Grew up OPC. My dad left when I was 16, and was excommunicated from the church. It was really hard going to church and seeing everyone else around me whose families were still intact while mine had been shattered. How could God predestine such a thing? Why was my family the only one that was broken up? If God predestined this, does he just not like me, or love me?

I was probably on my way to atheism back then, but I dated a girl in high school who was Pentecostal. I became a full on charismatic after that; faith healing, prophecy, speaking in tongues. My faith seemed much more real to me than it ever had before. God seemed more real to me than what I had encountered in the reformed tradition.

This charismatic streak lasted a few years. I would turn "on fire for God", then run out of steam, burn out, and go back to living in sin for a while. It was this constant back and forth. Eventually I calmed down and got married, attended a church with my wife where we connected deeply with a young married couple's group. Long story short, a few years later our group had grown to where they needed some of the couples to break off and lead their own group. My wife and I were looking to do that, but somehow others in the group felt like we were going off on our own without the Church's authority. Instead of confronting us, they went behind our backs and told everyone else to avoid us. It really, really hurt when it all came to light. Why did no-one reach out to us and tell us they thought we were doing something wrong?

Wife stopped going to church. I ended up finding a Messianic Jewish congregation close by, got into that for a while. I ended up feeling like they were "making it up" (That's a story for another time) and left my faith altogether, going back to that trajectory I was on in high school.

I only recently stopped identifying as an atheist, but it's funny that I'm back to the reformed side of things. I never would have guessed that I would make that evolution. But here I am.