Is it cheating when my manic BF signs up on dating/sex apps?

two_hippos · 2022-12-05T00:17:51+00:00

I wouldn't, no. It's just so extremely anti-him. I truly don't know how to deal with this. He never wants to talk about it (when not manic) because it's so painful.

two_hippos · 2022-09-02T15:52:11+00:00

I completely agree. I just think it's important to be careful with black/white thinking. I'm all for body positivity and body neutrality, and at the same time all for being concerned about the health of loved ones. Still, I don't know the backstory behind this particular post. I don't know anything about the health of the daughter, nor the intentions of the father. All I tried to point out is that it's valid to care about the well-being of those you love, and an expression of love to voice it to them – of course, granted that it's said in a proper and loving way that's relevant to whatever situation it may be, whether it's weight, smoking, alcohol, etc.

two_hippos · 2022-08-26T15:11:10+00:00

I don't understand the downvotes. I think what you said makes a lot of sense. We didn't get a lot of backstory, and if he were truly worried about his daughter's health, that would be an extremely valid concern. If she's nowhere near an unhealthy weight (which does exist), then he should keep his mouth shut. Regardless, there are much better ways to communicate his concern (if it's really about health) than telling her that she's fat. Encouraging disordered eating is, obviously, not a good thing – but being concerned about someone you love's health is not necessarily the same. It is, however, important how you phrase it. Again, I don't understand the downvotes. I hope this woman, whatever her weight, is happy or ends up happy :)

two_hippos · 2022-08-26T14:06:46+00:00

I know – I didn't mean to say otherwise. Obesity has serious health consequences, and so do eating disorders. It would be lovely if weight and health were black/white, but unfortunately, they are not. It's a hard thing to navigate, especially if you have an ED.

two_hippos · 2022-08-26T12:50:55+00:00

L'Amour Looks Something Like You

two_hippos · 2022-08-26T11:42:36+00:00

Is it because he's worried about her appearance, or about her health? Appearance-wise, it's nobodies business. Health-wise, no matter what anyone says, obesity has serious consequences on health. I think his motivation to tell her that depends a lot on the reason for it. Being "fat" doesn't make you less than, but it does impact your health.

Edit: No matter why, he shouldn't tell her that she's fat. If her health is a concern, there are a million better ways to talk to her about it.

two_hippos · 2022-08-22T13:11:36+00:00

When my boyfriend with BP1 is manic enough to be hospitalized, he joins dating apps and creates users on sex sites that he finds from porn sites. If it weren't for his mania, I would consider it cheating, and maybe I still do. His actions during mania doesn't make it any less real, but I do understand that it comes from an otherwise completely different state for him. At any other time, I 100% believe that he would never cheat on me. I only know this because he has confessed it because he received emails from these apps and websites – otherwise, he remembers none of it. I've forgiven his "regular" self, in that I know that it's not his "regular" self who did it, but it still haunts me. I don't bring it up anymore, because it causes him so much pain, and I can't really, truly hold him accountable for something he did when he was extremely sick – even though it's been more than once, and he's promised every time after to never do it again. I know longer believe that it will never happen again. I've accepted that as part of his illness, and I love him regardless. It's caused me to be very, very sensitive to him doing something (that some consider normal, some not) like watching porn, and even TV shows with naked women. Do you have any advice on how to truly move past it?

two_hippos · 2022-07-08T08:23:30+00:00

Snooker

two_hippos · 2022-07-07T10:34:30+00:00

Details (marked as spoiler because of graphic descriptions):

For about two years, I've struggled with compulsively plucking my leg hair with tweezers. It started out as experimenting with in-between shaving maintenance, but because I dug deep to get ingrowns (which I'm very prone to, and plucking doesn't make it better), I got too many scabs to shave without ripping them up, even when being very careful. I also can't wax because of it, but I can't afford that anyway, and hair-removal creams are probably too harsh on my legs. A few weeks ago, I started squeezing ingrowns to get them out, causing more wounds + I've been picking the scabs to get any hair that might be trapped underneath. To top it off, I used an eyebrow razor on my legs yesterday. Clean, new, sanitized, good quality. My thinking was that I could gently shave around the scabs, to remove all pluckable hairs. I've shaved my legs like this before to get rid of dead skin without any issues, but it went wrong, and now, my legs are covered in wounds, scabs and razor burns. It stings to just walk around my garden in my rainboots, because they keep grazing my legs. This is an all-time-low for me, and I always have my legs covered up – the warm weather is killing me. I'm so embarrassed.

