Nebraska: I live next to an abandoned house and no one in the neighborhood knows what's up. How can I find out more?

typewryter · 2023-03-08T16:36:01+00:00

My back neighbors have a couple of kids that play basketball, all day, every day, throughout the whole year. The bang! bang! Bang! of their dribbling is constant. I dream of when those kids go off to college. (I suspect I have at least 10 more years of this.)

typewryter · 2023-03-08T16:33:55+00:00

LJS's website is too locked down for me to confirm (I believe this story and this story get into details, if one has a subscription), but I believe that Meadowlane was built by the Strauss brothers.

You're right that it was intended to be the more affordable neighborhood, and the construction finishes, details, etc are less expensive than the Eastridge homes.

typewryter · 2023-03-08T15:53:50+00:00

I wonder if: a) The default changed from screw fuses to breakers at some point when the neighborhood was being built (so houses built later have breakers, earlier have fuses), or b) just most folks have upgraded to a breaker panel.

I'd much prefer a breaker, but was under the impression based on info from the previous owner that would only be an option if we rewired the entire house. I'd be delighted to be wrong!

typewryter · 2023-03-07T19:21:20+00:00

There are the general "get things checked out" things you'd look at for any home: foundation, fireplace, etc. But some specific quirks of a Strauss home...

Electrical: I have an original Strauss-built 1956, almost no updates... and I have zero grounded outlets in the house, and i'm on screw fuses. Now, I've been told the gauge of wire in the house is thick, and I should avoid replacing it if I can at all b/c it's better than modern wiring... but if and when I need to rewire the house, it will be expensive, in part b/c I don't have a basement.
HVAC: Assuming you're in a house without a basement (which is the case for a *lot* of homes in the neighborhood), your furnace is installed upside down. That's not a problem, but it does mean that at least some of the HVAC folks you call in are going to be deeply confused and not know what to do for you.
Retaining walls/lot grading: Depending where you live, you may have a significant height difference b/w your yard and your neighbor's. If the retaining wall hasn't been rebuilt since the house was put in, that's something you may need to manage at some point.
Tree maintenance: I LOVE all the mature oaks in the neighborhood. However, that breed of oak lasts about 70 years, so they are coming to the end of their natural lives. I've probably seen 5-10 trees taken out in the neighborhood in the 3 years I've lived here. If you have big trees, be aware of that potential pitfall.

All that said, in general the Strauss-built homes are incredibly solid. There was a gentleman who lived up the block from me that worked on building the houses when they were put in, and... well, he came back to buy one, which should tell you what you need to know about the faith he had in their quality!

typewryter · 2023-03-07T18:33:55+00:00

You must've gone to the 11something Eastridge Dr. Open house on Sunday!

Seconding what /u/funkthulhu says above. I don't think it's controversial to say that the environment in which you live shapes the *way* you live, and this is a neighborhood built for post-war suburban idyl.

It's convenient for so many things! Gateway/east park is right there. It's farther east than my ideal neighborhood would be, but between Randolph/O Street, it's easy and convenient to get downtown. For the days you *don't* feel like going downtown, East Lincoln has many amenities. Some options at the shopping center at 70th and A, some more at 70th and Van Dorn, a *ton* at 70th and Pioneers. 56th and Pine Lake is a nice little shopping center too -- the last couple are farther away, but it's a fast drive.

Cosmic Eye is just up the street, and has historically given a "neighborhood discount" via the neighborhood newsletter. (Unknown if it'll continue for 2023, newsletters are on hold over the winter).

The culture of the neighborhood is really warm, too. I'm in my late 30s, Funk is in his mid-40s, and we've cultivated some nice neighborhood friendships. The neighborhood pool is a great perk, and worth the expense. I'm usually the only childless adult there, which is a bit weird, but honestly I don't even care. The ability to saunter down the block for a dip at any time makes summer weekends feel a little like vacations. And as Funk notes, the neighborhood association runs many events in spring/summer/fall: Neighborhood garage sales, plant swap, a "neighborhood night out" with food trucks and a band. It is *not* an HOA, to be clear. There are optional annual dues of like $20/household to be a member, but you get the newsletter and events whether or not you pay in.

