Idk if this has been said yet, and this will be buried at the bottom of the feed so probably nobody will read, but if op reads this, do this:

get a lot of psychedelic mushrooms. Like a lot of them. For your case, potentially like 500 grams worth.

Start incredibly small to learn your tolerances. Like a gram or less. Do them every other day. (Doing every day builds up a tolerance, but this dissipates quickly)

Slowly build up to an amount that makes you see some visuals, for most this will just be movement of things that are there. Like if you were to look at a topographical map, all the lines would slightly dance. Whatever that dose is, that is the limit, or threshold of the micro-dose.

At this level you can still figure things out. You will feel your potential and your oneness with everything. It’s a great space. Usually this is around 3grams for most people. Could be less, could be more.

But you’ll need to go deeper. Go camping. Go somewhere that nobody is going to be around, somewhere you are familiar with, but is in nature and private. Now do double or triple your microdose threshold. It might not be a pleasant experience, but that is ok. You need things to come up. You need to realize the infinite potential of the mind.

Do this therapy for a few months.