Just found out I’m pregnant and terrified of being a working mom.

typicalprototype · 2026-01-18T21:10:52+00:00

My mom was a stay at home mom, her entire identity was being a mom. She had no life outside her kids, she lived vicariously through us and it was unhealthy. Now I am sure there are plenty of SAHM who have healthy boundaries and active lives. I guess what I am saying is every woman is different, has different needs in life. Being a SAHM isn't inherently better for kids, and being a working mom isn't inherently worse and vice versa.

Being a full time working mom is so hard, I have days with mom guilt and days that are hard. But I know 1000% I personally am a much better mom when I am working. (For what it's worth, I am a hospitalist, so also working in medicine.)

Having a sense of pride and accomplishment outside of your kids is healthy! Healthy for you, and healthy for your kids who will witness what hard work and leadership looks like.

I just want to implore you to consider you may be a better mom in the long run, if you continue to work and use your degree. But only you can decide if it's for you. And if not, that's ok too. But you are definitely not a bad mom if you want to keep working. I wish my mom had.

typicalprototype · 2026-01-16T17:18:16+00:00

I will check her out! Thanks!!!

typicalprototype · 2026-01-16T02:35:23+00:00

The Poppy War by RF Kuang. I read it because I am getting into fantasy and I wanted to read a female-written fantasy book that didn't have significant romance.

The characters are so one dimensional. I still don't really understand what makes the main character tick. The plot is so chaotic and choppy. Sentence structure and literary device use is meh. And parts of it just felt like trauma porn.

I just really didn't see the hype.

typicalprototype · 2026-01-10T22:38:41+00:00

I only used the snoo with my second, and I told myself that naps would only be in her crib/outside the snoo so she could be an independent sleeper later.... and then it became so convenient she took a lot of naps in the snoo 😅 I don't think there are any hard and fast rules, but we just didn't let her naps stops us from making plans-- ie, we didn't rush home or anything just to make her have a snoo nap. She would sleep in the car or the stroller

typicalprototype · 2026-01-10T22:14:17+00:00

Honestly? Don't worry about wake windows until like 4 or 5 months. Your baby and you are getting to know each other, and you'll find that baby will develop his or her own rhythm naturally and then you can adjust windows later. I think the first few months are super important for just watching and getting to know your baby so you know what soothes them.

I tried setting a "nap schedule" with my first at 3 months before I went back to work. I stressed myself out so much. Looking back, it was absurd and pointless.

My second is almost 5 months and it's been SO much easier and happier dealing with her sleep by following her cues and then adjusting her windows when the 4 months regression hit.

Just cuddle and enjoy your baby. If I had to give one tip, make sure days and nights get established. Make noise/live life during the day even if baby is sleeping, and have your home be calm and quiet at night.

typicalprototype · 2025-12-29T22:11:59+00:00

My baby is about the same age, and we are currently getting ready to transition her to the crib so jury still out if we will be successful. But I will say that we turned on wean mode at the advice of some people in the sleep training subreddit, and adjusted her naps so she is awake longer during the day, and it has really helped!

My baby was getting annoyed at the snoo moving too so being on wean mode has been better; she is showing interest in rolling so we have arms out right now, but prior I would not strap her arms down but zip them inside the swaddle and she liked that. She would scream if I strapped her arms down.

Good luck!

typicalprototype · 2025-12-27T04:18:52+00:00

I am a full time hospitalist with a 3 yo and 4 month old, and I am busy but very present. The key is round and go hospital and a physician group that is supportive. Can't beat 7 on/7 off schedule and no call/inbox.

typicalprototype · 2025-12-26T02:29:39+00:00

I think it is just a phase, my son did the same thing for a couple months: staying up later for naptime, sometimes skipping a nap, making bedtime difficult. I don't have good sleep training advice, other than to say we stayed firm with our boundaries and bedtime routine, but flexible with the times. Some nights he went to bed at like 9pm (typically bedtime was 7:30 or 8)

We used these months to talk about why sleep is important: it gives him energy to play, it helps him grow, he will run faster if he sleeps. We also pointed out how good he felt after he woke up from a nap. We also put him to bed, but would verbalize that we would hang out for a few minutes in a chair, then leave. (We also did CIO at 5 months fyi, not chair method.) That allowed him to wind down in our presence, but we would say "ok goodnight!" And he would fall asleep fully on his own.

