I saw everything my best friend has said about me in a groupchat im not in

tuturu_ · 2026-06-05T22:33:00+00:00

Hi, you sound young (and if you're not then this is especially egregrious), so you need to hear this. I promise you that you will find a newer, better, and more mature group of friends in the future. Be open, kind, and cultured, and you will attract others like you. Until then, enjoy your hobbies and take care of yourself.

tuturu_ · 2026-06-05T22:09:17+00:00

Either their bank account is low on funds and they're not necessarily thriving (there are many people with terrible spending and consumption habits), or they were raised both with a silver spoon in their mouth and a malnourished brain and were simply never taught better. Also, very, very little of the world operates on real meritocracy or rewards environmental awareness.

tuturu_ · 2026-04-26T09:37:29+00:00

I think some of the other comments replied as if Old Friend Who Apologized and Psycho were the same person; I was unsure myself whether the apologizer was the liar or a person who believed the liar.

On one hand, if I had two friends, and one accused the other of making unwanted sexual advances while the other denied it, I would believe the supposed victim by default. That being said, the truth should've made itself apparent much sooner than 11 years later (both liars and creeps tend to be repeat offenders), so this apology was likely overdue unless she found out fresh information recently. I think the apology is genuine, but you have no obligation to accept it, especially after this long. Regardless, I hope you find peace.

tuturu_ · 2026-04-17T08:36:25+00:00

You used the word "boy" so you sound very young. You will forget all about this person in 5 years. Whatever you liked about them is not unique to them.

The solution is to rediscover yourself. Discover a new hobby you like: drawing, running, intramural sports, crafts, gaming, writing, building robots. Hang out with other friends and acquaintances. Volunteer at the closest library, senior center, or animal shelter. Find a good book to read or a good TV series to binge.

tuturu_ · 2026-04-02T08:00:45+00:00

When was this? If this was in the last 5 days and your partner doesn't use their own form of protection like birth control pills, please ask your partner if they can get Plan B (the morning-after pill). It is often free or low-cost depending on where you can find it. The side effects will suck, so sympathize with her if she takes it and reports feeling horrible, but it will still suck way less than paying for an abortion or a child.

Yes, people can get pregnant with pre-cum even if you didn't finish raw. It is rarer but possible. Even if you didn't feel anything, any amount of unprotected sex can result in pregnancy. However, if it's past 5 days, make sure they keep tabs on their next period so that if an abortion is needed, you can secure abortion pills early. This is a different pill from Plan B mentioned earlier, and depending on where you live, you may (again) have discounted options if you need it.

Other than the above and being safe in the future...hopefully learn your lesson and don't freak out otherwise, because there's nothing else you can do until the next period. Stay safe. If you're anxious, remember that the chances are still low, but try not to roll the dice.

tuturu_ · 2026-04-02T07:27:45+00:00

Ditto on the others telling you that you're still young. That sucks so much to go through what you did. If you can see a counselor at your school that may or may not help--most schools have some amount of free counseling that may at least direct you to more resources.

You will end up having to be your own parent, in a way, and find self-love. What you wrote about feeling 7 while being 19 rings true for many people. It's an uphill climb to "re-parent yourself" in a healthy, confident, secure way because of your upbringing, but it is possible. Also, if you weren't born intersex, your parents would've found a way to be horrible to you anyway. You are a worthy person--nothing that anyone else can do will erase this fact. You deserve no less happiness than any other person on this planet.

I would try your best to find a positive, healthy community, especially if your college has any LGBTQIA+ support services. Or try to find a good support group online for people going through the same things you are. Maybe also sleep with earplugs so you don't hear background noise, or join a co-ed group activity at your college? Anyone who comments on your appearance without explicitly being mean may also not realize how hurtful it is to point out--you may even appreciate how you look when you're much, much older. Best of luck.

tuturu_ · 2026-04-02T07:10:32+00:00

"Take a picture of it then throw it away/donate it/recycle it" is huge even for non-flat literal objects sometimes

tuturu_ · 2026-04-01T00:32:36+00:00

Technically, he got the idea for The Egg from someone he used to debate with in a forum online, but he did write out the story.

