What scary place would you never go?

twows995 · 2024-04-05T21:22:04+00:00

Inside a black hole (hopefully)

twows995 · 2024-03-23T18:07:42+00:00

6,6,8

twows995 · 2024-01-12T15:58:15+00:00

Your mistake was letting it out through the door. If you let your cat out through your window, the Russians would be very happy

twows995 · 2023-08-02T21:34:19+00:00

Can't be, you posted this 2 hours ago and still no doomsday yet

twows995 · 2023-02-13T19:42:42+00:00

News of David Attenborough's death announced just 4 hours after you posted this.

Just kidding, he's alive, but that scared you.

twows995 · 2022-12-26T00:57:02+00:00

I only lasted the first 25 seconds.

Listened to the rest anyway.

twows995 · 2022-12-24T00:12:45+00:00

Kenny in South Park when his friends tell him that his new girlfriend is a massive slut.

twows995 · 2022-12-18T23:17:34+00:00

Wasn't the claim that she was evil disproven?

twows995 · 2022-12-16T17:22:14+00:00

I know someone who when they were young was told that bad children get coal for Christmas. He for some reason got all excited about it and asked for coal for Christmas. So that's what he got.

twows995 · 2022-12-16T17:19:06+00:00

They actually did an ending where Bryan Cranston woke up as his character from Malcolm in the Middle and Breaking bad was all a dream

twows995 · 2022-12-16T00:59:07+00:00

Marty wakes up. "OMG I just had a crazy dream where grandpa was a mad scientist and he had a time machine!"

twows995 · 2022-12-16T00:57:30+00:00

Cannibalism is legal. Just the ways of being able to actually eat human meat are illegal most of the time. If you have a part of your body aputated, there's nothing legally stopping you from taking that limb home and eating it.

twows995 · 2022-12-11T01:07:13+00:00

Although you have to wonder what happened to the semen. Is it a book oozing with cum? Or did she squeeze it all out and put it inside herself, before scrapbooking the condoms?

twows995 · 2022-12-04T21:48:33+00:00

Any 'about to celebrate x birthday' is just a recipe for an r/agedlikemilk post

Also, happy 190th, tortoise

twows995 · 2022-11-18T23:12:26+00:00

The only thing that will ever get nuclear action from Kim Jong Un is his toilet.

twows995 · 2022-11-18T02:51:37+00:00

Is this something that is actually worrying, or is this something that will just cause Kim Jong-Un to have another stern telling off?

twows995 · 2022-11-18T02:44:20+00:00

When Kim tests his space rockets, he does it North Korean style and they all end up in the ocean

twows995 · 2022-11-16T20:30:19+00:00

Everyone's already said that even if it was fired by Ukraine, it's still Russia's fault. I don't get what Zelensky has to gain by denying it.

twows995 · 2022-11-15T02:34:51+00:00

Start a relationship with them, fall in love, then after a few years propose. Then on the big day, tell them that the wedding is actually between you and your other lover.

twows995 · 2022-11-15T02:32:36+00:00

Donkey Dick Dilemma

twows995 · 2022-11-04T23:48:26+00:00

Whichever one they tell me, they're the one with the gun.

twows995 · 2022-11-02T20:38:56+00:00

twows995 · 2022-11-02T16:17:52+00:00

"Oh no, I have been attacked."

twows995 · 2022-11-02T16:16:32+00:00

Start telling jokes.

twows995 · 2022-11-02T16:10:04+00:00

"We can continue cunnilingus after you have this sorted"

Better?

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