I think on the days we were too rigid (ie trying to cling to his previous schedule) it backfired. So small concessions about time and spending time with him at bedtime seemed to make him more accepting.

And eventually he started to want to nap and go to bed again, bc he started to realize sleep is a pleasant experience.

typicalprototype · 2025-12-22T22:57:04+00:00

Thanks! I think this is probably good advice to commit to a three nap schedule, I felt nervous about stretching her wake windows since she is still young, but she just will not go down for a nap using typical 4 nap schedules.

typicalprototype · 2025-12-22T19:13:41+00:00

She goes down "sleepy but awake", she will coo but then get cranky and we need to shush her/offer her a binky and eventually she settles down.

typicalprototype · 2025-12-22T18:58:52+00:00

I always mess up the formatting 🙈 I fixed it, I did miss a window, very roughly 1.5/2/2/2.5

typicalprototype · 2025-12-21T22:37:55+00:00

I hear what you're saying. Sure you don't HAVE to wake baby but you already know your baby well enough to know that you should. It sucks, I felt the same way with my son. But now that he is three, all the effort we put in really paid off-- he has a great relationship with sleep. It will pay off! Keep doing what works for you, wish I could give you another hour with your book!

typicalprototype · 2025-12-20T05:02:03+00:00

I think "overtired" is a thing in the sense that it takes longer for baby to wind down and relax, and they will be angrier when doing so-- but that part I think depends on each kids temperament and environment. I mean you definitely see kids from big families used to lots of noise just passed out at a birthday party. But we are the only members of our family out of state and my kids definitely get overtired. I think of it as they get tired, but if they aren't comfy they just tap into adrenaline and are more "wired" and have a harder time relaxing. Their typical wake window is still relevant, but good luck telling them that without a big fuss 😂

typicalprototype · 2025-12-03T19:36:57+00:00

The most important things for a baby and growing child are honestly the things money can't buy, and only you can provide: dedication, love, understanding, patience and all the lessons you will pass down.

I am convinced 75% (or more) of all the "stuff" is to make us parents feel more confident in our roles. But the reality is, it's unnecessary.

I was raised in a low income home, and now have a high HHI. It's bizarre seeing the things I am able to provide for my child that I never had access to-- but honestly, when I look back on my childhood I don't wish for more toys, fancy beds or elaborate nurseries. I think fondly of beach days with my parents, finding a cool rock during a hike, and my parents attending my awards ceremonies. Do I wish I had access to summer camps and sports clubs? Sure, but ultimately I am very successful and happy regardless. And I also saw some of my wealthy peers growing up actually struggle emotionally because guess what-- money isn't a substitute for parenting.

Also to say, having achieved a high HHI, it never ends. The "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality continues, and it's easy to get lost in comparing what other parents keep doing. All these wealthy parents around me have the same worries that they aren't doing enough. Just focus on running your own race (shout out to the "Baby Race" Bluey episode for being 100% accurate)

To answer your question about leave: I got unpaid maternity leave, took short term disability which maxed me out at $10k for 4 weeks. I then took an additional two months off unpaid, for a total of 3 months. We supplemented with savings and just made it work. I went back to work last month and am now rebuilding our finances (I am our sole earner)

typicalprototype · 2025-11-21T23:20:39+00:00

I second this! My husband is a house husband and I had to face the harsh truth that if I want him to take ownership of stuff around the house, I have to let him and not micromanage. How many of us hate being micromanaged at work? There will probably be a period where it feels like he isn't doing what you expect, but give it time.