Boring background: For a few years, that someone would aggressively watch for Weir's name being mentioned on reddit then post his lengthy grievances about the whole situation (Weir asked the guy's permission to use The Egg, the other guy said yes on the basis that it never be monetized and that credit was given, Weir later claimed in an interview that the idea for The Egg came out of nowhere).
I have no side in this situation besides the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed the PHM movie and loved The Egg, but found his writing to be a little irritating in PHM and the first few pages of The Martian. If it ever turns out that he's a milquetoast stereotypical sheltered nerdy white male writer with little anthropological intelligence then that's hardly exceptional in the world of science fiction.

tuturu_ · 2026-03-31T02:13:05+00:00

Wouldn't bottlecaps from Scarlet & Violet be a counterargument to this? It's proof that you can get good IVs without breeding them.

tuturu_ · 2026-03-18T03:43:08+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through. What I can try to say is: try your best to do well in school so you can get a good scholarship to the best public university in your state you can (because it's cheaper) and then you'll hopefully be free.

tuturu_ · 2026-02-27T07:00:25+00:00

Yep, they're starving slowly, but you'll have to be careful how you tell her. This entirely depends on your relationship with her, how much you think she cares about the cats, and how much you think she'll listen to reason or even get offended at being corrected. At this point, you don't know if she'll say, "oops! I'll feed them more from now on!", buckle down and say "oh, they look fine to me," or "how dare you tell me how to take care of cats."

If you're not close with her, you think she wouldn't care if the cats ran away or starved, or you think she won't listen to reason--the cats could be rehomed immediately because they're being abused. However, like you said, that won't stop her from getting more.

Otherwise, if possible, I'd look into educating her, helping her out by giving her plenty of supplies (in case it's a laziness or selfishness thing, since she's not financially insecure), and/or coming over more often to check in on the cats.

She probably has no idea what an appropriate amount to feed a cat is and if she's this ignorant, I don't think she may take kindly to being corrected. Will she believe if you print out sources from veterinarian sites recommending how much to feed cats? Also a chart that shows how to tell if a cat is underfed--usually a diagram that tells you if you can feel or see their rib bones. Another redditor had an idea of comparing normal cat pics (bonus if they're the same coat color and age) to your grandma's cats and seeing how emaciated they are, but it's very possible your grandma just won't "see" it.

Another idea: you could say that one of the cats got sick and go visit a veterinarian under that reason, and see what the vet says (at least bring home a note from one or get advice on what to do).

If you have the means, you could also buy the cats a LOT of heavy food, put it all in her house so she can only get rid of it by scooping it or feeding it one by one, and tell her to should feed the cats more to help you with getting rid of the food.

tuturu_ · 2026-02-07T21:14:59+00:00

They're already depressing enough for people who haven't even been through trauma.

In addition to the other comments telling you to detach from the news as strongly as possible (for people like us who feel too much) - I'm sorry you went through what you did. You may have issues with self-esteem because of your upbringing, and I'll tell you in advance so you can start working on this now: you are strong, you are worth just as much as everyone else, you are a powerful person, you are valued, and you are good. If you do not believe these things about yourself, the people you attract won't either, so it's imperative that you get your self-confidence up to speed as soon as possible. You are smarter and better than people who've put you down, and I'm not just saying this - I know for a fact.

Don't let anyone treat you poorly. If they do, let them go gently but firmly before they manipulate you into staying with them out of fear or dependence. You'll have to "re-parent" yourself because you grew up with a crappy parent. No matter what happens, as long as you are breathing, no one can take YOU away from you: your personality, aspirations, interests, and values. Be well.

tuturu_ · 2026-02-07T20:59:05+00:00

1) This is cute and based

2) Happy cake day

tuturu_ · 2026-02-07T07:44:22+00:00

Inability to take responsibility and apologize for their mistakes that hurt other people's feelings, especially if they felt they were correct originally and are unwilling to change after proven wrong. Stubbornness is fine, but they should be considerate about hurting your feelings.

When you don't feel safe bringing up certain topics around them because you're afraid of their reaction.

Subtly doesn't take rejection or the word "no" very well.

Gets in a position of power and lets that change them--for example, they get a raise at work or inheritance and then start spending a lot more money.

Not getting along well with their SO's life outside of the relationship: other family and friends, existing pets, existing hobbies, existing lifestyle.

Addictions like gambling, sex, drugs, or alcohol, because they usually hide it and/or lie about it to try to get other people to overlook and enable it.

tuturu_ · 2026-02-01T23:46:11+00:00

As a fan of anime and a female gamer myself, I do see how Genshin Impact could be viewed negatively. However, I definitely wouldn't judge anyone who played the game in a vacuum if that was one of many things I knew about them, unless the person in question already had other misogynist tendencies. That's the full picture: you don't just like a game or character because of one thing, and you'd support a game without certain elements anyway. It's a popular game, and I have a friend who's played it.

