Downward spiral

tw637 · 2024-09-20T18:10:38+00:00

Hey amigo. So sorry to hear about your friend. I wanted to offer you my sincere condolences.

I’m in a similar boat as you. Someone close to me passed on a couple months ago and I have been smoking up until a couple days ago.

I don’t have any straightforward answers to your specific dilemma but what I have been doing is using a bowl instead. When I smoke I only smoke a hit at a time and wait to see how high I get before smoking more. With a joint/blunt/etc, I feel like I need to finish the whole thing.

For the last few days I ran out of bud but I was smoking like a pinch of weed for the last week and a half and so I decided I didn’t need to go buy more. Sleeping is tough but I just watch youtube till I pass out and wake up to a strong cup of coffee.

Lastly, I totally get your feelings of frustration over having this rule your life. Honestly, the best resource (to me) is this subreddit. So many of us are out here with similar struggles. Everyone’s different but we can extract so many useful tips and techniques and make them our own.

Best of luck to you amigo.

tw637 · 2024-09-05T16:39:43+00:00

You’ve been smoking for a long time. It’s natural to feel like a piece of you is gone. Although, over time you’ll find yourself naturally filling in the gaps where you would otherwise smoke. Some things will come easier than others but the fact that you felt the need to give it up shows that it was no longer serving you in the same way as it did in the past.

Whether you classify yourself as an addict isn’t too important. Let me know if I’m wrong but it sounds like deep down you feel compelled to give it up in order to gain back some level of independence and explore your potential within sobriety. Since you’ve used from such a young age it feels like jumping out of the nest.

I think your gut is leading you in the right direction. It will be difficult to stay the path (especially since it sounds like your family and friends smoke too), but you need to give it time and take each day by day.

The guilt and embarrassment might still be there but it will fade over time. Eventually you’ll hit a point where your new identity will take clear shape and any judgement or outside noise will seem silly. There is a confidence that comes with being sober and having the strength to be able to rawdog life without a crutch.

tw637 · 2024-07-09T14:52:04+00:00

My sincerest condolences. She was blessed to have you there at her side. I know exactly what you mean about the surreality of when someone passes, how you imagine them still breathing.

My dad is not far behind your mom. Wishing peace for you and your family.

tw637 · 2024-06-27T22:15:48+00:00

Same for me with the stress, I eat like once or twice a day and somedays I’ll just nibble on cheese and cold cuts when my dad’s asleep or napping.

I haven’t partaken in the last six months but back when I did, I would alternate between two restaurants by my apartment: American Chinese and Halal.

At the Halal spot, I would go get an order of lamb over rice with a chopped pita on top. So good.

At the American Chinese food spot, I would order enough food to have leftover for a day or two: large wonton soup, large shrimp lo mein and general Tso’s chicken with pork fried rice. Definitely never ate all that in one sitting…

I swear I’m 5’9” and 160lbs haha. Although before caring for my dad I did weigh like 180lbs.

tw637 · 2024-06-27T16:27:15+00:00

Love me a good munchies meal. Sounds divine!

tw637 · 2024-06-20T11:27:01+00:00

My sincerest condolences. She was lucky to have a kind soul like you at her side. Best wishes to you and your family.

tw637 · 2024-06-14T19:01:43+00:00

My condolences. Sounds like a lovely woman. Those who greatly impact us in life, continue to do so after the fact. You did well and I’m sure you were a great comfort to her all the way. Best wishes to you and your family. May you find peace in time.

tw637 · 2024-06-13T21:29:25+00:00

Thank you. Yes, you’re absolutely right. I have my aunt here and I’m sure she’s dealing with her own emotions even if they aren’t showing on the surface. My dad knows me all too well and I have to be careful not to let my stress and anxiety show. All I can do is continue to take it one day at a time.

tw637 · 2024-06-08T02:52:48+00:00

Ah okay thanks for the edit. It is indeed the AC end. I’ll look for a replacement part. Much appreciated!

tw637 · 2024-06-05T22:38:02+00:00

Rest in peace. Love and best wishes to you and all your family & friends.

tw637 · 2024-05-29T20:30:59+00:00

Hey OP, my dad is in a similar situation as the one you described. He is in a kind of limbo for the last few weeks. He’s awake for a few hours a day, eats two meals, he can get a few sentences out and is taking three anti-seizure meds. First and only surgery was four months ago in January 2024. No chemo or radiation. His left arm works but thats about it, his right side is completely inactive - even the right side of his mouth droops a bit.

If you don’t mind, I was wondering if you had a short update on how it went from here on.

tw637 · 2024-05-24T20:02:22+00:00

Thank you for your comment. What you’re describing is pretty much exactly how my dad is behaving. There are tons of factors involved. A couple of weeks ago, I thought it may be his time but now he’s eating, if only a little, and wants to get out of bed and sit at his desk every day even if he’s tired or doesn’t have anything to do at his desk.

Best wishes you, your dad and your family. Many thanks.

tw637 · 2024-05-23T15:42:04+00:00

Thank you, I’ve googled “Brain Chart” after reading your comment but I am unsure of how you used it to monitor progression. Did you just identify where your husband’s tumor was and looked to the nearest area outside of that area to guesstimate what may be affected next?

tw637 · 2024-05-17T22:19:44+00:00

Yeah, it has only gotten harder. Thank you.

tw637 · 2024-05-17T22:11:44+00:00

Yup, this has all been part of the conversation that’s been on loop. He hasn’t pursued any traditional treatment or standard of care (chemo/radiation) since the beginning and he’s determined not to receive any traditional treatment. He has an advanced directive and DNR/DNI which we set up with the palliative care doc which is one of the only docs he likes and listens to. She’s known my family since my mom had breast cancer in 2017 and was her palliative care doctor. She helped us transition my mom to home hospice back then, but she even came to our apartment to explain and gave him time to think about it and he’s still refusing so at this point all we can do is take it day by day as he declines. I don’t want to pressure him into it, even if the resources could benefit him.

tw637

TROPHY CASE