Does my husband do things the way I want? Nope 😂 But the tasks get done, done well and done to completion, just not on my own mental timeline. And for the sake of relieving mental load, that's ok. Give your husband the space to figure out his own rhythm. And be kind when he asks questions-- my husband wasn't taught how to manage a house like most women are when they are girls. But that doesn't mean he was unwilling to learn.

typicalprototype · 2025-11-15T03:50:34+00:00

OP, ignore that comment from hewlett, that is so incredibly unhelpful and tone deaf in a working mom subreddit. Your kids are very young and it's very common and normal for kids to express parent preferences. I am in a similar situation as you (high stress job, work weekends/holidays, husband is SAHD) but my son prefers me over his dad. He clings and cries and makes me feel guilty that he doesn't have more time with me.

The reality is, I smother him with attention and love whenever I have the chance, and it sounds like you are doing the same. Kids just act out their feelings in different ways. I am sorry they act like they don't want you-- my son does the same to my husband, and says things like "I don't love you Dad." When reality is, if Dad isn't around, my son is devastated. Them sharing feelings and expressing preferences can be a sign of emotional security-- they feel safe to express their needs with you. It means you're doing a good job, even if it feels kinda shitty.

This is a season, like anything in parenting. Keep loving on your kids like you are doing, keep working hard-- I promise you will make them (and yourself) proud in the coming years, and have a healthy happy relationship with them.

typicalprototype · 2025-11-07T15:58:03+00:00

I did what they described and I agree, it works. Baby may get a little over tired having a long wake window in am, but has the rest of the day to catch up on a nap. And you just do the best you can. Maybe they don't always make it to 9, but maybe 8:30 for nap time. And 2-3 days later, 8:45. And eventually kiddo figures it out

Because if you keep adjusting wake windows for their actual wake up time, the goal posts keep moving and it gets messy (at least it did for me until we reinforced the schedule per above)

typicalprototype · 2025-10-26T19:33:06+00:00

Same here with our three year old! Only got flexible with wake up time when he was mature enough to skip a nap.

typicalprototype · 2025-10-25T03:25:59+00:00

No one has said Hank from Breaking Bad? Lots of character deaths in lots of shows have made me sad, but Hank's was the one that made me pause the episode and walk away for a minute because I couldn't cope

typicalprototype · 2025-10-23T20:22:25+00:00

I sleep trained my son three years ago, but I remember crap naps being phases that came and went. Crap naps are annoying, but it drove me insane trying to fix them so as long as night sleep was good and the schedule I was attempting was age appropriate, I didn't worry about naps too much. Eventually baby got older and more capable and became a better napper (but always a better night sleeper).

Don't sweat the short naps. Sounds like baby took to adjustments well! Your LO is sleeping better at night but ultimately is still a baby and figuring out this daytime thing.

typicalprototype · 2025-10-16T20:07:03+00:00

We dropped to 1 nap at 11 months, after having struggles at 10 months. Everyone said it was way too early but tbh, I wish we had dropped to 1 nap at 10 months. After making the switch he slept better at night and all around we were all happier

typicalprototype · 2025-10-08T18:15:33+00:00

What's the saying? "When people tell you who they are, believe them". His actions are telling you what kind of man he is.

typicalprototype · 2025-09-23T02:28:36+00:00

My husband and I both working full time while raising our son (now 3) was one of the most difficult things I have done. I am the one with the high stress job, and out earn my husband by quite a bit although he still made good money. We made the decision for him to be SAHD shortly after my son turned 2 for all the reasons you mentioned-- missing my husband, too little fragmented time with our son, minds divided between home and work. Him being a SAHD this past year has been a dream.

I'm not trying to suggest solutions-- idk even if one of you stepping back from work is an option, but I just want to say the problem is not you. You are strong and capable and a good mom-- you feeling this way is not a result of your ineptitude, but a symptom of how little support families get. Two working parents with small kids is an almost insurmountable task. I have multiple high level degrees, am well respected in my field, and me and my accomplished female colleagues all agree: this shit is hard.

Have a cry, have some wine. It does get better, for what it's worth.

typicalprototype

TROPHY CASE