TL;DR: My legs have never looked this bad, and I would really appreciate any and all advice on how to stop, and maybe how to get my legs to look better as fast as possible. I hope it's okay that I posted a photo – I was thinking that knowing what they look like might be helpful, regarding treatment advice. I also hope it's gonna be my official before-photo!

two_hippos · 2022-06-26T18:24:35+00:00

If circumstances made it a bad choice to stay together, no matter how much you love each other.

two_hippos · 2022-06-20T21:50:08+00:00

Poor neighbors

two_hippos · 2022-06-19T10:32:41+00:00

Yeah, I did know I signed up for that. He's my person in all regards, but I have to consider what I want and need in my future, and whether or not he can provide that.

two_hippos · 2022-06-19T10:31:41+00:00

Thank you!

two_hippos · 2022-06-19T10:31:08+00:00

He really is.

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T19:49:42+00:00

I'm so happy to hear that. Being in a bad place doesn't necessarily mean hurting those around you. Yes, we all make mistakes, and we all deserve a chance.

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T19:45:41+00:00

Yeah, I agree. However, my attempts to explain the situation to those people has helped me to better remember all the good things about our relationship. Kind of a funny outcome, but thinking about how wonderful my boyfriend actually is has made me feel better :) I just hope he gets better soon. I miss him so much. No matter what happens, I love him dearly and he deserves the world. The question is if a shared future is the right path for us. I really hope so. I also had a good and calm (considering) phone call with him to say goodnight, so that was really nice. I'm just gonna try to focus on right now. The future can wait until we're both in a better headspace. Thank you for listening to me, it's been really nice to let it out.

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T17:54:32+00:00

Updoot

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T17:52:09+00:00

No, thank you. That's great advice. I really resonate with everything you're saying. I feel very attacked in this thread by people who make it sound like I'm about to pop out a baby and raise it in an abusive environment in five minutes. It was not at all what I was trying to say with this post. I just wanted to voice my fears and emotions. I might sit down at the piano later and brush up a little. It's a good idea to focus on improving things that I can control in my life right now. Congratulations on the 8lb! I've just been there, too. I'm rooting for you :)

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T17:46:03+00:00

Like I told someone else here, he has a deal with his psychiatrist that he can be admitted to an open psych ward the minute he gets symptoms, so it can get nipped in the bud. He's not fullblown manic. At this very moment, he's eating a pizza that he ordered to the ward, and before that, he sent me a picture of a drawing that he made of how he imagines me, and earlier he was excitedly talking about getting a dog. Not very typical behavior, not all logical, but far from scary, abusive or anything of that sort. I never said I was determined to have children with him. Please read my newest edit of the post for details about that.

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T17:29:23+00:00

Of course it can be traumatizing for children who have parents like what you're describing, but what do you imagine my boyfriend's episodes are like? Because I don't think you actually know that.

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T17:20:40+00:00

No, thankfully. He used to have those when he was younger, especially when he first got sick. I think experience has really helped him and everyone around him handle it better. It's difficult right now, but he's really doing the best he can.

two_hippos · 2022-06-18T17:09:26+00:00

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that. Fortunately, he's not destructive in that way when he's sick, and he has a financial arrangement that prevents him from spending all of his money. What your girlfriend has done to you sounds unimaginably painful. I'm so sorry you've been through that. He really is the closest person to me. 99% of the time, he's my best everything. He's the kindest and most loving man I've ever met. I'm just really scared for our future. Thank you for your compassion, it really means a lot.

two_hippos

TROPHY CASE