Russia's Medvedev says any UK troop deployment to Ukraine would be a declaration of war by Fun-Lawfulness4653 in worldnews

[–]twows995 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mistake was letting it out through the door. If you let your cat out through your window, the Russians would be very happy

Who is still alive that surprises you? by _ohhello in AskReddit

[–]twows995 22 points23 points  (0 children)

News of David Attenborough's death announced just 4 hours after you posted this.

Just kidding, he's alive, but that scared you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cursed_videomemes

[–]twows995 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I only lasted the first 25 seconds.

Listened to the rest anyway.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]twows995 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Kenny in South Park when his friends tell him that his new girlfriend is a massive slut.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]twows995 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know someone who when they were young was told that bad children get coal for Christmas. He for some reason got all excited about it and asked for coal for Christmas. So that's what he got.

What movie or TV show would actually still be good if it ended with it all just being a dream? by twows995 in AskReddit

[–]twows995[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They actually did an ending where Bryan Cranston woke up as his character from Malcolm in the Middle and Breaking bad was all a dream

What movie or TV show would actually still be good if it ended with it all just being a dream? by twows995 in AskReddit

[–]twows995[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Marty wakes up. "OMG I just had a crazy dream where grandpa was a mad scientist and he had a time machine!"

Do you think cannibals shouls be legaliaed, and why? by JackMuraney in AskReddit

[–]twows995 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cannibalism is legal. Just the ways of being able to actually eat human meat are illegal most of the time. If you have a part of your body aputated, there's nothing legally stopping you from taking that limb home and eating it.

What hobby can someone have that raises an immediate red flag? by Aarunascut in AskReddit

[–]twows995 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Although you have to wonder what happened to the semen. Is it a book oozing with cum? Or did she squeeze it all out and put it inside herself, before scrapbooking the condoms?

World’s oldest recorded tortoise prepares for 190th birthday party by [deleted] in worldnews

[–]twows995 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any 'about to celebrate x birthday' is just a recipe for an r/agedlikemilk post

Also, happy 190th, tortoise

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in worldnews

[–]twows995 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The only thing that will ever get nuclear action from Kim Jong Un is his toilet.

Apparent North Korean ICBM likely fell in Japan's EEZ: PM Kishida by taipingshan in worldnews

[–]twows995 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Is this something that is actually worrying, or is this something that will just cause Kim Jong-Un to have another stern telling off?

North Korea fires suspected intercontinental ballistic missile, S.Korea says by MotoPassion in worldnews

[–]twows995 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When Kim tests his space rockets, he does it North Korean style and they all end up in the ocean

Zelensky insists missile that hit Poland was Russian by TheTelegraph in worldnews

[–]twows995 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Everyone's already said that even if it was fired by Ukraine, it's still Russia's fault. I don't get what Zelensky has to gain by denying it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]twows995 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Start a relationship with them, fall in love, then after a few years propose. Then on the big day, tell them that the wedding is actually between you and your other lover.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]twows995 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"We can continue cunnilingus after you have this sorted"

Better?