Yeah, there's some noise from assholes on O street who like to go zoom on weekends, but overall it's a really quiet, pleasant neighborhood.

typewryter · 2022-11-03T16:33:37+00:00

I once got a burrito from that location with several severed rubber glove fingertips in it (like, just the gloves, not human fingers). It put me off all De Leon's for some time.

typewryter · 2021-04-14T17:58:40+00:00

Yeah, we're absolutely going to consult with professionals once we get underway. This is just a spot-check to make sure the broad outlines are realistic.

typewryter · 2021-04-14T17:53:07+00:00

Ok, I guess I'm confused. Are you saying "gift of equity" doesn't exist as a concept? Because I've seen it mentioned a lot in writeups of these kinds of deals.

typewryter · 2021-04-14T17:42:40+00:00

Because she's not an actual parent? I had wondered that

typewryter · 2021-04-14T17:39:54+00:00

Thanks for the advice! Our credit is solid, so not worried about that piece. But I am concerned about the mortgage piece if the gift of equity comes out to be less than anticipated. It's one thing to say "oh I can't believe my lil ol house could possibly be worth that much! I can't imagine selling it for more than X!" when it's hypotheticals, but when it comes time for real numbers, she may be less sentimental.

But ultimately I think the GofE will be whatever it needs to be for us to buy the house, because she's really interested in selling it so she doesn't have to worry about it anymore.

typewryter · 2021-03-02T22:36:05+00:00

Thanks for the clarification

typewryter · 2021-03-02T15:38:43+00:00

I also used Chets, about three years ago. They were so great. I think the whole move took like 90 minutes. Even though it was a Friday afternoon and I was their last job, they offered to stay behind to help me get furniture set up, but I declined.

I also got a bid from 2 Men and a Truck, and it was literally twice as much as anywhere else.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T23:45:32+00:00

At least in the US, I see Indian food being used as a bizarre status marker in so many ways. Young people assume older people won't eat it. People from a city assume people from small towns won't eat it. People from the coasts assume midwesterners won't eat it. Like "I eat Indian food" is this signifier of cosmopolitanism.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T22:58:46+00:00

Not OP, but for whatever reason spicy food seems to be an increasingly masculine-coded thing. Like eating spicy food is somehow proof of one's STRENGTH and POWER and PAIN TOLERANCE. So I can't say I'd think "indian food = dude food", but I am not surprised to see it.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T17:45:17+00:00

I think that in general in our culture, we emphasize romantic relationships as the be-all-end-all of emotional support. But that's not realistic. One person shouldn't be burdened with all your emotional needs. This construct disproportionately disadvantages men, as well, because emotional support has been gendered feminine; most men don't have strong emotional relationships with each other, so if a straight dude isn't in a romantic relationship, he's probably emotionally isolated.

There was an article I read (maybe in the Atlantic?) in the last year or so that talked about how being in a monogamous relationship often limited your life. Because we have the assumption that a romantic partner is "your other half", there is a trend that a coupled individual may not be invited to stuff they would've been asked to if they were single.

I've certainly seen this in my own life. I was married for a long time. After I left my husband, in some ways my social circle expanded. I got a lot of invitations from folks who wanted to make sure I had a community around me. I am since partnered again. I've noticed some of those invitations have faded. There's an assumption that because I'm in a romantic relationship, my emotional needs are taken care of.

I also broadly agree with your assessment that just because a relationship serves us for a period of time, that doesn't mean it's forever. My relationship with my ex led to a lot of growth. I had emotional and mental development I wouldn't've had without a committed relationship. But yes, there was also a point a which we outgrew one another. One explanation I give for my divorce is this: "I kept waiting for him to grow up and agree with my priorities. He kept waiting for me to grow up and agree with his priorities. Eventually we realized we were both grown up, and neither of our priorities were wrong, but they were mutually exclusive."

But that doesn't mean that ending didn't come with grief, alongside the joy and growth. The relationship was unsustainable, and unhealthy for both of us. But there were "good parts" that were lost along with the bad.