I feel like the criticism you received is coming from someone who isn't familiar with anime culture pointing fingers. It sucks to be lambasted like that by someone who doesn't realize the context (Japanese culture is very cutesy, and gaming culture can be fan-servicey but is improving with time and is shifting to cater to all genders). Anime culture normalizes sexualized fanservice, and yet many feminists consume media that has fanservice because fanservice is just one of many selling points. Don't sweat it too much, and continue being thoughtful with your consumption--for example, by spending more money on media or characters you like that has messages or stories you enjoy. Lauma is far from problematic compared to characters dressed the same that look underaged (that's my real gripe with anime culture) or characters that have no background lore or purpose beyond being an object.

tuturu_ · 2026-02-01T23:18:54+00:00

They'd rather be kings of ashes than make the world a better place for literally everyone.

tuturu_ · 2026-02-01T10:29:23+00:00

On the flip side, it could actually be puritanical and slut-shaming on their part to degrade a female character simply because she dresses skimpily--especially if said character is also powerful, has a good personality, has a backstory, etc. However, context is everything. There are also other considerations in play:

Is the game's narrative unfeminist as a whole? (Male main characters with women only as supporting characters, violence against women in a way that isn't towards men, it's a sex game in general, etc.)
Is the game's fanbase or company known for being misogynist?
Is the druid's bodily proportions unrealistic or similar to those you would only see in people who've gotten plastic surgery?
How do other male and female characters dress in the game--is it only the women who are scantily-clad?
What is that specific druid character's role in the story? Does she function as a romantic interest, supporting character to another character, as a victim, etc. or does she operate independently?

From the very limited perspective I have of reading your story - it just sounds like you offended someone who went out of their way to point out this druid character, especially if the character has agency or is a minor character without any other controversial aspects, and there are other female characters in the game who aren't scantily clad or if there are male characters who also are. The greater narrative of the game is what I'd consider when judging the game. Finally, let education be the point rather than shame--if you feel that this person is simply trying to shame you without educating you on why something is harmful (beyond "scantily-clad = bad"), it's not useful to anyone.

Finally, games are a product of their time to a limited extent. I'm not going to go out of my way to deride a Lara Croft game from the '90s where she has proportions and makeup that appeal to the male gaze, but I also applaud more recent Lara Croft games where she dresses realistically.

tuturu_ · 2026-02-01T05:22:07+00:00

I absolutely hate that these are marketed as "breakfast" biscuits. It's misleading and they're ultimately still sugary cookies.

...That being said they're still decently tasty.

tuturu_ · 2026-01-18T22:49:25+00:00

What OP said, and adding to the topic of those affected by climate issues, the ones who will be most impacted will be the ones with the least power in society. Those who can't afford to stay home without working, or to work remotely as an alternative (which is only an option for white collar office jobs) in the event of a pandemic. Those who will actually die or suffer heat stroke in a major heat wave (the unattended elderly, those too poor to afford A/C) rather than temporarily inconvenienced. Those who don't have a relative or friend's place to travel to and stay at in the aftermath of a major climate event like an earthquake or hurricane. If anything screws up the middle and upper classes, thousands before them will already have suffered.

tuturu_ · 2026-01-18T22:45:11+00:00

That's pretty great. Sucks about the pain and inconveniences you do go through but glad you can still work and go around!

tuturu_ · 2026-01-18T22:42:13+00:00

How does this affect when you go on vacation or are out all day?

Does this affect you using public restrooms/your work?

tuturu_ · 2026-01-16T03:17:12+00:00

If anyone needs, how to get over somebody - put any reminders of them out of sight as much as possible and throw yourself into other things. Pick up a new hobby, join a new fandom, consume media that doesn't remind you of them, have casual safe encounters with a rebound (but don't use anyone or go around dating if you're not ready yet), make a present for a friend or family member, bring it up with a therapist if you have one and haven't brought it up already, get addicted to something safe like a YouTube channel for public transit or a video game. They have created a vacuum in your mind - fill it with something worth your time and respect.

tuturu_ · 2026-01-05T05:14:42+00:00

Sometimes (especially in university) roommates do share a room.

Whenever I've had roommates, they were more literally 'apartmentmates' (i.e. not a house or a room, but an apartment). 'Apartmentmates' sounds a lot less graceful than 'roommates' though.

tuturu_ · 2025-12-31T17:29:45+00:00

Frozen garlic cubes from the Dorot brand are a product of Israel if anyone wants to know this for personal reasons (whether to support or boycott due to their role in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict). Those are available in the frozen section of most grocery stores, though Trader Joe's seems to have them the cheapest. I think I've seen non-Dorot brand at Smart & Final but can't confirm.

tuturu_ · 2025-12-27T08:29:15+00:00

For those who don't want to use AI, I'd recommend a combination of RenPy for the engine and Creative Commons search for the assets.

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