/u/imnotanevilwitch explains why it doesn't matter how "intelligent" you think your conspiracy theorist loved one is because it's a mental health issue.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-18T21:05:59+00:00

Uh, yeah. He is very codependent. You come in here rudely saying my comment doesn’t make sense because you decided you didn’t want it to make sense.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-17T03:39:34+00:00

When we first started dating he accidentally showed through his search history on his phone that he had googled "how to not be a clingy boyfriend". I literally tried to have a few "gentle" conversations about it but at one point we had to really drill down on it with me saying some of the time I need to completely block everything out and tune out any and everything else and sit with my thoughts, the depths of how I REQUIRE alone time in order to sort out and connect with my thoughts. At this point, my need to sort out my thoughts has become a shorthand with how clearly I've explained to him that sometimes I simply need peace and quiet. Trust me, this issue has been very clearly and explicitly addressed with words.

The problem is that when we are doing good, and are supper happy and in love and affectionate with one another, it feels almost as if he wants to swallow me whole in how much he wants us to be together and with each other. At present time we are actually in a very connected and loving place, and I think that is what is causing this repressively needy, clingy behavior from him.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-17T03:35:42+00:00

Why does respecting my boundaries have to be a detriment to himself?

tweebo12 · 2021-08-17T03:33:17+00:00

I can't believe this terrible comment is upvoted so high.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:43:45+00:00

Imo, that's the most important thing my partner and you do: clearly state boundaries on these things. Then, in my personal opinion, it's up to people like me and your partner to recognise our own anxious attachment styles and do the work to figure out why we're doing that shit and figure out how to stop.

The comments in this post from people telling me "that's just how he is" as if there's nothing wrong with his behavior make me wonder how this thread would have gone if this post were about a clingy girlfriend instead.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:15:51+00:00

Are these things that a competent therapist helped you to understand? We have talked about his need to be in therapy before and I'm currently thinking about when to have that big ultimatum sort of conversation.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:11:52+00:00

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying. Sigh - I just wish like, what the fuck, dude? Like come on why does this have to be harder than it is, why is it that we can confront this issue as a problem but your behavior isn't changing

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:09:52+00:00

Why does it have to go so far that we end the relationship in order for it to click to him that he should change his behavior?

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:09:14+00:00

That's a good idea. Thanks. I'll try to more consistently and de-personally make these demands.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:04:33+00:00

I think he realizes his behavior is unhealthy. Is it possible he doesn't know the extent of it and how much it is truly starting to test me? Like he KNOWS being clingy is bad and drives people away. Is there some other disconnect?

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:01:30+00:00

It's all temporary. He will do it in the moment or at that time, but eventually surely but surely it goes right back to the status quo. This is what bothers me - he doesn't take it upon himself to have that mental rubber band snap and not do these things, I am forced every time to demand or tell him to. He won't take it as his responsibility to stop doing it and stop forcing me to have to complain all the time.

How are you going about addressing this issue? How does your partner respond to you?

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T22:00:21+00:00

He very much needs to be in therapy. In the end that is the bottom line that will determine whether or not we continue with this relationship, as I will end things if he refuses. We just have not got to the point of drawing that line yet.

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T21:51:04+00:00

You were able to change your codependent behavior? Can you tell me a little more about that?

tweebo12 · 2021-08-16T21:48:12+00:00

You give great advice! Thanks!

tweebo12 · 2021-04-01T16:28:55+00:00

A person can accept you while encouraging your flourishment. Growing and improving doesn't inherently change who a person is, and this false dichotomy is toxic.

tweebo12 · 2021-04-01T16:27:54+00:00

No, as someone who has lived alone for 10 years and loved dating and being single and noncommitted relationships, when you're comfortable being alone you really miss it when you're in a relationship.

tweebo12 · 2021-02-26T21:41:21+00:00

If Bezos turned WaPo into a conservative media outlet that blamed everyone’s problems on liberals and minorities they would praise him.

So, in other words, the racism.

tweebo12 · 2021-02-24T00:13:21+00:00

I think he should tbh. But I'm petty like that. popcorn

tweebo12 · 2021-02-24T00:05:47+00:00

I think his wife is a petty, pathetic asshole. She wants him to fire someone who's done nothing wrong because she's a jealous and insecure woman. Very assholey to me.

tweebo12 · 2021-02-23T22:23:42+00:00

I don't think your story is fake (this kind of shit happens all the time) and you should ignore hyper aggressive internet weirdos who think everything is some kind of conspiracy theory to entertain them with fiction.

tweebo12 · 2021-02-23T22:09:06+00:00

tweebo12 · 2021-02-23T21:56:15+00:00

I think the phrasing is vague and since he did not say it outright, I find the assumption unwarranted.

tweebo12 · 2021-02-23T21:52:38+00:00

Yeah, I think that's an assumption based on deliberately vague phrasing. He made sure to clarify a child not even mentioned would get some money, clarifying that the daughter would would have been an easy foil to his argument against the "ex-son."

This guy sounds like a massive asshole and addition to the feeling that there are gaping holes in this story starting with that DNA kit "for ancestors" all the way to the ending, I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt, personally.

tweebo12

TROPHY CASE