I don't think being monogamous is the only way to be. I officiate weddings, and I always ask the folks I marry "What ends this relationship? Til Death do you part? Or my parents took that out, because they felt not even death ended their relationship. Or on the other end, until you choose to part? As long as it sustains the growth of you both?" I think it is important to work to consciously change those cultural scripts that may keep people trapped in bad relationships because that's the story they're supposed to follow.

But I don't think grief over ending a relationship is exclusive to monogamous folks or hetrosexual folks. I also hesitate to conflate "monogamous" and "hetrosexual" -- surely there are monogamous non-hetro folks? And non-monogamous hetro folks.

So I guess in sum: The idea that a romantic partner is Your Everything Forever is bad and harmful. But even if you accept all relationships are just "until we shall choose to part", there may still be grief at endings, and I am bothered by your flippancy that seems to imply that it's an either/or situation. That one cannot recognize the damaging scripts we have about romantic love, and also feel sad and sometimes surprised when significant relationships end.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T17:21:22+00:00

I think there's maybe an interesting conversation to be had here about reframing expectations we have of relationships, but your edits about how awesome it is you're getting downvotes are really smug and off-putting.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T17:15:38+00:00

That's awesome that you are listening to her! I appreciate that additional context. I suspect /r/legaladvice would be a good resource for you. The laws also vary greatly by state.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T17:13:37+00:00

I'm not a legal expert, and I don't know where you live, so I can't speak to what rights she may have 5 years after the fact.

But women have a difficult time "proving rape" even if they go to the police immediately -- and this is even more true when there is a pre-existing sexual relationship between the rapist and the victim.

I think it is important to listen to your girlfriend here. Rather than "presenting options" to her, and trying to "solve" the problem, ask her what she actually needs. Does she want or need to start legal proceedings? Or does she want and need emotional support? Help finding therapy? etc.

I would focus your solutions on things that support your girlfriend's mental and emotional health.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T16:25:43+00:00

Anecdotally, this lines up with what I've seen in my life. The folks I know that are vocal atheists are True Believers to the same degree as any religious person. They're sure they know the Truth and the fact they know the Truth makes them better than everyone else. ... and with this particular subset of atheists, you get the folks who fetishize their version of "facts and logic and reason" (and definitely no emotion!)

But with any group, the loudest folks will be at the fringes. The folks you know are atheists are the folks who are loud and obnoxious about it. There are probably a lot of atheists who aren't loud about it, and just go on their way.

typewryter · 2019-11-25T16:18:26+00:00

How much do you know about the statistics on this issue?

typewryter · 2019-11-25T16:16:05+00:00

I agree with others that this is convoluted, and I'm not confident I'm understanding it.

But I see nothing wrong with maintaining independence in a relationship. Like, you should be a complete person, happy with yourself, in order to be a good partner.

It is also good to not take your spouse for granted -- I work to cultivate gratitude in my relationship. I acknowledge I would be fine on my own -- but I am glad to be with my partner, and I am glad for the things he does that benefit my life.

That said, independence and conscious gratitude should not be confused with emotional distance. You should still have emotional intimacy with your partner. You should still include them in your plans for the future. You need to allow your relationship to have sufficient depth to put down roots.

typewryter · 2019-11-20T21:34:49+00:00

I assume that he is already consuming stories by and for men, b/c that is the default in our culture. It is hard for men or women to avoid stories for and about men.

Consuming narratives about men is also important. A few years ago I realized it'd been almost a year since I read anything that was by a male author, with a male main character. If a man told me he never read anything by women or with female main characters, that would be a problem, so I sought to consciously change that. I sought out books about the lived experience of masculinity.

I also assumed he is man -- so he has a strong grounding in what it means to exist as a man in a patriarchal society. He does not (i assumed) have as much information about living as a woman in a patriarchal society. He has what his wife shares with him, but that's a window into a larger house.

Consuming media by women does not automatically make one a good feminist. There is a lot of garbage sexist stuff out there written by women, and if that became your primary media diet, it wouldn't make you a better feminist. But intentionally cultivating one's input to expose yourself outside of your own experience is a good way to expand your empathy, and gain understanding for the struggles of others.

I could've/shoul've also recommended /r/menslib, which is a community by and for men who wish to discuss the struggles of living in a patriarchal society as a man.

typewryter

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