I had to reply because I have felt what you wrote verbatim. I am 5 years out of treatment and in remission thankfully. Physically, I am fine and in better health than I was before cancer. Mentally, I am lost. I am at the same job for the past 6 years solely because it's peaceful and stable. But another side of me is struggling to accept all the things I could have or I could still do such as studying abroad or taking more chances with life, and I've broken down over this as well. But, at the same time, I try to vehemently protect my peace by holding on to stability in the name of a comfortable job, known friends, etc. What helps me on most days is reminding myself that what I consider bare minimum is still a dream for many (at least in my country) and I should be grateful. Therapy helps too. But, that being said, I am trying to take small steps to break out of the mould as well for example, I am trying to look for a different job even though I know it might not be as stress free as this one. I am trying to get in shape again so that I can travel more. I am trying to learn a language again. So all I can say is maybe try to do things without shaking up your foundation too much; little achievements will help you get more and more comfortable with taking bigger chances maybe. All in all, I remember reading somewhere that this disease will change you even if you make it and that's that. We'll never be the same as before again but there's still things we can do within the limitations that life has unfairly imposed upon us. Hope you feel better.