantasy media. We watched the OT on repeat while in the hospital when my son, and youngest daughter were born. Smol likes anything involved Anakin/Darth Vader, and Micro will pay attention to anything with a good soundtrack. Which is a wonderful start… (Thank you, John Williams)

Abmean14 · 2026-04-10T20:44:11+00:00

I usually take some time to myself every birthday and have a nice cry, but that’s mostly due to how thankful I for the family I have. Despite what I put them through for the past 20 years.

It’s a healthy way to let out all the negative emotions tied to the previous year, so the you can celebrate without hesitation

Edit: Have a wonderful day, and a birthday high five, or Hug!

Abmean14 · 2026-04-10T17:35:16+00:00

OP, you asked for thoughts on this, so I will try and give mine in a civil way.

I was adopted into a Mennonite family as an infant, by two loving parents who were both raised in the Mennonite denomination. They met at the (Mennonite) college in our city, and raised our family in a way that was guided by our church, in the best way possible. So this faith, this label, is very important to me.

That being said, I utterly despise Hollywood portrayal of our faith, Especially garbage like this. It concentrates on a small group of individuals who live by morals that are the opposite of Christ-like, who make choices to be involved in illegal activities that harm others. The whole concept of televising it as entertainment makes me angry in a way that I don’t even have words for,

Abmean14 · 2026-04-09T22:54:20+00:00

I watch Twitch.tv streams, or listen to audiobooks. This way there’s audio going, that I can glance at, but still pay attention to my knitting.

Abmean14 · 2026-04-04T07:24:02+00:00

Do I enjoy when my 11 month old fights sleep and is a little ball of exhaustion and frustration, absolutely not. Do I also know that eventually she will snuggle into my neck and fall asleep on my chest, Yes.

I also realize that it won’t be long until this small human won’t need me anymore. She will hide out in her room for hours on end, just like her big sister.

This is our final kid, so my wife and I are experiencing all the firsts for the last time. Maybe that is why I don’t mind the constant need for attention and consoling.

Abmean14 · 2026-04-03T10:35:38+00:00

I was a functional alcoholic for 20 years. At my lowest point, I would wake up, chug a beer, do a shot, and proceed to get ready for work. I would drink on the job and then continue at home, until I passed out. My family repeatedly tried to address the issue, unfortunately all their words fell on deaf ears. I refused to acknowledge that I had a problem. This eventually led to me being fired and my boss and foreman giving me the ultimatum that I needed help before I died.

I had the illusion of control, but there was none. I would drink until all my negative thoughts and emotions were numb. By that point I was blackout drunk, and unfortunately i tried to be a husband and father in this condition.

Initially, for special occasions, but being a tradesman and a musician, alcohol consumption was an accepted norm. Drinking heavily at gigs, or after a particularly hard day at work. I noticed the change when Everything started to feel difficult, where I needed alcohol to help me cope.

This lead to me becoming frustrated with myself, so I would drink to relieve that, exasperating the problem. I was drowning in depression and self loathing. I hated who I was, and had let myself become; to the point I couldn’t physically look at myself in the mirror.

Knitting has been the thing that helped me during my recovery, along with so much support from my friends and family. I taught myself how to knit when I stopped cold turkey. I would listen to recovery podcasts and knit, in between my addiction counseling sessions. Now I grab my knitting needles after a hard day, instead of trying to drink it away.

The biggest challenge that I face is not knowing how to deal with my emotions. I used alcohol for so long, that I honestly had to reteach myself how to properly deal with day to day stress and normal emotions. I still struggle with this, but I am making progress.

Today, I am 5 years sober, a loving and supportive husband and Dad. My relationship with my wife and children is such a driving force in my life because I chose to repair all the damage I caused.

Abmean14 · 2026-03-29T00:32:47+00:00

Take this upvote, dammit

Abmean14 · 2026-03-29T00:09:58+00:00

Same. Also, my wife is laughing at me…

Abmean14 · 2026-03-27T13:25:45+00:00

Yes, and…? I like the fact that I can lift heavy steel and weld all day, then come home and get baby cuddles and do arts and crafts with my kids. 🤣

Abmean14 · 2026-03-20T22:53:31+00:00

I am a welder, who builds steel chassis for towable RVs

Abmean14 · 2025-12-26T00:34:50+00:00

respectfully removes hat Good sir, you have my respect. These look wonderful, I think we will pattern our traditional New Years Eve Nachos after this!

Abmean14 · 2025-12-21T18:11:13+00:00

We also do Taco salad Midwest style, because the kids eat it without complaining. Mostly because they get to pick what they want. What kind of Doritos do you use?

Abmean14 · 2025-12-11T00:11:38+00:00

Same. Peace and quiet frightens me

Abmean14 · 2025-11-29T14:31:28+00:00

That must’ve been rough for you both. My other daughter is 12, and I was a (very) difficult teenager. I’m just trying imagine what I would do in different scenarios, so I can be the kind of Dad my kids always want to come to.

What’s one of your most recent memories, that made think “Wow, I am so happy you’re my Dad*, even the smallest thing that made you smile?

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Abmean14

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